Would this be seen as neglect if they weren’t wealthy?

[Thesesoundsfallintomymindwoowoo]

I know a wealthy family, the Dd is 10 and hasn’t been to school since the start of October due to anxiety and feeling unwell (comes from the anxiety I believe)
They have only recently recruited a tutor for homeschooling, she’s missed months of schooling and did nothing at home.
Parents fly to another country each week for business (take it in turns, both go each time for a couple of days)
No real organisation/schedule in the house, no proper food shops, mainly expensive restaurants or takeaways. Dd hasn’t ever baked (sounds silly but surprised me) isn’t allowed to watch tv without parents etc. Dd has many issues around illness and eating and other things, highly sensitive child, she rarely goes out and has one friend she sometimes sees.
I see this as pretty unhealthy and worry about her and the situation, should I or am I just being nosey and out of order?

Just to add I’m not saying certain things are ideal, but there’s a big gap between ideal and neglect.

Aren’t you supposed to spend a few months ‘unschooling’ when you start home edding? I’ve read up on it a lot and this seems to be the done thing, especially in anxiety cases.

I don’t see much wrong with the rest of it if her anxiety is too high to get out, provided most of the takeaways and meals out are nutritious? And assuming that she’s getting professional treatment.

Maybe if people were a bit more nosey and judgmental , we wouldn’t have the horrific levels of child abuse in this country.

I never said you were being nasty… do you often see the worst in things?

@Dammitthisisshit Yes, neglect was too harsh and wasn’t exactly what I meant really

If the child is ill, they shouldn't be doing school work.

Many parents who switch to home ed, go through a period known as "unschooling". It sounds like that to be honest.

Seeing as a tutor has been arranged, hardly neglect is it? Also, restaurant food is good food. Take away isn't always wonderful but there are plenty of healthy options. In any case, child is being fed.

I think you're just confused by their life choices because they are different to yours. Maybe you could just accept that people do things differently and that is ok.

@Komboocha No professional treatment, this it what I mean, I think she’d really benefit from it, but I’m not the type to mention it to the mum as it seems like I’m overstepping? But I think it could work wonders possibly

I think I would be a bit concerned too, OP. Does the mum say anything about what is causing the anxiety and/or if they are arranging any specialist support (other than tutor)? Perhaps the girl is autistic? You don't know the full story, obviously, but I think that any child missing school for anxiety in the state system for more than four months would probably be flagged up as a concern.

The threshold for "neglect" is extremely high. I have a very close friend who is a senior social worker and part of his job is making the ultimate decision about taking children into care.

I agree with you OP that this child seems neglected in some aspects of her life. But she is warm, safe from harm and has food. That's how low the bar goes generally.

@SwordToFlamethrower Yes, probably, do you not think the anxiety etc should be addressed and some moves towards integration back into life with friends etc?

Do you really not think you’ve done anything wrong here?

“I work for a family and their child has an illness. I accept that she’s not being neglected but I think that their family set-up isn’t ideal for vague or arbitrary reasons that I haven’t actually outlined. Please join me in slagging them off on a public forum. By the way, just in case anyone feels bad about insulting them, they’re rich so they’re fair game”.

@Redbushteaforme Just that she’s a very sensitive child, no outside help given

Yanbu OP. This would flag as a concern in my mind. Who is this child actually socialising with? May well sound silly to others but to never baked at that age is a bit strange, what kind of interactions are the parents having with the child?

@Thesesoundsfallintomymindwoowoo I don’t think you can ever know the full extent of the situation even if you work with the family.

I am from a working class background and my DS has been out of school for a year due to severe anxiety co morbid with autism. You would not be aware of the fight I have to put up to get him any education at all. It’s exhausting and humiliating to have to beg for what your child is legally entitled to.

My DS spends most of his time at home or running errands with me; his anxiety became so bad, he could not learn at home either. We are taking a break from formal education whilst we await a nurture school placement for him. His anxiety triggers have reduced so much since.

Please don’t judge the family. They are likely trying their best in an extremely difficult situation. You can never truly understand the hell having to deal with a situation where a child is unable to attend school, until you are in the thick of it yourself.

@DinnerThyme Not my intention at all. I think I’ll remove this

Sadly, there are children all over the country who are too anxious to cope with school. Despite the fact that local authorities have a statutory right to provide full time education for them, you can bet the vast majority of those children will get minimal if any teaching unless their parents are resourceful and knowledgeable enough to enforce their rights.

That statutory duty applies to every child, including the children of wealthy parents. So if this child has not been educated, it's the LA which should be accused of neglect, not her parents.

@LovelyIssues That’s what I found strange/sad, she doesn’t really do anything or see any friends or anyone. She doesn’t go to any clubs, have hobbies etc

I've got a big posh house and a similar aged daughter who barely makes it to school at the moment because it makes her self harm.

I don't have a big posh house but I went through that with my daughter. It was so shit but her mental health has improved massively since she left school. She really hated it. It's bloody awful though, isn't it?

I’d be concerned. And if people think I’m nosy for being concerned about an anxious child who seemingly has no outside activities and isn’t even allowed to watch tv alone, then quite frankly I don’t care. My feelings and their feelings are not important when a child is being isolated and possible neglected.

@FailingAtStrife I’m so sorry.
This situation is different though, this girl seems to want to do certain things but it doesn’t seem to be facilitated by her parents etc

@Redbushteaforme you would assume a child would be flagged up but sadly , it is not always the case. Some schools are utterly useless and lots of DC do not get the education they are entitled to. I am utterly broken by my experience of the education system since my DS has been unable to attend school.

She must do something. She’s not comatose. When I was 10 I would make up dances or play imaginary games in my room. I’d be a spy or a princess or a French high school student - but if an adult walked in or came past then I’d stop being it’s a bit weird/embarrassing/childish. I suppose, from the outside, it might look like I spent the whole time just standing/sitting around.

@ChiefWiggumsBoy Is that strange she can’t watch tv alone? It seemed it to me but again maybe it’s just because my upbringing/house were/are different

From your title my initial thought was that maybe your issue is that the parents are capable of offering these things and choose not to and have an unstable home life, rather than it to do with them being unable to afford it/being due to certain circumstances?

@WindscreenWipe I don’t know, I only know what she says obviously, it just seems a quiet, lonely house