Family photo shoot- sister wants to bring very new man

[MumToTwo2022]

I have booked a photographer to take family photos for our mum as this is something she has said many times that she would love to have.

Myself, my brother and my sister are paying for this between the three of us as a gift from us all.

The plan is to have photos of the 3 of our families individually, we all have children.
Then have some of us 3 siblings and some of all Mum's grandchildren together as well as some of the lot of us-
My brother, his wife and their 3 children.
Myself, my partner of 11 years and our 2 children.
My sister and her 2 children.

The bit I'm now questioning is that my sister has now told me that she plans to bring a man she's started seeing along and wants him to be in the photos, including the group photos of all 3 families.
This was not the plan when I booked the photographer.

For background-
My sister has been 'seeing' this man for about 6/8 weeks.
They aren't officially in a relationship as yet.
My mum has met this man once.

AIBU to think that he shouldn't be in the family photos that we are having done for my Mum?

I'd say it's a tad soon. But I could understand if she wants in in 'her family' shot.
I'd be tempted to suggest redoing the photos in a year so he can be included in them all if the relationship has progressed.

I'd run a mile if someone I'd been seeing for 6 weeks asked me to be in their family photos

YANBU X

Stalin used to airbrush people out of photos all the time. Usually after he'd had them murdered. These days you don't even need to have people murdered to get them photoshopped out of pics.

Ack, just tell your sister she’s being a dick. If he turns out to be a keeper she can give your Mum her wedding photos.

I am your age, and I had no idea seeing someone and dating someone were different things. And what about being in a relationship? Is that a different category too?

😂

make sure the photographer puts them as a couple at the end of the groupings so if something goes wrong they can be cropped out

Maureen Lipman tells a very similar story in one of her books. At the time she was dating Jack Rosenthal but they weren't married. Her mother said he could come to a family wedding, but he had to stand at one end in the photos, slightly apart from everyone else - so that if the relationship didn't work out she could cut him off the edge of the picture.

YANBU.

My SIL insisted in inserting her new boyfriend in all of my ‘family’ photos at my wedding.

They had a huge shouty row that night and broke up with a lot of bad feeling.

Kinda spoils the photos 👀

Just be very clear he can be in some photos but also you want a complete set without him as the relationship isnso new

Or just be blunt and say: “these are family photos and he’s a total stranger to the whole family, it isn’t appropriate to invite him to this and I suspect he’ll feel quite uncomfortable if he is asked to come.”

You need to tell her No, he is not family.

Maybe some day down the line he will be.

But he's not now. He's not even a committed partner yet.

Not necessarily. I'm late 50's and understand the difference.

This. It’s not about Dsis.

I've been in this situation. Do some photos with and some without. In our case, they stayed together and eventually got married, so we were glad he was in the pictures.

She's crazy!!

My SIL insisted in having whatever randomer she was shagging at the time in our wedding photos. We just left the ones he was in out of our album. He wasn't even appropriately dressed for a wedding!!! Needless to say, he was soon replaced!

I think if I had been dating a woman with two kids and she asked me to appear in professional family photos, I'd run far and fast. I think most people would.

Let her ask him, he'll probably run a mile when a woman he's been seeing for a matter of weeks asks him to be in her family photos, and then your problem will be solved! 😉

I don't get the issue.

youve said you're having a range of photos taken with different configurations/combinations of children plus grandchildren etc. Just make sure there are some which don't include the new squeeze.

Nuts. I was seeing my DP for about that length of time and went with him as a plus one to his siblings wedding. I made damn sure I wasn’t in the family photos - and discreetly wandered off when that time came. I’d have been mortified to be in them.

We are still together now 20 months later but may well not have been.

What happens to family photos in the event of divorce - cut the heads out with nail scissors but keep the photo on display because you were MARRIED?

I think the OP is looking for advice other than ‘tell her no’.

It’s pretty obvious that she should ‘tell her no’. And I’m sure that option has actually occurred to the OP…..?

But in reality, when you’re dealing with someone who’s maybe a bit sensitive about being the only single one, and/or who’s maybe a bit sensitive full-stop, saying ‘no’ probably isn’t going to go down all that well.

OP - can you suggest he’s in a couple as a way of placating her, and then he stands aside for the rest?

To be honest, the most troubling aspect of this is that her DD has met this random, who she’s been seeing/dating (and isn’t even in a relationship with) for only 8 short weeks. How old is the DD?

Send a bit cheeky to me. Because really the only way to cater for him being there is to do extra photos, but that then costs more money, which is unreasonable!

Can you maybe suggest to her that he's only in the photos of her family and not in any of the others? At least that way the other photos will be usable, regardless.

Could you get an extra group photo, one with him and one without? If they split up you can just dump that one. We did something similar with a family wedding. The boyfriend photo has now been disposed of and we are happy we have the alternative. There would be a cost implication but we thought it was worth it.

Well op doesn't sound married either so her boyfriend shouldn't be in the picture either going by your logic.

A family photo shoot should be fun, having some random there that none of you (even your sister really) barely know will change the dynamic and could possibly make you all look akward. Really her children shouldn't have met him at all, it's far too soon and they can't even work out if they are dating or not!

I agree with PP, tell them it's not about her, it's about her mum and she won't want someone that she doesn't know on such a special, intimate occasion.

Get him to wear this just to make it easier to photoshop him out of the photos once your sister has seen sense.

I mean, it might all work out in which case you can just photoshop him back in.