Page 8 | That nobody has sex like on TV?

newbieattheschoolgates · 2023-02-08T17:35:05+00:00

Just watching maternal… lady grabs man, they go in cupboard, she’s lifted against wall and he’s straight in. Similar examples all over the place or maybe I just haven’t lived… 🤔

Goldbar31 · 08/02/2023 23:02

Hups · 08/02/2023 17:56

If my DH tried to lift me up against a wall, he'd end up in traction for years.

Teehee - ditto.

StillMedusa · 08/02/2023 23:05

I once had sex on a rooftop if that counts as wild
(and then tried to get back in the apartment..I was 20 and on holiday with my Dad and Step Mum...and I climbed in through THEIR window by mistake...oops)

It was awesome. And probably the reason I married him
However 35 years later, while both slim, neither of us are quite as nimble any more!!!!

TheShellBeach · 08/02/2023 23:13

They always wake up simultaneously in the morning, and start shagging immediately.

In our house, when we wake up we both need to go stumble blearily to the loo before any bed-action takes place, and I am quite sure that the entire population of MN has to do this as well.

EconomyClassRockstar · 08/02/2023 23:15

To be fair, 15 mins of foreplay would probably distract from the average tv storyline.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/02/2023 23:16

Sometimes my DH’s breath smells so bad in the morning I am amazed that he hasn’t turned my face green when he breaths towards it. Morning sex without having a wee and brushing teeth would just end with us being disappointed and a distinct smell of wee AND poo

MadamLeota · 08/02/2023 23:16

In the name of research, obviously, I have rewatched THAT Nick Kamen advert from the 80s. Now that’s how to look sexy taking off a shirt.

I’ve spent many years staring into laundrettes as I’ve passed them in the hope of seeing some tanned model type washing his jeans and wearing just his boxers but alas, it’s not to be.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/02/2023 23:18

I also hate in films the public sex scenes. There’s a film called Unfaithful with Diane Lane who has an affair with a sexy French man. They shag in a public toilet, in the corridor of his apartment building, everywhere. And I sit thinking “surely SOMEONE is gonna come out their house and find them bumping uglies on the stairs”. I don’t even like having sex with the windows in another room open

hellobethyname · 08/02/2023 23:22

I've had that kind of sex with two different men .

One was - I thought the love of my life . The first time I think I was 30 seconds through the door before my clothes were off and strewn over the stairs . I thought we had a real connection.
We don't even speak to each other now .

The second was a month long fling - hottest sex I ever had and only 6 months ago . Kitchen worktops , table , sofa , stairs , he said he wanted me to smile where've I was in the house . I did for a month . Turned out he was a completely self absorbed twat bit that month was a good one 😁.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/02/2023 23:23

@hellobethyname he wanted you to smile - is that a euphemism?

hellobethyname · 08/02/2023 23:27

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/02/2023 23:23

@hellobethyname he wanted you to smile - is that a euphemism?

I smiled constantly for a month and then realised what a complete self absorbed navel gazing twat he was- I didn't smile after that . Sex was amazing though . I didn't realise g spot existed before him . Sadly he was my last and probably will remain that way .

WeNeedToTalkNow · 08/02/2023 23:29

I know someone whose drunk BF vomited in her face during sex once, you never see that kind of drama on TV

I once farted during sex with my current DP, quite early on in the relationship too

I’m always commenting about the lack of condoms in films/TV shows. No one even mentions the pill or discusses using anything, not even with ONS, and no one ever gets pregnant or catches anything unless it’s vital to the storyline.

AlwaysTheGoodGirl · 08/02/2023 23:33

Wall sex is the best. Also stairs sex. Slightly painful / bruisey when there's no carpet, but my stairs sex experience was the most erotic exciting thing I've ever known.

