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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family photo shoot- sister wants to bring very new man

181 replies

MumToTwo2022 · 08/02/2023 16:08

I have booked a photographer to take family photos for our mum as this is something she has said many times that she would love to have.

Myself, my brother and my sister are paying for this between the three of us as a gift from us all.

The plan is to have photos of the 3 of our families individually, we all have children.
Then have some of us 3 siblings and some of all Mum's grandchildren together as well as some of the lot of us-
My brother, his wife and their 3 children.
Myself, my partner of 11 years and our 2 children.
My sister and her 2 children.

The bit I'm now questioning is that my sister has now told me that she plans to bring a man she's started seeing along and wants him to be in the photos, including the group photos of all 3 families.
This was not the plan when I booked the photographer.

For background-
My sister has been 'seeing' this man for about 6/8 weeks.
They aren't officially in a relationship as yet.
My mum has met this man once.

AIBU to think that he shouldn't be in the family photos that we are having done for my Mum?

OP posts:
Tandora · 08/02/2023 19:14

Clymene · 08/02/2023 17:27

I think if I had been dating a woman with two kids and she asked me to appear in professional family photos, I'd run far and fast. I think most people would.

Not sure why you had to add the “two kids” in there 🤨🙄

theblackradiator · 08/02/2023 19:15

These photos are going to be in the family forever and are no doubt expensive I definitely wouldn't want him in the photos.
He's still just some random guy to everyone at the moment after just 6-8weeks. If I was your mum I wouldn't want him in the photos until they'd been in a long term solid relationship and he felt like part of the family. Definitely not some 6 week wonder.
Does the guy actually want to be in the photos? I would feel like I had no right to be on the photos after such a short time.
I think you and your other siblings need to have a word with your sister. maybe just let sister get a photo of her and her new man alone but don't include him on the main family ones.
Even cropping him out of the photos will probably ruin the photos and theyll never look right.

Tandora · 08/02/2023 19:17

DestinysGrandchild · 08/02/2023 19:13

I agree with the 'make sure you get plenty of photos without him' because he shouldn't be in any part but you can't really call it a relationship can you?

The brother has a wife. And the OP has been with her party for years. Shagging someone for a few weeks doesn't really count as FAMILY in the FAMILY photos, does it?

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Both him and her seem to think it’s a relationship , I’d say they probably have more say than you do 💁🏼‍♀️

much better to get a mix of photos and not be dictatorial/ hurtful. Like a pp said, maybe it will last and you’ll all end up glad he was in some photos!

(I massively regret not taking my now partner to my brothers wedding , I decided not to even though he was invited because we’d only been seeing each other a few months. Def regret it now).

DestinysGrandchild · 08/02/2023 19:21

@Tandora okay well they've both said they're just 'seeing' each other and it's not an official relationship🤣 maybe she will get a happy ever after him but he might also do a runner next week. Who knows👍🏼

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 08/02/2023 19:21

MumToTwo2022 · 08/02/2023 18:22

This is the weird thing (or weird to me anyway) he apparently wants to come!!

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OMG He's a photo-bomber!

Can you just take a random shot with him in after you've done the big family ones?
He won't be around long enough for the photos to develop, will he.

neverbeenskiing · 08/02/2023 19:22

MajorCarolDanvers · 08/02/2023 17:47

Your sister is paying for this too.

She gets to decide who is in her photo.

It's not supposed to be "her" photo, it's supposed to her a gift for her DM. How do you think her DM will feel when, having asked for a lovely portrait of her family, she is presented with a framed picture that includes a man she has met once and is then expected to display in her home?

grumpycow1 · 08/02/2023 19:24

I think it’s more about her feeling left out not having a partner… tell her he can come but not in the original shots planned, they can do a separate one at the end

neverbeenskiing · 08/02/2023 19:27

MumToTwo2022 · 08/02/2023 18:22

This is the weird thing (or weird to me anyway) he apparently wants to come!!

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This is a huge red flag. He's only known your sister for a few weeks and he's trying to intrude on a family event. It is not normal for a man to want to have a professional 'family' photos taken with a women and her DC that he barely knows.

Tandora · 08/02/2023 19:28

neverbeenskiing · 08/02/2023 19:27

This is a huge red flag. He's only known your sister for a few weeks and he's trying to intrude on a family event. It is not normal for a man to want to have a professional 'family' photos taken with a women and her DC that he barely knows.

