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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel this isn't DD's fault

377 replies

bluefrontdoorr · 09/02/2023 08:51

DD16 is in year 11 and doing her GCSE's this year. Results come out on 24 August. Her Dad has text me and said he's decided to book a holiday which includes DD. Great. When I asked what date, he said 24 August and they fly at 6:30am. DD16 has always said that she wants to pick her GCSE results up from the school in the morning with her friends and then spend the day (hopefully) celebrating. I said that means she wouldn't be able to go on holiday with her Dad and she has said she's sad about it but doesn't want to miss collecting her results etc.

I've spoken to her Dad about it and he has hit the roof (I'm assuming because he's paid for her already). He said I need to make DD16 go with them and have her results posted for when she gets back from the holiday.

AIBU in thinking this isn't DD16's fault, he should have checked what dates the results were coming out before booking the holiday, and she can miss it if she wants to?

OP posts:
evtheria · 09/02/2023 09:25

Repeating what several have said:

  1. She's 16, he should have discussed the holiday beforehand with you/her.
  2. How does he not know what dates his daughter (and the entire country!) gets her GCSEs?! That's on him.

I'd calmly point out he has made plans without actually thinking, and then I'd leave him to cry about it. It's a real shame for DD but as it is his big mistake, he needs to sort it out so they can enjoy a holiday together (or not).

ancientgran · 09/02/2023 09:25

Sarahcoggles · 09/02/2023 09:21

OP's DD is autistic and wouldn't manage the flight on her own.
And anyway, Ryanair would probably change her flight to October and double the price at the last minute!

Show quote history

Yes I missed the explanation but I wasn't suggesting changing a Ryanair flight, I was suggesting booking a flight for the next day. If dad wants her to go the cost would be on him but the only way he can do it now is book for both of them.

TheaBrandt · 09/02/2023 09:26

Our whole summers are now planned round festivals / results / their friends plans. Obtaining a two week slot was a challenge which we were all involved in. What a high handed prat. Sad about teens not getting results with their pals it’s a big thing here.

BellaJuno · 09/02/2023 09:26

Her dad is in the wrong, help her stick to her guns. For many kids, collecting GCSE results in school is a milestone for them and mine wouldn’t have wanted to miss it.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/02/2023 09:27

TheaBrandt · 09/02/2023 09:26

Our whole summers are now planned round festivals / results / their friends plans. Obtaining a two week slot was a challenge which we were all involved in. What a high handed prat. Sad about teens not getting results with their pals it’s a big thing here.

I have to agree its sad teens not collecting with their mates.

Spotsstripes · 09/02/2023 09:27

Yanbu. Dd has the right to make her own decisions at 16. Also depending on where she's going in September she may have college interviews the following week (this was what happened to dc1), having to make changes because grades are not as expected (for better or worse) this is what happened to my dn.

redskydelight · 09/02/2023 09:29

This isn't just about collecting GCSE results - it will also be confirming sixth form places. If your daughter doesn't get the grades she needs or is still deciding between 2 possible options then being available to sort this out is going to be pretty necessary!

Tinkerbyebye · 09/02/2023 09:29

She is 16 and able to make her own mind up

he needs to talk tO her

TheaBrandt · 09/02/2023 09:30

One of the teachers an amateur photographer and he captured Dd and Dh at the exact moment they opened the results - I’ll treasure that picture (and that moment) forever. The private school approach sounds miserable.

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:30

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/02/2023 09:27

I have to agree its sad teens not collecting with their mates.

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They do celebrate with their mates - just not by going into school.

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:31

TheaBrandt · 09/02/2023 09:30

One of the teachers an amateur photographer and he captured Dd and Dh at the exact moment they opened the results - I’ll treasure that picture (and that moment) forever. The private school approach sounds miserable.

😄 it really isn't.

DaveyJonesLocker · 09/02/2023 09:33

He should have checked the dates. Who just books a holiday without checking other people's plans?
Results day is a big deal.
Can't he try and move the holiday? I've moved holidays loads of times.

TheaBrandt · 09/02/2023 09:33

Yes we registered for 6th form there and then. In our city if they at state school you need to be there.

BoardingSchoolMater · 09/02/2023 09:34

My DC have only ever had emailed results, but those who are local have tended to meet up afterwards. But that's completely irrelevant, as the OP's daughter wants to go in to school and get her results.

@bluefrontdoorr this is a problem of your ex husband's making, and he is the one who should try to find a solution. You've asked your DD what she wants to do, and she has told you. That's your bit done. The rest is for him to work out.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 09/02/2023 09:34

A fantastic opportunity for dd to tell a bloke that actually her feelings come first.

And back her all the way op.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/02/2023 09:35

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:30

They do celebrate with their mates - just not by going into school.

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I wouldnt say chatting over social media is celebrating Grin

have you honestly never seen all the pictures in your local paper or online of all the local teens collecting their results and celebrating?

RealBecca · 09/02/2023 09:35

What is your custody arrangement? If it's not his week then it's not your problem.

If its informal then you need to talk to DD and put her in a horrible position of choosing. Just make it clear you back her 100% whatever her decision is.

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:36

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/02/2023 09:35

I wouldnt say chatting over social media is celebrating Grin

have you honestly never seen all the pictures in your local paper or online of all the local teens collecting their results and celebrating?

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Yes. The ubiquitous blonde girls jumping in the air.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/02/2023 09:37

RealBecca · 09/02/2023 09:35

What is your custody arrangement? If it's not his week then it's not your problem.

If its informal then you need to talk to DD and put her in a horrible position of choosing. Just make it clear you back her 100% whatever her decision is.

There is no such thing as custody in the uk, not to mention the dd is 16 she can leave home if she wants Confused

Original poster
bluefrontdoorr · 09/02/2023 09:37

@RealBecca We don't have a custody arrangement. He's only ever had her 4 days a month - so every other weekend. The week that he's booked 2 of those days are 'his' and 5 are 'mine'.

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 09/02/2023 09:37

No teen I know would be happy being on holiday with mum and dad on results day while their mates head off to celebrate and local restaurants are giving out free churros to celebrate!

SoupDragon · 09/02/2023 09:38

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:36

Yes. The ubiquitous blonde girls jumping in the air.

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could you be any more sneery?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/02/2023 09:38

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:36

Yes. The ubiquitous blonde girls jumping in the air.

Show quote history

That is a fucking disgraceful comment.

GoodChat · 09/02/2023 09:38

I feel quite said that a private education leads so such a lonely end.

hoojit · 09/02/2023 09:39

Off topic, but I've always felt that all the celebrations and squealing and photos of teenagers leaping into the air are pretty horrible for those who haven't done so well and are forced to slink in to school and try to be happy for the stars of the show. It can sometimes be easier to get your results in private and allow yourself a bit of time to wallow before picking yourself up again and going out to celebrate your friends' achievements.