I do agree though that boob to boob or boob to armpit farts are never portrayed enough in TV or films. And as someone else commented, if you're getting pumped up with air, it's gotta come out again, nothing can be done about that. Better Out Than In is the title of my next screenplay.

turrrniiipz · 08/02/2023 23:33

I heard on a podcast once someone described period drama sex as

There's just some ruffling around under all the layers of the big dresses, one shove and you're in 😂😂😂

Never ever takes one 'shove' in real life

BaggiesBride · 08/02/2023 23:33

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 08/02/2023 18:48

You have to feed the cat or they sit and watch you like a little furry pervert 😁

This is so true 😂😂

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/02/2023 23:37

WeNeedToTalkNow · 08/02/2023 23:29

I know someone whose drunk BF vomited in her face during sex once, you never see that kind of drama on TV

I once farted during sex with my current DP, quite early on in the relationship too

I’m always commenting about the lack of condoms in films/TV shows. No one even mentions the pill or discusses using anything, not even with ONS, and no one ever gets pregnant or catches anything unless it’s vital to the storyline.

My friend had a ONS when she was VERY drunk. They were doing it doggy style and a quick thrust induced her to vomit all over his bed.

Why she didn’t keep this a secret I will never know but I love the fact she told me and I can forever more take the piss out of her 😂

Mamanyt · 08/02/2023 23:37

SantaBakula · 08/02/2023 18:07

I agree , crash through the door flinging shoes , ties, coats off on the way to the bedroom launch themselves onto the bed while stripping off and straight in , no foreplay just jump on each others bones.

Verses me
Stumble through the front door , fall over the cat , pray the house is tidy , feed said cat , try to unknot shoe laces , dash to bed room to hide stray granny knickers, brush teeth drag comb through hair then if we are still in the mood fumble awkwardly with each other.

My God! You've taken over my sex life, now that I'm not using it anymore! I am SO sorry!

Witsendwilly · 08/02/2023 23:39

TheShellBeach · 08/02/2023 23:13

They always wake up simultaneously in the morning, and start shagging immediately.

In our house, when we wake up we both need to go stumble blearily to the loo before any bed-action takes place, and I am quite sure that the entire population of MN has to do this as well.

Don’t speak for all of us. There is sex in this house before getting out of bed more mornings than there isn’t

DixonD · 08/02/2023 23:53

Rookiemama1 · 08/02/2023 18:13

i love that type of sex with my DP, that type of need you now all over each other against the wall sex. We were like that until very recently because I now have a big bump in the way!

I wonder how that got there! 🤣

Congratulations!

beachcitygirl · 08/02/2023 23:54

@ArseMenagerie & @IcedPurple 😳 I always keep my bra on, as I've got massive knockers and with a bra they look great and without they look like two tennis balls in a pair of tights..

DixonD · 08/02/2023 23:57

Moonmelodies · 08/02/2023 19:08

Actually, Sex Life was written, adapted for tv, and directed, by women.

Show quote history

I can believe this (watching it now as I type) and I can identify to a certain extent as well. Sadly!

Apairofsparklingeyes · 09/02/2023 00:04

There’s a good reason that TV shows don’t include those of us who are pensioners in sex scenes. It wouldn’t be quite the same with a mobility scooter up against the wall in a passionate moment or shagging on the stair lift!

DesertRose64 · 09/02/2023 00:26

Ericaequites · 08/02/2023 19:26

@AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds It’s worse when you have four cats lined up on the blanket chest, looking at you with grave disapproval. As for wet spots, I put down a flannel and flannel backed rubber pad to avoid this.

Can’t you just put the cats in the garden rather than put down a flannel and rubber backed pad for them?

headache · 09/02/2023 00:29

They don’t have what we have paper thin bedroom walls and a teenager on each side who stays up late every night. Kills your mood stone dead.

I have noticed a lot of things I’ve watched recently such as Bridgerton, Lady Chatterly have had a scene of the man giving oral sex. For me this is the best part much more intimate than PIV. I think this is due to far more female writers and directors.

DesertRose64 · 09/02/2023 00:30

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/02/2023 23:16

Sometimes my DH’s breath smells so bad in the morning I am amazed that he hasn’t turned my face green when he breaths towards it. Morning sex without having a wee and brushing teeth would just end with us being disappointed and a distinct smell of wee AND poo

That sounds awful. Could you suggest he visit the Dr and Dentist.

Reigateforever · 09/02/2023 00:31

Not only in sex films but also on the USA ‘medical’ program ‘Botched’ women’s nipples are covered.