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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel this isn't DD's fault

377 replies

bluefrontdoorr · 09/02/2023 08:51

DD16 is in year 11 and doing her GCSE's this year. Results come out on 24 August. Her Dad has text me and said he's decided to book a holiday which includes DD. Great. When I asked what date, he said 24 August and they fly at 6:30am. DD16 has always said that she wants to pick her GCSE results up from the school in the morning with her friends and then spend the day (hopefully) celebrating. I said that means she wouldn't be able to go on holiday with her Dad and she has said she's sad about it but doesn't want to miss collecting her results etc.

I've spoken to her Dad about it and he has hit the roof (I'm assuming because he's paid for her already). He said I need to make DD16 go with them and have her results posted for when she gets back from the holiday.

AIBU in thinking this isn't DD16's fault, he should have checked what dates the results were coming out before booking the holiday, and she can miss it if she wants to?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 09/02/2023 09:05

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 08:58

And ours have all been emailed anyway, so they could have checked while on holiday. None of mine have ever wanted to go into school and get the results!

Which is fine, but I got my results in 1998 and I can still remember results day. Admittedly it Inc a cry in the changing room over my Graphics result but then we all went to Sarah's house for a drink celebration until Kate got too drunk and my Dad had to be called to take her home then we all came back to the party and had a sleepover. That's akin to what the daughter wants, not a quick check online, a quick what did you get from Dad and then great, let's go swimming and it's all over. It's a culmination of two years hard work

SunnySnowdrop · 09/02/2023 09:06

Serves him right for not checking dates. Especially for august of gcse year! Bet he just didn't think and he's mad with himself but taking it out on you/his daughter.

billy1966 · 09/02/2023 09:06

No, she most certainly doesn't have to go.

He's very stupid to book without checking.

His mistake.

She needs to tell him that.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 09/02/2023 09:06

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:04

If it was made clear to him that she couldn't go on those dates, but still booked, then he's an idiot. If he didn't realise then it's just an annoying clash.

It’s not an “annoying clash” if you don’t bother to check dates suit the people you want to go.

Its a daft assumption. One he made and has no right to be getting arsey with the DD for.

MyopicBunny · 09/02/2023 09:06

YANBU. He must know her results would be due then. He hasn't considered her feelings at all. He should have discussed this with her first - she's 16, not 6.

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:07

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/02/2023 09:04

I find that really strange tbh, Ive had 3 done GCSE's and all of them and all their mates went to collect, it was very important to them.

Show quote history

Nope, none went in. They got results via email. Dd had to go in to get her A level results when she was at state 6th form. I can promise they would all have far rather gone on holiday though!

JE17 · 09/02/2023 09:07

This happened to me, my DM booked a holiday on results day. I would’ve loved to go to school with my friends and pick the results but it was non negotiable. It was the first time she was taking us abroad and it was booked. I was grumpy about it but had a great time on the holiday and in retrospect I’m glad she insisted on me going.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 09/02/2023 09:07

It doesn’t matter if every single other teenager in the world would happily check theirs by email or by post.

The OPs DD wants to go in. Which her father would have known if he had a modicum of respect and ran the dates by his DD (or even the Op, though at 16 it absolutely should be his DD).

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:08

That's akin to what the daughter wants, not a quick check online, a quick what did you get from Dad and then great, let's go swimming and it's all over

This is exactly what my dcs would want 😅😅 the getting drunk thing wouldn't appeal at all at gcse age.

Bellaboo01 · 09/02/2023 09:09

bluefrontdoorr · 09/02/2023 08:51

DD16 is in year 11 and doing her GCSE's this year. Results come out on 24 August. Her Dad has text me and said he's decided to book a holiday which includes DD. Great. When I asked what date, he said 24 August and they fly at 6:30am. DD16 has always said that she wants to pick her GCSE results up from the school in the morning with her friends and then spend the day (hopefully) celebrating. I said that means she wouldn't be able to go on holiday with her Dad and she has said she's sad about it but doesn't want to miss collecting her results etc.

I've spoken to her Dad about it and he has hit the roof (I'm assuming because he's paid for her already). He said I need to make DD16 go with them and have her results posted for when she gets back from the holiday.

AIBU in thinking this isn't DD16's fault, he should have checked what dates the results were coming out before booking the holiday, and she can miss it if she wants to?

