Would this be seen as neglect if they weren’t wealthy?

[Thesesoundsfallintomymindwoowoo]

I know a wealthy family, the Dd is 10 and hasn’t been to school since the start of October due to anxiety and feeling unwell (comes from the anxiety I believe)
They have only recently recruited a tutor for homeschooling, she’s missed months of schooling and did nothing at home.
Parents fly to another country each week for business (take it in turns, both go each time for a couple of days)
No real organisation/schedule in the house, no proper food shops, mainly expensive restaurants or takeaways. Dd hasn’t ever baked (sounds silly but surprised me) isn’t allowed to watch tv without parents etc. Dd has many issues around illness and eating and other things, highly sensitive child, she rarely goes out and has one friend she sometimes sees.
I see this as pretty unhealthy and worry about her and the situation, should I or am I just being nosey and out of order?

Nosey.

@taxpayer1 Do you think so? She just seems so sad and cut off from the world.

I'd be concerned too. How do you know her?

Probably you don't know the whole story.

Yeah nosey and judgemental

"Hasn't ever baked"

😂Seriously?!

When you say wealthy, what are we talking? There’s a big difference between what one person would call wealthy versus another’s definition of it. Have they got multiple homes all over the world, a family office, jets that kind of wealthy?

Give it a rest! And stop being so judgemental

Nosey/judgemental.

If this person wasn’t wealthy, would your nose be as pressed against the glass?

Once again, another Mumsnet post where a person plays The Sims with another person’s life, trying to work out if they’d make the same choices with the same purse.

Be smug in the realisation your child has baked, and therefore trumps any of the endless takeaways-and-tutors the other child experiences.

YABU.

I’d be more concerned about how you know so much about another families life eg what they have for dinner every night, and how often a 10yr old girl goes out.

YANBU @Thesesoundsfallintomymindwoowoo
It doesn’t sound great. Money can paper over a lot of cracks.

The school thing isn’t great but if (I’m assuming) the child was in private school, I do know they can be a little slower to report non attendance to the powers that be. In all honesty I think if they’re going the private tutor route the catch up will be fairly quick if the child is able to engage with them.

all the other stuff you raise comes under parenting choices… given that you say the parents take it in turns to fly abroad, I’m assuming the other parent is around for the child (physically at least) so 🤷🏻‍♀️

You lost me at

Dd hasn’t ever baked

The fact you admit yourself that sounds batshit 'silly', yet still you said it, is revealing.

Wow. How sad that concern for the welfare of a child is dismissed as nosy and judgemental. YANBU.

It does sound worrying.

A friend of mine who is a social worker commented to me once that child neglect is just as likely to happen in well off and middle class families but is less obvious and harder to see. Gets passed off as quirky, eccentric, etc. That home does sound quite chaotic and rather controlling.

If you are concerned contact social services.

Eating in restaurants and getting takeaways doesn’t sound like a big issue. Nor does not baking. The anxiety thing sounds like a problem but how do you know how much they are doing to help with that. The fact that they sorted a tutor sounds reasonable. It’s hard to know if she is neglected or not from your OP, but it does sound like she might be neuro diverse, which would explain the anxiety and lack of friendships. Are you close to the family?

I agree.

This sounds to me like one of those reverse posts where the OP is writing about her childhood self.

If anxiety is really high you arent in a position to learn - particulalry if you hit burnout. You need to rest properly to recalibrate before you are in a position to learn again.

This was more or less what was said the last time I did child protection training, in wealthier families neglect is more like to be assigned the label of the parents being eccentric.

If she's not attending school the tutor could have been arranged through the local authority's medical needs education process, which requires a formal diagnosis and treatment plan to be in place to access. This can take months so could well be legit.
If you have genuine safeguarding concerns please google "concerned about a child + name of your local council" and you'll get a link to your local safeguarding advice on how to report. Or you you could report via NSPCC.

iF the child is enrolled at school it is the councils job to provide a tutor. They are ridiculously poor at doing so! You'll find there are literally thousands of children in this country who can not attend school due to unmet SEN needs and anxiety that receive no formal education that they are legally entitled to for years. Yea that would be years! I personally know someone whose child was denied any formal education by the council for 3 yrs. and another who was compensated to the amount of £5000 for the councils failure to provide what they're legally required to provide when a child is out of school. In our own case of school and council failing to provide we deregistered & home educated. Do NOT underestimate the failure of the education system to help children such as the one you are "worried" about. Also do not underestimate a child's ability to learn in ways and places and from resources other than at school. All that said it's also the case that Mental well being trumps everything and a child needs to be mentally well to learn.