Page 7 | Family photo shoot- sister wants to bring very new man

Hmm1234 · 09/02/2023 19:12

Omg sounds chaotic and like she maybe feels the off one out not having the ‘traditional family’ unit for the photos. But still say no those photos will be years of expensive regret

cockeyedoptimist · 09/02/2023 19:15

MaverickGooseGoose · 08/02/2023 16:34

No no and more no.

My sister was BM at my wedding, insisted on bringing the new boyfriend, fine she could have a +1 but he's in all the fucking photos, they broke up about six weeks later.

That's the opposite of my wedding. My DB brought his very new GF to my small destination wedding . 10 yrs on ... I'm divorced, and she's my much loved SIL and very good friend .

enweto · 09/02/2023 19:17

Tell her that the photos are for your MUM, and so should include the people your MUM loves and cares about. Doesn’t matter how besotted she is with her new man, if he doesn’t have a relationship with your mum, he doesn’t belong in the photo. If it were SISTER’s pictures for HER album, different story of course. But they’re not.

georgarina · 09/02/2023 19:33

If a guy I'd dated for 6 weeks wanted to include me in his family photos I'd think he was insane!

Porshldn93 · 09/02/2023 20:31

YANBU. You should say no. Hopefully this guy thinks it’s an insane idea and doesn’t agree to the photoshoot.

A similar thing happened at my grandmas 70th. My uncles new girlfriend is in all the family photos. They broke up a month later.
It still annoys my grandma there is random woman in a much loved family photo which includes all of her children and grandchildren.

pictoosh · 09/02/2023 20:49

georgarina · 09/02/2023 19:33

If a guy I'd dated for 6 weeks wanted to include me in his family photos I'd think he was insane!

So would I.
Do I want to what? Ehhhh NO.

saraclara · 09/02/2023 21:49

I was thinking the same. If someone I'd dated for six weeks wanted me in his extended family photos, that would probably be the end of the line for me. Eeek.

Answersonapostit · 09/02/2023 22:09

If he does get in the photo have him right on the edge so he can be cropped out in a couple of weeks

eastegg · 09/02/2023 23:26

MumToTwo2022 · 08/02/2023 16:08

I have booked a photographer to take family photos for our mum as this is something she has said many times that she would love to have.

Myself, my brother and my sister are paying for this between the three of us as a gift from us all.

The plan is to have photos of the 3 of our families individually, we all have children.
Then have some of us 3 siblings and some of all Mum's grandchildren together as well as some of the lot of us-
My brother, his wife and their 3 children.
Myself, my partner of 11 years and our 2 children.
My sister and her 2 children.

The bit I'm now questioning is that my sister has now told me that she plans to bring a man she's started seeing along and wants him to be in the photos, including the group photos of all 3 families.
This was not the plan when I booked the photographer.

For background-
My sister has been 'seeing' this man for about 6/8 weeks.
They aren't officially in a relationship as yet.
My mum has met this man once.

AIBU to think that he shouldn't be in the family photos that we are having done for my Mum?

How weird.

If they’re not even officially in a relationship yet, what on earth are the kids going to think? How old are they? How ridiculous that your sister is going to have this, to her kids a fairly random bloke, standing with them in the photos.

eastegg · 09/02/2023 23:40

DestinysGrandchild · 08/02/2023 19:44

On a side note, is this going to be the first time the kids have met him? He isn't even her boyfriend.

I don’t think it is a side-note actually! It was the first thing that struck me.

Northernsouloldies · 09/02/2023 23:41

If I was the boyfriend it would be a no I ain't taking part cos its invasive and weird.

Stewball01 · 10/02/2023 00:17

Definitely not appropriate. I'd hate a family photo with my children and
grandchildren with a stranger in them.
When my dad died, on his stone were the names of children, grandchildren and partners. All well and good but dd got divorced. TG the same wasn't done for my mum as dd had a new husband. If you get my drift. 🤷‍♀️

jtaeapa · 10/02/2023 00:29

Each photo that he’s in, take two copies - one with him and one without him - so your mum can choose. Obv sis is being a weirdo. I had a tiny wedding - immediate family only. BIL brought along his woman of the moment. He’d been with her a week!!!!!! She was not invited, he was not given a plus one because we only invited 8 people and he was not with anyone. She’s on my living room wall 22 years later. Don’t know her surname or anything about her. He of course changed her for a new one. Every time we saw him he had a new one. We couldn’t keep up with the names.

poppetposieandfun · 10/02/2023 04:27

Agreed, odd request and unfair on your Mum.

If she wants to bring him, maybe they can get a photo together but he shouldn't be in the family photos with your Mum, and your Mum should be able to get a photo of her daughter & grandchildren without a random she's 'seeing' in it. I know so many people whose family photos have gone awry with this stuff, one even broke up after the photos and she'd insisted he be in all the photos! I'd also warn the photographer to put him at the very end so he can be cut out if she insists he's in photos with the extended family.