She wouldn't have to wait till she gets back as she can get them on the same day as everyone else (as so many people are also on holiday at that time - August).

  • You can nominate someone to collect
  • You can get them emailed

My daughter and her friends pretty much did the same last year and it was so special for her to be away and celebrate.

pizzaHeart · 09/02/2023 09:09

So he’s booked without asking her and now hit the roof that she’s busy that day?
he is very strange.

Notjusta · 09/02/2023 09:09

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 09/02/2023 09:07

It doesn’t matter if every single other teenager in the world would happily check theirs by email or by post.

The OPs DD wants to go in. Which her father would have known if he had a modicum of respect and ran the dates by his DD (or even the Op, though at 16 it absolutely should be his DD).

Completely agre with this. It is of no relevance whatsoever what other's DC did or would do/would prefer. Dad should have checked first.

Johnnysgirl · 09/02/2023 09:10

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:07

Nope, none went in. They got results via email. Dd had to go in to get her A level results when she was at state 6th form. I can promise they would all have far rather gone on holiday though!

Show quote history

They just sat at home while their friends got together to celebrate? How odd.

Original poster
bluefrontdoorr · 09/02/2023 09:10

I think part of the problem is that I'm taking DD on a week's holiday abroad in the summer and he's cross that she'll go on that holiday but not his. I pointed out that I checked the date of results day months ago and booked a holiday bearing that in mind!

OP posts:
LIZS · 09/02/2023 09:11

Arriving back at 6:30 or later? Most in person collections won't start until 9 or 10am so she still has time to spend with friends. Many don't bother to collect now, just email results.

GoodChat · 09/02/2023 09:11

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:08

That's akin to what the daughter wants, not a quick check online, a quick what did you get from Dad and then great, let's go swimming and it's all over

This is exactly what my dcs would want 😅😅 the getting drunk thing wouldn't appeal at all at gcse age.

Your kids are definitely the exception rather than the rule.

Johnnysgirl · 09/02/2023 09:11

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:02

No, I did say she knows her dd best. It's not unusual at all here, all results are emailed (private school though so probably completely different).

Show quote history

No, private school has nothing to do with it.

TangledWebOfDeception · 09/02/2023 09:12

Well he sounds like a twat. No wonder you're divorced.

And no, your daughter absolutely doesn't have to go. He didn't bother to check before booking, and he didn't talk with her beforehand either. So tough.

jellybeanteaparty · 09/02/2023 09:12

As someone else suggested she fly's the next day to join Dad on holiday. 1 flight as extra expense v losing the whole holiday makes sense.

Sarahcoggles · 09/02/2023 09:13

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:04

If it was made clear to him that she couldn't go on those dates, but still booked, then he's an idiot. If he didn't realise then it's just an annoying clash.

It hasn't been "made clear" to me when my son's A level results are out this summer, nor was it "made clear" about his GCSE date either. I used that thing called google. I did it because he's my son and it's relevant to me when his results come out. It's part of being a parent.

LIZS · 09/02/2023 09:13

Oh my mistake, they leave at 6:30 . Can she not fly a day or two later to join him if she wants to go? What are her plans for year 12, might there be interviews or enrolment events to attend

SoupDragon · 09/02/2023 09:13

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:04

If it was made clear to him that she couldn't go on those dates, but still booked, then he's an idiot. If he didn't realise then it's just an annoying clash.

He didn't check and he gave it no thought. Everyone with GCSE age children knows that results are at the end of August (or should if they have any interest in their children at all)

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:13

Johnnysgirl · 09/02/2023 09:10

They just sat at home while their friends got together to celebrate? How odd.

Show quote history

No - all of them got results via email. They chatted via social media then various friends met up later on. They are all spread all over the world in August so going in isn't a thing. I'm pretty sure they've never once cared it's done that way. I can imagine there are plenty of kids that would prefer it done that way!

Mondayforthebin · 09/02/2023 09:14

Could she not fly out a day later and join him?

lifeinthehills · 09/02/2023 09:14

Lucky there is plenty of time for her father to move the dates over one day.

I remember my parents booking a holiday over results day. Then deciding to extend it another week! They decided that if I needed to know, I could get a neighbour to read out the results over the phone. Lucky I was able to get a bus home and stay with a family member to get my results, even if later than all my friends.

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