Would this be seen as neglect if they weren’t wealthy?

[Thesesoundsfallintomymindwoowoo]

I know a wealthy family, the Dd is 10 and hasn’t been to school since the start of October due to anxiety and feeling unwell (comes from the anxiety I believe)
They have only recently recruited a tutor for homeschooling, she’s missed months of schooling and did nothing at home.
Parents fly to another country each week for business (take it in turns, both go each time for a couple of days)
No real organisation/schedule in the house, no proper food shops, mainly expensive restaurants or takeaways. Dd hasn’t ever baked (sounds silly but surprised me) isn’t allowed to watch tv without parents etc. Dd has many issues around illness and eating and other things, highly sensitive child, she rarely goes out and has one friend she sometimes sees.
I see this as pretty unhealthy and worry about her and the situation, should I or am I just being nosey and out of order?

People do not care about child neglect when the children have wealthy parents. They just don't. Always all the excuses.

Not true. Even when teaching in a nice, relatively wealthy area, the main point repeated in safeguarding training is that safeguarding concerns can happen anywhere.

The problem is that the OP has started off by claiming neglect, then backtracked saying she doesn't mean neglect, then when people have said she should report any safeguarding concerns she's said that she wouldn't report her concerns.

There's two options here:

Option 1: OP has safeguarding concerns, in which case she should know to report them without starting a thread on Mumsnet. Anyone working with children should know this and if the OP doesn't then she is frankly a liability and should not be working with vulnerable children.

Option 2: OP doesn't have safeguarding concerns, which is why she won't report it. She just wanted to have a bit of a judgey moan about a family in a difficult situation that aren't doing things how she thinks they should.

It's horrific.

Disagree that OP wanted to have a judgey moan about her employer.

She’s clearly not a professional tutor, childminder or other otherwise she would know how to handle safeguarding concerns. And would be protected herself by her professional remit.

It’s possible she does domestic work for them?

And the parent goes out when she’s there leaving the daughter there.

She’s seeing that things seem off with this young person and her situation. She’s not a MH expert so she’s not an expert in anxiety, depression or ND issues.

However when she’s used the term neglect, when it does seem there are things lacking in this child’s setup - she’s been silenced into submission by people’s put downs of what is termed neglect by SServices & so she’s understandably trying to say ok I don’t know if it warrants child cruelty but something’s not right.

And she’s made the rightful observation that sometimes people with power because of wealth & status can evade scrutiny purely because of the biases & stereotyping that go on towards people of different socioeconomic backgrounds.

She is probably terrified of reporting her concerns for fear of reprisal & losing probably what is a necessary income for her that she maybe cannot afford to lose, especially at present.

So she’s caught in a catch 22. Neglect is not only defined by the social services definition of the word.

I think she’s in a difficult position. I suggest she try to build more of a relationship with the daughter & find out more about her difficulties, anxiety, panic attacks & what help she’s getting for them. Casually, naturally. Normalising & empathising with her situation. It’s not difficult to ask daughter in conversation oh are you getting help with them? My niece/friend gets them (panic attacks for eg) & they’re horrible aren’t they type thing.
Find out how they stop her from being able to do things. Does she want to do them/see friends but can’t? Find out if the tutor has any thoughts - neutrally - if OP ever sees them alone.

I don’t think it would be unreasonable to equally say to parent (If it is MH/anxiety/panic attacks related) how you know someone with them & it’s really hard for them. Sympathise & say they’ve been really helped by a therapist coming to the home (If daughter has said she gets no formal MH help) as CAMHS can’t offer them any more help & how bad it is when daughter at such critical point in her life with education /social life etc & can’t see any of her friends etc.

Worth a try - but maybe OP has very little chat with her employer & so there’s never any conversation in which case it would be difficult. Usually you get to know a family if you’re working in their home but the relationships & dynamics are difficult & clearly it’s not her role to be a social worker!

Anyway I think it’s tricky for you OP but maybe this could help you understand more about the situation & help what you do next.

If other thing come to light I think you have a safeguarding duty to anonymously report.

Companyofwolves

Anyone can set themselves up as a tutor. There's no requirements for anyone to do it. No need for qualifications, DBS checks, safeguarding. It's a totally unregulated industry so we can't rule the OP out from being the tutor.

Even if she isn't the tutor, it isn't the OP's job to investigate or dig around finding out and probing the child for information. That's a safeguarding no no.

If she has safeguarding concerns then they need to be reported. Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility.

If she isn't going to report them then either she doesn't have safeguarding concerns and is being nosy/judgey, or she's willing to ignore safeguarding concerns (in which case she's doing the very thing she claims society does, which is ignore safeguarding concerns if a family has money).

@LolaSmiles

Ah ok do tutors as a professional body are unregulated then which definitely doesn’t help.

I just think forcing the OP into an extreme position of either report - when everyone is saying what she’s observing would not meet SS’s criteria & she’d probably lose her job as a result or put up & shut up is unhelpful, as clearly in this case it’s much more of a grey area.

It’s entirely reasonable for OP to find out more information about the family - in a natural way as part of her job of getting to know the family as being located in the family home & left with daughter for periods of time.

So as to help we put into a more informed context what she’s seeing.

As PP have said if the daughter has agoraphobia or is ND or got PTSD or anything else it may give the OP more understanding for what she’s seeing & therefore contextualise what to an outsider may seem very odd.

Nothing wrong with being a compassionate & concerned well meaning human versus a judgey, interfering person with a resentment towards people with more money than them.

Maybe daughter doesn’t watch tv alone because she has PTSD & triggers can happen & cause Panic Attacks? Maybe she has epilepsy & gets triggered.

The OP doesn’t know. She can gain a clearer understanding for herself however & then consider what options she has. Without trying to be a social worker.

And if OP is concerned is it not reasonable to ask a parent what she should do when daughter is ever under her sole care?

Are parents taking the piss & using OP as an unofficial childminder for periods of time? If so OP would have a right to know of any medical conditions & what daughter may need if has a panic, epilepsy, asthma episode for eg.

I’m not a tutor

Companyofwolves
Yes sadly tutoring is unregulated and any Tom, Dick and Harry can set up as one.

If the OP isn't the tutor, it's still not her role to investigate. Digging around with a view of finding out /verifying safeguarding concerns is a really bad idea. It's something that's clearly said in safeguarding training.

For example, if the OP has safeguarding concerns and she goes digging but doesn't report, and it spooks a parent who is causing or failing to prevent harm, the OP could find herself out of a job and the child goes under the radar without help. Digging around is also problematic as there's the issue of children feeling like they want to please so it could be accused of leading a child into saying something.

If the OP has safeguarding concerns then she needs to report them because it could be the part of a jigsaw that is missing (eg school might have flagged something up and other agencies might have). Just because something on its own wouldn't trigger social services involvement, so much of safeguarding children is that all the adults are vigilant and then the people with the whole picture can make the decision.

If it's coming down to OP thinking the parents should do more/making a judgement on whether the child has the right mental health support/has or hasn't done the right sort of childhood activities etc then it isn't a safeguarding issue. It's someone from outside a situation judging a family for not dealing with a complex situation the way they think they'd deal with it.