Family photo shoot- sister wants to bring very new man

[MumToTwo2022]

I have booked a photographer to take family photos for our mum as this is something she has said many times that she would love to have.

Myself, my brother and my sister are paying for this between the three of us as a gift from us all.

The plan is to have photos of the 3 of our families individually, we all have children.
Then have some of us 3 siblings and some of all Mum's grandchildren together as well as some of the lot of us-
My brother, his wife and their 3 children.
Myself, my partner of 11 years and our 2 children.
My sister and her 2 children.

The bit I'm now questioning is that my sister has now told me that she plans to bring a man she's started seeing along and wants him to be in the photos, including the group photos of all 3 families.
This was not the plan when I booked the photographer.

For background-
My sister has been 'seeing' this man for about 6/8 weeks.
They aren't officially in a relationship as yet.
My mum has met this man once.

AIBU to think that he shouldn't be in the family photos that we are having done for my Mum?

Can you just get the photographer to take some with him in and some without and then when it comes to choosing the prints, everyone can pick the ones they want?

No. Probably in a few years time everyone will be wondering who the hell he is

Stick him on the end so you can cut him off?
This is our family rule and it bloody works, it's actually very satisfying cutting off folk who turned out not to be so amazing (I'm looking at you cousin dearest!!)

Very inappropriate, how odd that she can’t see this for herself. I think you need to say no, but a concession could be that one of her own family unit photos has him in and then maybe another without him. Definitely not in the group photos.

Why would he even want to? Anyone with half a brain cell would know that would be massively inappropriate!

Oh no...don't have him in your family photos. She's known him such a short time. He's not family! What's she thinking??!! We did similar for my parents Golden Wedding Anniversary gift. Me, dh, my dd. Db, dsil, his 2 dds and his ds. Dnephew was not impressed we asked his girlfriend of 4 years not to be in the photo. So glad cos they split within 2 yrs and we often remark how we don't think we could have pics up uf she was in them! It just wouldn't represent our family if she was in them.

I was gonna say exactly this.

Obviously YANBU, it's a terrible idea.

But I wonder if she feels self conscious being the only single parent of the three siblings? Maybe reassure her that you'll have some with the 3 siblings/3 of you plus kids, I.e. without partners?

Definitely no.

One of my biggest bug bears is that in our wedding photos, most of our big family group shots have BILs (then) gf in.

He had a plus one on the invite and over the course of a few months changed his plus one three times. New gf was invited by him 3 weeks before the wedding - they'd been together about 5 weeks when we got married.

DH and I kind of got swept away in the day, didn't think about photos too deeply and the photographer put her in every family shot that partners were in (all others of several years). A couple of days after the wedding they split...i can't even remember her surname. Bugs the living shit out of me that she's in all our family shots!

Doesn't "dating" = "being in a relationship" (proper or otherwise)? I don't understand the difference.

Oh wow, that’s bizarre! Of course he can’t be in them.

I had the opposite at my wedding. My sister’s boyfriend of a couple of years was there, but she knew she was planning to end it with him, so she was trying to make sure he didn’t accidentally end up in any of the photos, without him realising what she was doing…

Can you imagine dating someone for a few weeks and being invited to an extended family photoshoot!? I'd have run for the hills!

Anyway just say it's for your mum and you're not sure if she wants a guy there she doesn't know. Then speak to the photographer, this wont be the first time this has happened and they can probably have some with him in and some without. And you can choose which to get printed. And if he turns into a long term partner you can get them reprinted

If he agrees to this then he is very strange

Why didn't she end it before the wedding. Bizarre.

Well, I guess because then she would have been miserable and post-breakup at the wedding, and dividing my parents’ attention and concern? She was 22, first relationship, knew it didn’t have much longer to run but wasn’t going to be so attention seeking as to dump her boyfriend immediately before her sister’s wedding!

Tell your sister she's being fucking ridiculous and of course her new fuck buddy isn't going to be in the family photos. Has she no sense at all?

is this coming from him or her?
I ask as my friend had a super clingy partner who insisted after a few weeks of being included in everything and would, in this situation, gone into a massive manipulative strop if she wasn t included.

Mind you, they virtually moved in after a week. That's middle aged lesbians for ya.

I'm going to assume you're at least my age (40s). My teenagers can confirm "seeing" someone and "dating" someone are two different things these days.
There's also the "talking" stage which precedes "seeing" someone apparently!

When i was in my early 20s i was engaged to a man after being BF/GF for a couple of years. Before we got married, me, him and his two brothers, with their wives, had a 'family' photo of the 6 of us for his mum's milestone birthday. Me and said man broke up before getting married. Family photo consigned to the attic because of my presence!
You don't go on a family photo until you are fully established - years in and sharing a home, wedding bands, kids or all 3!

I also find it really weird that rather than some lovely professional pictures of her and her kids she would rather have this bloke in them. When he's inevitably no longer in her life at least she can still display the professional pictures if he didn't attend the photo shoot.

Seeing / Dating is just that. Been on some dates, but not yet discussed where it's going, agreed to be exclusive. So if you're just seeing someone, they could also be seeing other people, as could you.

I wonder how many family photo shoots he's planning on joining.

Not really ok for your sister to squeeze him into the family photos. How would she feel if he came along, but sat out of most of the photos, then did a range of photos with him in too? I get that might be awkward, but it's already awkward trying to shoe horn your fuck buddy into the family portrait.

Check with her whether she actually wants him in the photo - you are making that assumption but perhaps she just wants him there but he won't be in the photos

Just tell her no. No dramas.

What kind of weirdo wants to participate in their new gf/bf's family photoshoot? 😂

Demented behaviour.

Well, your sister certainly doesn’t like to play it cool! Does he even want to come to the family photoshoot?!