To feel this isn't DD's fault

[bluefrontdoorr]

DD16 is in year 11 and doing her GCSE's this year. Results come out on 24 August. Her Dad has text me and said he's decided to book a holiday which includes DD. Great. When I asked what date, he said 24 August and they fly at 6:30am. DD16 has always said that she wants to pick her GCSE results up from the school in the morning with her friends and then spend the day (hopefully) celebrating. I said that means she wouldn't be able to go on holiday with her Dad and she has said she's sad about it but doesn't want to miss collecting her results etc.

I've spoken to her Dad about it and he has hit the roof (I'm assuming because he's paid for her already). He said I need to make DD16 go with them and have her results posted for when she gets back from the holiday.

AIBU in thinking this isn't DD16's fault, he should have checked what dates the results were coming out before booking the holiday, and she can miss it if she wants to?

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. He should’ve cleared any dates with you prior to booking the holiday…. You might’ve booked that week somewhere already, or another important event might be occurring that day……. (Oh wait?!!!)
Hes a douche for just expecting her not to see her results for a whole week, or to have you open them and have to text her them!!
I'm 45 now but still remember the day my mum drove me up school to collect my results.
I’d be simply telling him that the 24th isn’t possible and say ‘good job you checked with me before booking as the 24th isn’t possible.’ Regards!

if he’s booked without checking dates then that’s on him!

I would tell him the answer is no, and say that as her advocate the answer will still be no if he bullies her into changing her mind!
tell him she’s worked bloody hard at her exams despite obvious challenges and you’ve worked hard to support her… she deserves that day to celebrate with her friends and it’s his own stupid fault for not checking dates first. Idiot

Not the case everywhere

My ex did this too last year. I collected them for my dd and then FaceTimed her from school

How does a father not have his daughter's GCSE results day in his diary? He's been exposed as thoughtless and this might be why he's acting out.
He needs to fix it.

This is a bit scaremonger-ey. It's also the sort of situation that phones exist for.

This gives yet another argument for withdrawing passports from men like him. Which won't happen sadly.

I suppose it is what you are used to. In Scotland our kids get them emailed or texted to them, ss far as I know no one goes to school to collect them. Then get certificates sent in the post.

Gosh! Just confirmed with state school teacher DH that students receive an email with their results prior to actual collection at school. It's 2023 after all! The collection is social. He'll be there with colleagues. What is the private sector coming to?

Hope all goes well for your DD this weekend and she’s not put under too much pressure (I really, really hope it doesn’t happen, but a tiny part of me wonders if your ex will cope if he stresses her into total meltdown)
Incidentally, GCSE results have been published on that Thursday (Thursday nearest to the 24th, ie last or second last week in August) for as long as I can remember, as did “O levels “ before them. (I’ve worked in education for almost 40 years, and got my o levels on 24th August long, long ago!)

He’s an idiot, if taking GCSEs & being 16, she would also have work in the summer she would need to book off, not to mention the usual teenage plans, festivals, parties etc.

If your dh is a teacher he may realise that many private school pupils live too far away to pop in. If he doesn't realise that, then he's learnt something.

Love that people are still waffling on about what their kids did/would do.

like that’s remotely relevant to what the OPs daughter wants to do to collect her results

How do they manage to get to school five days a week, yet live so far that "popping in" is such an arduous burden?
You're making yourself sound increasingly ridiculous with your "but PRIVATE SCHOOLS are different!" trope.
You've no idea how many posters also use private schools.

She’s clearly talking about a private school with international boarders.

utterly baffling that she ever thought there was a reasonable comparison between them and the OPs DD.

Also baffling that there appears no comprehension that not all schools are like her DC’s schools

That's not the case

This - with spades on !

How do you know that's not the case? If results aren't as expected they don't always go seamlessly into the school of their choice.
Most schools advise against taking holidays at this time.

@Johnnysgirl you don't have to physically go in person to register on the same day. That's never been the case.

Hes fucked up with holiday dates, hes not abducting her and running away to another country for Op never to see her again 😂

Fwiw at our school they do 6th form enrolment at same time as collecting results - think it’s efficient staff are on hand so those with borderline results can talk it through/work out what to do there and then with advice. It is a lowly STATE school though not a PRIVATE one 😀

If not be impressed if I’d paid out loads of dosh and got just an email ! If the State school teachers have bothered to drag their arses off the beach the private ones should do at least that!

They do.

This makes me so angry. Autism causes not just communication issues but anxiety as well. She doesn’t want to go but her father is putting pressure on her so she stops communicating. She doesn’t need to learn to communicate with her father, he needs to learn how to communicate with her. He is causing her needless anxiety because he’s putting her in this position. OP just tell him she doesn’t want to go and that’s an end to it.

@Buttonjugs Thank you, yes her anxiety is sky high in situations like this! I've told him she isn't going, end of. I also have her passport if he wants to start getting difficult!