FTLondon · 10/02/2023 06:16

MumToTwo2022 · 08/02/2023 16:08

I have booked a photographer to take family photos for our mum as this is something she has said many times that she would love to have.

Myself, my brother and my sister are paying for this between the three of us as a gift from us all.

The plan is to have photos of the 3 of our families individually, we all have children.
Then have some of us 3 siblings and some of all Mum's grandchildren together as well as some of the lot of us-
My brother, his wife and their 3 children.
Myself, my partner of 11 years and our 2 children.
My sister and her 2 children.

The bit I'm now questioning is that my sister has now told me that she plans to bring a man she's started seeing along and wants him to be in the photos, including the group photos of all 3 families.
This was not the plan when I booked the photographer.

For background-
My sister has been 'seeing' this man for about 6/8 weeks.
They aren't officially in a relationship as yet.
My mum has met this man once.

AIBU to think that he shouldn't be in the family photos that we are having done for my Mum?

YANBU

Your sister may feel a bit awkward that you and your brother with have portraits of your two-parents families and she will be remembered as "the single mum".

Popping in a near-perfect stranger won't change reality, though. And will most certainly leave a bitter taste in everyone's mouths for years to come.

savethatkitty · 10/02/2023 07:11

Your sister is ridiculous for even suggesting it.

Blueink · 10/02/2023 07:28

It could be a sensitive situation for her, but as the photos are for your Mum, I would say “It’s great X wants to come along and be part of the family, but DM has only met X once, so it would be good to have some photos with just you and the kids.

If possible can you compromise and have some photos with and some without him?

It could be a sign his intentions are serious if he wants to come along and pretty brave!

Intrepidescape · 10/02/2023 07:47

MumToTwo2022 · 08/02/2023 16:29

So she's been seeing him 6/8 weeks as in meeting up, dating I guess and classes herself as 'seeing' him...her words not mine but they haven't discussed being in a proper relationship yet.

I'm not sure why those two statements don't add up to you?

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I agree. It made sense to me. They are having sex and going on dates but he hadn’t asked her to be his girlfriend and he is free right now to have sex and go on dates with other women.

Your sister is desperate to lock him in.

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 10/02/2023 07:54

There's something wrong with his boundaries of he's happy to rock up and putting his smiling mug in the family photo with a bunch of strangers. How bloody awkward!

Kjpt140v · 10/02/2023 08:02

Have a chat with him.

Ooshie · 10/02/2023 08:11

Put your foot down and say no, that’s a terrible idea! I had only been seeing my DH for 6 months when I attended his brothers wedding so I made sure I stayed out of family photos. It’s just common courtesy!

MumOf2workOptions · 10/02/2023 08:22

savethatkitty · 10/02/2023 07:11

Your sister is ridiculous for even suggesting it.

Just tell her it's not happening it's a crazy idea and if they are together in a while they can have some photos done separately from this.

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 10/02/2023 09:28

Intrepidescape · 10/02/2023 07:47

I agree. It made sense to me. They are having sex and going on dates but he hadn’t asked her to be his girlfriend and he is free right now to have sex and go on dates with other women.

Your sister is desperate to lock him in.

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Yes and sadly making a mug of herself possibly as who would respect someone who flung the doors open to their most important inner circle like that without any commitment from you, elevating you to a status you haven't yet earned. It just all smells so off.

Heyhoitsme · 10/02/2023 09:35

I'm surprised he can't see its inappropriate.

TiredButDancing · 10/02/2023 09:36

MumToTwo2022 · 08/02/2023 18:22

This is the weird thing (or weird to me anyway) he apparently wants to come!!

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I saw this thread when it started but didn't comment but it niggled at me. I have been on another thread and I realise now why this one was lurking at the back of my mind - apologies if this has come up before - but in retrospect, the first red flag we had about exBIL (but we didn't realise its as a red flag) was his insistence and desire to attend the sort of family events that were not appropriate based on where they were in their relationship. In particular, after just 2 months or so dating, he absolutely INSISTED on coming to the hospital to see me after DC was born AND then made a huge song and dance about how he couldn't find me when he arrived (he didn't even know us well enough to know my NAME - hence he kept asking for the wrong person).

If you're still reading OP, I'd be looking a bit more carefully at the new man's overall behaviour. It was, admittedly, a couple of years later, but this is the same man who had a complete meltdown when I suggested that while MIL was visiting her, DH and SIL go out for dinner one night without me/him and our respective DC. It was INSANE. He literally could not understand why MIL might want just ONE evening with her actual children without the rest of us tagging along.