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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family photo shoot- sister wants to bring very new man

181 replies

MumToTwo2022 · 08/02/2023 16:08

I have booked a photographer to take family photos for our mum as this is something she has said many times that she would love to have.

Myself, my brother and my sister are paying for this between the three of us as a gift from us all.

The plan is to have photos of the 3 of our families individually, we all have children.
Then have some of us 3 siblings and some of all Mum's grandchildren together as well as some of the lot of us-
My brother, his wife and their 3 children.
Myself, my partner of 11 years and our 2 children.
My sister and her 2 children.

The bit I'm now questioning is that my sister has now told me that she plans to bring a man she's started seeing along and wants him to be in the photos, including the group photos of all 3 families.
This was not the plan when I booked the photographer.

For background-
My sister has been 'seeing' this man for about 6/8 weeks.
They aren't officially in a relationship as yet.
My mum has met this man once.

AIBU to think that he shouldn't be in the family photos that we are having done for my Mum?

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 08/02/2023 17:47

Your sister is paying for this too.

She gets to decide who is in her photo.

Anewuser · 08/02/2023 18:09

Ridiculous, she’s been seeing him five minutes. He’s clearly not family.

We had this with our destination wedding. Only 7 of us there and one of them was FIL’s new girlfriend. They split up during our honeymoon. Spoiled the photos.

Schnooze · 08/02/2023 18:09

No bloody way!

BatshitBanshee · 08/02/2023 18:11

I wouldn't get too stressed about it OP, any relatively sane person would run a mile if asked to be in someone's family photos after 6-8 bloody weeks tbh.

But if he does turn up... I wouldn't be too polite. Or obliging.

catinboots123 · 08/02/2023 18:11

Why does she even want to be in it?? What a weirdo?

MacDoodleofredbrookcounty · 08/02/2023 18:16

Hahahahahaha

Who are these people that do shit like this!!?

Tell her NO.

I don't understand some of the suggestions above.

It is a crazy suggestion from anyone above the age of 10.

MacDoodleofredbrookcounty · 08/02/2023 18:20

MajorCarolDanvers · 08/02/2023 17:47

Your sister is paying for this too.

She gets to decide who is in her photo.

Behave now. You understand fully what OP is saying.

But to play along, I would pay dsis part in order to remove unknown random bloke from precious family photo.

diddl · 08/02/2023 18:21

I'd be interested to know his thoughts on this!

Original poster
MumToTwo2022 · 08/02/2023 18:22

diddl · 08/02/2023 18:21

I'd be interested to know his thoughts on this!

This is the weird thing (or weird to me anyway) he apparently wants to come!!

OP posts:
DMLady · 08/02/2023 18:27

Completely agree that this new man has no place in the photos — but do you think it’s possible that your sister might feel awkward about being the only one without a partner in the photos, OP, and that’s why she’s asked? (I certainly can’t see any other reason for it!)

Ginger1982 · 08/02/2023 18:28

Nah, no chance.

Justalittlebitduckling · 08/02/2023 18:29

Surely this man is horrified by the prospect? Any sensible person would run a mile at such a suggestion so early in a relationship!

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 08/02/2023 18:30

Maybe she feels that her family would be complete with this man if you or your brother both have partners & she doesn't?

Stress that he's not invited as it might spook him after 8 weeks, maybe say that as early days.

Also if he does turn up it will be hard to exclude him in photos without a bog drama and ill feeling.

My mum used to put a new boyfriend in every card and I had to bin them in the end as its always a reminder of how many have been in & out my life. She just wanted a family unit but Not good memories for me.

Good luck! 😘

XJerseyGirlX · 08/02/2023 18:30

Like a previous pp has said , have a quick word with the photographer and ask him to put him on the end so he can be cropped out if they split.
My Aunty edited her ex husband out when they split and edited Johnny depp in our family photo that we have hanging up.

Floralnomad · 08/02/2023 18:31

The only photos he’d be getting in would be the ones with only her children in them , he wouldn’t be getting in any of the whole family ones .

JessicaFletcherscrewnecksweater · 08/02/2023 18:45

“Why do you want your sort-of-boyfriend in the photos? Mum doesn’t know him. We don’t know him. Don’t be mental.”

Unsure33 · 08/02/2023 18:53

XJerseyGirlX · 08/02/2023 18:30

Like a previous pp has said , have a quick word with the photographer and ask him to put him on the end so he can be cropped out if they split.
My Aunty edited her ex husband out when they split and edited Johnny depp in our family photo that we have hanging up.

Love this . I would love to edit Johnny into some of my photos .

alittleadvicepls · 08/02/2023 18:55

Very strange... not as strange as him actually wanting to be in the photos though. Can he just not be in her pictures but not the whole family pic? What does your brother think about it?

Refrosty · 08/02/2023 19:01

My mum is like this. I have a different man with her at birthdays, graduation and wedding 🙈

Alconleigh · 08/02/2023 19:03

Him wanting to be in it is a screaming red flag. Most people would run a mile if asked something so bizarre.

AutumnTreacle · 08/02/2023 19:05

Him wanting to come is weirder than her wanting him there IMO!
Both are bonkers, I’d be saying no to any family shots but if she’s like one of them together she has paid a third I guess let her have a few shots?

DestinysGrandchild · 08/02/2023 19:07

Why the fuck would he even want to be in them?

If I had started seeing someone and they were having family photos after 42 days of meeting me, I would absolutely stay away/not want to be in them.

Just tell her that it's not happening and if she feels like he should be in them, she can book a separate one for her family.

Tandora · 08/02/2023 19:08

Dunno, I don’t see why you get to define your sisters relationship for her, if you and your brother are having your partners, I don’t think you can tell her she has to pose on her own for all the photos if she doesn’t want too. Just make sure you also get plenty without him in.

Im saying YABU.

ladymacbeth · 08/02/2023 19:09

Doesn't "dating" = "being in a relationship" (proper or otherwise)? I don't understand the difference.

Well no, otherwise you'd be in a relationship after one date!!

DestinysGrandchild · 08/02/2023 19:13

Tandora · 08/02/2023 19:08

Dunno, I don’t see why you get to define your sisters relationship for her, if you and your brother are having your partners, I don’t think you can tell her she has to pose on her own for all the photos if she doesn’t want too. Just make sure you also get plenty without him in.

Im saying YABU.

I agree with the 'make sure you get plenty of photos without him' because he shouldn't be in any part but you can't really call it a relationship can you?

The brother has a wife. And the OP has been with her party for years. Shagging someone for a few weeks doesn't really count as FAMILY in the FAMILY photos, does it?