Would this be seen as neglect if they weren’t wealthy?

[Thesesoundsfallintomymindwoowoo]

I know a wealthy family, the Dd is 10 and hasn’t been to school since the start of October due to anxiety and feeling unwell (comes from the anxiety I believe)
They have only recently recruited a tutor for homeschooling, she’s missed months of schooling and did nothing at home.
Parents fly to another country each week for business (take it in turns, both go each time for a couple of days)
No real organisation/schedule in the house, no proper food shops, mainly expensive restaurants or takeaways. Dd hasn’t ever baked (sounds silly but surprised me) isn’t allowed to watch tv without parents etc. Dd has many issues around illness and eating and other things, highly sensitive child, she rarely goes out and has one friend she sometimes sees.
I see this as pretty unhealthy and worry about her and the situation, should I or am I just being nosey and out of order?

Are you her mum?

@somuchtolearnabout I work with her, she tells me a fair bit without me asking, I’m careful not to get involved but can’t help worrying sometimes or maybe this is normal but just different to my situation and what I’ve known

@HarrietSchulenberg Tutor was arranged privately, not through services etc

@AllOfThemWitches Eh?

This was the case for my DH growing up. His mother was extremely abusive and, despite major major major red flags at the school, nothing ever happened. They were very wealthy.

However, with what OP has outlined, that’s not neglect or abuse and she needs to butt the hell out. A child hasn’t been to school since October for medical reasons and has now been set up with a private home tutor (presumably after months of having work provided at home from her school, and multiple attempts to re-engage in standard schooling) - not neglect. She hasn’t baked and has limited screen time - not neglect. Food isn’t always home cooked but comes from take aways or meals out (no indication of nutritional value) - not neglect. Parents often work away from home but alternate so the child isn’t left alone - not neglect. She’s a “sensitive child” with few friends probably because she has severe anxiety - not neglect.

@CowSnail She has no work from the school during the time of absence

If you are concerned then you should contact social services, the school or the nspcc. The education at least is worrying.

Whether she has baked or not is obviously neither here nor there, neither is whether they mostly eat in restaurants.

Dd hasn’t ever baked

😳😳😳

The baking wasn’t a thing on its own, but just seemed a bit strange with other things mentioned, normal things that kids tend to do growing up/during their childhood. She hasn’t experienced these things and seemed confused by it, but again, it could be just being brought up in a wealthy background and different lifestyle

I think you make a valid point.

I know a home schooled kid. I swear if they were poor, it'd all be frowned upon. He has no other children to play - EVER - at home, he paces the garden like an animal. His parents are freaking weird, but posh & Oxbridge educated so no one questions that they must know best.

Except me of course!

I think there is a double standard. Though as there is now something arranged I don't think the OP could change anything if reporting it.

I am reminded of a family who left three pre-school children alone to go have a meal in a holiday resort, and how they would have been judged if they were from a council estate.

You’re still being incredibly unreasonable and are wrong. I hope they sack you. You sound incredibly unprofessional and over-involved. Frankly, you sound like you want to stir up drama at this child’s expense.

Consider it this way, would you think it’s neglect if they weren’t rich?

People probably said the same about me when my daughter developed agoraphobia and panic disorder. MIND YOUR OWN FING BUSINESS!

@mumyes This is it.

I’m sure if it was a lower class family and she hadn’t been in school for months and had no friends or activities/hobbies/classes outside the home and hadn’t ever done the more traditional things growing up at home-baking, crafts etc people may talk. Parents coming and going.
She just seems lonely I suppose and it’s sad to see someone like that at that age

I dunno. I've got a big posh house and a similar aged daughter who barely makes it to school at the moment because it makes her self harm.

I'd give anything for it to be different; if anyone hinted at neglect to me they'd find themselves on the receiving end of all of my sadness and anger.

Maybe best not to judge eh.

@Thesesoundsfallintomymindwoowoo the school wouldn't provide work - they (school) will have been playing the game of "if she's well enough to work at home she's well enough to come to school" & "if we provide work at home that'll reinforce that she doesn't need to come to school" Been there, done that and go the t shirt and seen it happen time and time again with loads of children from the support groups i've been involved with over the last 10 years. Schools would rather a child got no education than work with them in many many cases!

Maybe they were focusing on the anxiety and didn't feel at the time schooling was more important? If their work requires them to travel, then unfortunately that's what they have to do to continue being able to provide for their family? It's easy to be an outsider and to get snippets of information, but you really shouldn't judge because they are not living the life you feel they should.

I’m not judging at all or saying neglect really, I just know that they would be judged if it was a lower income family.
I just feel for her, but yes, it isn’t for me to do anything about

This feels more like you have an issue with her being an only child than anything else. The “sad” and “lonely” tropes are coming out. Would you feel so sorry for her if she had a sibling?

Incidentally, what does she do all day? No activities, no hobbies, no screen time, no baking, no studying… does she sit and stare at a wall from dawn until dusk?

@mrsbitaly It’s true and I’m really not judging, or trying not to, I just feel for her, it’s a shame she doesn’t do activities or have friends over/visits them. She doesn’t really seem to do anything

You said “neglect” in the title of your OP. You’re just trying to change your tune because you’ve (rightly) had your arse handed to you.

Missing a few months of school isn’t ideal but if that’s being rectified by a tutor it’s fine.
Everything else sounds fine as described. I suspect that by never having baked you’re implying a lack of ‘normal family time’ but if they go out for meals as a family then that’s family time too - it’s still doing something and interacting.

@Cheeping That’s what I wonder

No, not at all, I have only one child myself, that’s not the issue.

V nosey though I would be too, I am nosey! There is nothing beyond the poor child’s anxiety that would concern me there. The non baking thing as a point is v weird. Surely not being able to watch tv on her own is the opposite of neglect?

@BumpySkull Ok 👍

I don’t think I’m saying/doing anything nasty, I’m just concerned