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“Not Normal for a man” , don’t be gross.

maybe he just wants to be supportive of the woman he’s seeing because he’s decided he really likes her.

Littlepaws18 · 08/02/2023 19:29

Just to be clear... this guy wants to come??!! Meaning he wants to be apart of a family photo shoot of a family he hasn't met fully yet- and be on the wall of his gfs mothers wall (who is not fully his gf) who he has never met!!!!!!

Insane!

BTMadmummy · 08/02/2023 19:32

That would be a definite no from me

IglesiasPiggl · 08/02/2023 19:32

Bloody hell I'd run a mile if I were her new man. He's only met her recently and is being inserted into family photos!

neverbeenskiing · 08/02/2023 19:33

Tandora · 08/02/2023 19:28

“Not Normal for a man” , don’t be gross.

maybe he just wants to be supportive of the woman he’s seeing because he’s decided he really likes her.

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Uh ok, if it makes you feel better, it wouldn't be normal for a woman to want to appear in a family photo with a man she'd only been seeing for 6 weeks and his DC either!

You can "really like" someone and still have enough self-awareness and basic social skills to realise that their Mother, who you have met once, probably won't want your face in a frame on her living room wall!!!

ColdHandsHotHead · 08/02/2023 19:37

Make a bargain with her that you'll ask the photographer for some pix of the two of them if he keeps out of the family ones?

tillytown · 08/02/2023 19:39

If she is paying for her photos then you really can't tell her who she can and can't include. It's bizarre he would want to be in the photo though

OoooohMatron · 08/02/2023 19:39

YANBU. Although it does make me chuckle knowing that I'm in my ex boyfriend's group extended family photo, which was taken at a family wedding before he dumped me! I distinctly remember his mum saying "get in xx, you're family now". I miss his mum more than him to be honest.

R0ckets · 08/02/2023 19:40

The trouble with those who are looking for a compromise e.g a few group shots or at the end so he can be removed is that he's a stranger. The chances of the photos being even half decent is minimal because no one will be able to properly relax with him around. I'd be cancelling the whole thing if the only option was he had to come because the pictures simply won't be worth the price.

DestinysGrandchild · 08/02/2023 19:44

On a side note, is this going to be the first time the kids have met him? Confused He isn't even her boyfriend.

Tamarindtree · 08/02/2023 19:47

Of course he should be included!

But only if he is wearing a lemon 🍋 costume because that’s what he is going to look like - a right lemon standing there who doesn’t know hardly anyone at the photo shoot or the recipient of the gift photos!

Tell her that from me!

Tamarindtree · 08/02/2023 19:49

Is he well off and she isn’t?

i wonder if she has tapped him to pay her share of the family photos so feels obliged to include him?

dew141 · 08/02/2023 19:53

My mother has been photoshopping since before Amstrad was even a twinkle in S'Alan's eye.

All boyfriends put at the ends of family group photos and subsequently brutally chopped off with her scissors when the relationship broke down.

She even did the same to my sister when she deemed to be spoiling a photo with me and my brother. It wasn't even neat, just a jagged gaping hole in the middle of the photo. Who needs Adobe Photoshop?

pinkyredrose · 08/02/2023 19:55

Tandora · 08/02/2023 19:28

“Not Normal for a man” , don’t be gross.

maybe he just wants to be supportive of the woman he’s seeing because he’s decided he really likes her.

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Hahaha!! How woefully naive!

pinkyredrose · 08/02/2023 19:57

dew141 · 08/02/2023 19:53

My mother has been photoshopping since before Amstrad was even a twinkle in S'Alan's eye.

All boyfriends put at the ends of family group photos and subsequently brutally chopped off with her scissors when the relationship broke down.

She even did the same to my sister when she deemed to be spoiling a photo with me and my brother. It wasn't even neat, just a jagged gaping hole in the middle of the photo. Who needs Adobe Photoshop?

I love this!!

Tumbleweeder · 08/02/2023 20:00

Why has he ever met her kids? Let alone being in a family photo shoot

Is your sister normally a bit impulsive like this or might he be a bit dominant?

either ways it’s a no and Id be getting mum and brother to back me up

wordler · 08/02/2023 20:14

Do the ones you'd planned without him. And then do some with him. Get the photographer to put him on the end of any photos he's in. It's really easy for a professional photographer to photoshop someone out down the line.

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