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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Family photo shoot- sister wants to bring very new man

181 replies

MumToTwo2022 · 08/02/2023 16:08

I have booked a photographer to take family photos for our mum as this is something she has said many times that she would love to have.

Myself, my brother and my sister are paying for this between the three of us as a gift from us all.

The plan is to have photos of the 3 of our families individually, we all have children.
Then have some of us 3 siblings and some of all Mum's grandchildren together as well as some of the lot of us-
My brother, his wife and their 3 children.
Myself, my partner of 11 years and our 2 children.
My sister and her 2 children.

The bit I'm now questioning is that my sister has now told me that she plans to bring a man she's started seeing along and wants him to be in the photos, including the group photos of all 3 families.
This was not the plan when I booked the photographer.

For background-
My sister has been 'seeing' this man for about 6/8 weeks.
They aren't officially in a relationship as yet.
My mum has met this man once.

AIBU to think that he shouldn't be in the family photos that we are having done for my Mum?

OP posts:

MsMarch · 08/02/2023 16:10

YANBU. I still get annoyed every time I walk past a wedding photo where bloody BIL stuck his girlfriend of the moment in. I didn't actually realise at the time. He's such a wanker.

I would tell her that this seems excessive but you're super happy they seem to be going well and suggest that you do a few pictures with him and the rest without. Hedge your bets as it were.

rubyslippers · 08/02/2023 16:11

make sure the photographer puts them as a couple at the end of the groupings so if something goes wrong they can be cropped out

i think it’s not appropriate for her to include him
its a new relationship and family portraits aren’t done very often

MsMarch · 08/02/2023 16:11

Oh, and girlfriend's daughter. DD asked who she was the other day. I don't even remember her bloody name.

DesertIslandCondiment · 08/02/2023 16:11

YANBU.

OrlandointheWilderness · 08/02/2023 16:11

Blimey he's moved fast to get into the family pics after 6 weeks! I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

Anonymous48 · 08/02/2023 16:11

These two statements don't add up for me:

My sister has been 'seeing' this man for about 6/8 weeks.
and
They aren't officially in a relationship as yet.

How can they both be true?

Regardless, a man she has been seeing for less than 2 months definitely shouldn't be in your family photos.

unfortunateevents · 08/02/2023 16:13

New man shouldn't even have met your sister's children yet, let alone be in family photos for posterity! What is her relationship history, if this is the first man she has been seeing for some time maybe she thinks it has potential to be serious? If however she moves on quickly from one man to another definitely not appropriate. If she wants to have him in her "family" photo I guess that's ok although it would be nice to have some of just her and her children as well but the whole group photo shouldn't include him. Could the photographer do one with him and one without?

R0ckets · 08/02/2023 16:13

He shouldn't even have met her kids yet let alone the rest of the family if it really has only been 6-8 weeks.

Given its a gift for your mum and she hasn't met him then no he shouldn't come I wouldn't want to pose for family pictures with a stranger and I doubt your mum would either.

BringMeTea · 08/02/2023 16:17

She is bang out of order. Bizarre. Tell her no, non, nein.

Redglitter · 08/02/2023 16:20

Does he actually want to be involved or is this her idea

IF youre forced to compromise have him in one photo with her but most definitely not in the family one.

pinkyredrose · 08/02/2023 16:20

Anonymous48 · 08/02/2023 16:11

These two statements don't add up for me:

My sister has been 'seeing' this man for about 6/8 weeks.
and
They aren't officially in a relationship as yet.

How can they both be true?

Regardless, a man she has been seeing for less than 2 months definitely shouldn't be in your family photos.

Fairly obvious that they're dating but not in an official relationship.

OP did you tell her not to bring him?

DulcetTones · 08/02/2023 16:22

YANBU. Your sister is being silly. Why does she care to have her new boyfriend in the photos, anyway? Presumably she sees it as some sort of validation. Is she sensitive about being the only sibling who won't have a spouse or partner in the photos, otherwise?

Xrays · 08/02/2023 16:24

6/8 weeks?! Hell no. She’s being a muppet.

Vermin · 08/02/2023 16:25

Maybe she’s trying to dump him- who wouldn’t be massively put off by someone even suggesting something this ott?!

neverbeenskiing · 08/02/2023 16:26

With any luck this won't be an issue as he'll run a mile when she asks him to be there. Can you imagine the awkwardness of posing for professional 'family' photos with someone you've been dating casually for a few weeks! He'll think she's bonkers.

pristinesurfacesGBTD · 08/02/2023 16:26

I agree with the idea to ask the photographer to put new boyfriend on the end so he can be cropped / cut out 😁

VictoriaBun · 08/02/2023 16:26

Wow that would be a definite no from me . She may have had her head turned , but she's certainly not thinking with it !
could someone sit her down and get her to understand it's a crazy idea ?

Original poster

MumToTwo2022 · 08/02/2023 16:29

Anonymous48 · 08/02/2023 16:11

These two statements don't add up for me:

My sister has been 'seeing' this man for about 6/8 weeks.
and
They aren't officially in a relationship as yet.

How can they both be true?

Regardless, a man she has been seeing for less than 2 months definitely shouldn't be in your family photos.

So she's been seeing him 6/8 weeks as in meeting up, dating I guess and classes herself as 'seeing' him...her words not mine but they haven't discussed being in a proper relationship yet.

I'm not sure why those two statements don't add up to you?

OP posts:

OneCup · 08/02/2023 16:30

Could you suggest they get a few couple of photos, just the two of them?

Delectable · 08/02/2023 16:32

Your family photo should be for those who have declared publicly or by blood to be part of your family for life as long as they are able to. Has he proposed to her and she's accepted? What actions has he done to show he plans to be part of their family throughout his life time?

Crikeyisthatthetime · 08/02/2023 16:34

Is this her idea or his?

turrrniiipz · 08/02/2023 16:34

Do all the photos as you'd planned, then an extra couple of shots with him in to shut her up. So if they don't go the distance you have the ones without him in, and if they do then you also have 1 or 2 with him in.

Just tell her to suck it up because he is a virtual stranger and this is a personal family gift. Remind her the photos will be useless if they don't stay together and at this stage it's impossible to know. It's not like they are getting married or have a house/kids etc.

MaverickGooseGoose · 08/02/2023 16:34

No no and more no.

My sister was BM at my wedding, insisted on bringing the new boyfriend, fine she could have a +1 but he's in all the fucking photos, they broke up about six weeks later.

neverbeenskiing · 08/02/2023 16:35

I would tell her something along the lines of "Look Dsis, I'm really happy for you that you've met someone you like so much. But this isn't about us, its a present for DM. She wants family photos, and X isn't family. I understand he's important to you, but DM has only met him once. You can't expect her to have a someone she barely knows in a family photo on her wall, surely? We can ask the photographer to take a couple of pictures of you and X at the end if you like".
If she really doesn't get it once its been spelled out for her I would be a bit worried about her to be honest.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 08/02/2023 16:36

YANBU With luck he will decline as it's not appropriate

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