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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel this isn't DD's fault

377 replies

bluefrontdoorr · 09/02/2023 08:51

DD16 is in year 11 and doing her GCSE's this year. Results come out on 24 August. Her Dad has text me and said he's decided to book a holiday which includes DD. Great. When I asked what date, he said 24 August and they fly at 6:30am. DD16 has always said that she wants to pick her GCSE results up from the school in the morning with her friends and then spend the day (hopefully) celebrating. I said that means she wouldn't be able to go on holiday with her Dad and she has said she's sad about it but doesn't want to miss collecting her results etc.

I've spoken to her Dad about it and he has hit the roof (I'm assuming because he's paid for her already). He said I need to make DD16 go with them and have her results posted for when she gets back from the holiday.

AIBU in thinking this isn't DD16's fault, he should have checked what dates the results were coming out before booking the holiday, and she can miss it if she wants to?

OP posts:
GoodChat · 09/02/2023 08:53

I think at 16 if he's expecting her to go he needs to talk to her.

WandaWonder · 09/02/2023 08:54

He can talk to her

CohenTree · 09/02/2023 08:54

If she doesn't want to go on the holiday, for whatever reason, she shouldn't have to go.
And, he should have checked the dates with you beforehand!

Overthebloodymoon · 09/02/2023 08:54

What kind of father doesn’t know something as key as this?! He can change the date if he wants her to go. What an idiot. God, I’d be so disappointed in his lack of awareness and stupidity. Shows how little he knows her and what’s going on in her life.

pointythings · 09/02/2023 08:54

Yes, YANBU. Results day is always set well in advance and your H should have looked this up before booking. I just looked it up and the earliest listed item I found on those dates goes back to September. He's made a mistake here and should suck it up.

pointythings · 09/02/2023 08:55

Oops, just realised from your post you are divorced. I can see why.

Johnnysgirl · 09/02/2023 08:55

YANBU. It's totally up to her, of course she doesn't want to miss celebrating with friends! He clearly has no notion of what a massive deal it is to them.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/02/2023 08:56

Your ex is a dick! They wait all year for those results, of course she doent want to have them posted and wait while watching all her friends on SM celebrating.

ScarlettSunset · 09/02/2023 08:56

He definitely should have checked the dates. Well, as her father, he should have known them anyway and made sure he was aware of her wishes, well before booking it!

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 08:57

Mine would have far rather gone on holiday tbh, but you know your dd best.

Testina · 09/02/2023 08:57

Your post reads that he booked the holiday before telling you that he was going to.
Is that your usual contact arrangement?
XH and I would never book without running the date past the other parent. Seems odd that he just booked it.
Are you sure there was no conversation with her about dates and she forgot to say about results day?

SoupDragon · 09/02/2023 08:57

Is it somewhere she can fly to the next day?

you're right though, it's not her fault at all and your ex is an idiot.

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 08:58

And ours have all been emailed anyway, so they could have checked while on holiday. None of mine have ever wanted to go into school and get the results!

Sarahcoggles · 09/02/2023 08:59

YANBU. He should have checked the dates first. And he's unreasonable to think that you should or could change her mind.

SoupDragon · 09/02/2023 08:59

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 08:58

And ours have all been emailed anyway, so they could have checked while on holiday. None of mine have ever wanted to go into school and get the results!

It is very clear in the first post that the OP's DD wants to collect them in person with her friends. What your children wanted is irrelevant.

Sarahcoggles · 09/02/2023 09:00

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 08:58

And ours have all been emailed anyway, so they could have checked while on holiday. None of mine have ever wanted to go into school and get the results!

OP's daughter does want to go in. She's said so.

Johnnysgirl · 09/02/2023 09:00

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 08:58

And ours have all been emailed anyway, so they could have checked while on holiday. None of mine have ever wanted to go into school and get the results!

Well, that's quite unusual, and doesn't apply here.

SnarkyBag · 09/02/2023 09:01

This is a great opportunity to teach your DD that she doesn’t have to put her wants and needs second to someone who can’t be bothered to communicate with her and check that she’s ok with plans before charging ahead!

tell the ex to knob off!

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:02

Johnnysgirl · 09/02/2023 09:00

Well, that's quite unusual, and doesn't apply here.

Show quote history

No, I did say she knows her dd best. It's not unusual at all here, all results are emailed (private school though so probably completely different).

DragonHouse · 09/02/2023 09:02

She’s 16. You shouldn’t be talking for her.

Original poster
bluefrontdoorr · 09/02/2023 09:02

I do feel sorry for DD. Her Dad has always only ever had her 4 days a month so she likes to spend more time with him when given the opportunity.

@Testina No he didn't check dates with me or DD before booking (not the first time he's done this either!).

OP posts:
RomansTheyGoTheHouse · 09/02/2023 09:03

She's 16, not 6.

If he wants her to go on holiday he needs to invite her before booking, like he would an adult. She needs to have an input into dates or the chance to say 'thanks but no thanks'.

He's booked her a place like she is still a child.

FictionalCharacter · 09/02/2023 09:04

Yanbu. He should have checked the dates with you and dd before booking. He’s ridiculous for saying you should make her go.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/02/2023 09:04

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 08:58

And ours have all been emailed anyway, so they could have checked while on holiday. None of mine have ever wanted to go into school and get the results!

I find that really strange tbh, Ive had 3 done GCSE's and all of them and all their mates went to collect, it was very important to them.

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:04

If it was made clear to him that she couldn't go on those dates, but still booked, then he's an idiot. If he didn't realise then it's just an annoying clash.

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