To be upset at how I’ve been treated?

[UnluckyPennsatucky]

I’m a long standing member of a club that has been running for many years. Unfortunately a lot of the older members have left now due to failing health and other commitments.
What we have now is new member joining and then leaving again a few weeks later. This is an issue as I do a lot of admin for new members and it’s a waste of time and resources if they’re going to disappear after a few weeks.

So, I put it to the group that we introduce a kind of “initiation” set up so that people who are genuinely interested in the group will put the effort in before I do their admin. Group leader agreed and told me to set it up but nothing too intense or over the top.

So I came up with two stages. First one is they are asked to “design” a new character for Harry Potter.

Second is they have to walk to a nearby field with the group and fire water squirters at each other (very weak squirters, hardly any water comes out, just a bit of fun).

So new members were told this two weeks ago. Last week, still no new HP characters and refusal to walk to the field saying it was too cold/dark and they could squirt in the car park.

Long story short, group leader has now turned on me saying I’m putting off new members and I take everything too seriously and spoil it for everyone (water squirters - too serious??!! It’s literally the opposite of serious!)

I told her about the costs of pointless admin for people that don’t return and she made out that they don’t return because they don’t like me and that the admin stuff I do is unnecessary too.

I’ve since been taken off the WhatsApp group. The next group session is tomorrow night and I don’t even know if I’m welcome anymore. I’m beyond gutted. I’ve been a member for around 15 years.

Do I just apologise (even though I genuinely don’t see what I’ve done wrong!) or turn up anyway and not mention it??

Does it matter that they don’t match? Why? What about the badges promote a community spirit?
You’re rigidly trying to keep everything exactly the same as it’s always been. You need to let that go, it’s not going to happen. Things change.

Initiations are a thing, and work, when you are trying to forge a close bond between people. Like sports teams or fraternities. You also find them in roles where people are going to undergo intense experiences together and have to trust one another. So they have a purpose.

However, people joining fraternities or taking on intense jobs know that from that start and are clearly drawn to that side of things. Nobody joining a book club is looking for an intense, blood-brothers bond with the other members of the group. You might end up with one, and that's great, but it's not the purpose of the group! Something far more appropriate might be "bring along your favourite book and talk about it to the group" or similar, and even then, not during their first meeting. You're going to attract a lot of introverted, indoors-y people who do not want to get even a tiny bit wet (yes I might be projecting but I HATE getting squirted with even small drops of water, yes I'm boring but surely part of the joys of being older is never having to be in a bloody water fight ever again).

Sorry OP but it sounds very primary school playground friendship group. Like five 8 year olds who call themselves "The Rainbow Girls" or some shite and you have to do tasks to be able to join them as they march around the playground actually not doing anything at all.

You should make them run naked over hot coals while other members hit them with sticks.
😂

I don`t understand the admin - log of books ? print blank ones and leave them to anyone who wants them - badges - stickers and markers people can do themselves?

I am in a number of book and other clubs to me the key thing is to keep it low key and low work for anyone - its about being in a shared space sharing a hobby. I would run a mile at ice breaker initiations - I am not a teenager!

The badge lady initially started with different animals on each badge. When she left it was changed to book characters but now people don’t even wear them half the time. I did propose that people shouldn’t be allowed in without the badge and again that was agreed on by the leader and then she went against me again when it came down to it. This is the most difficult bit, she agrees with me and then turns on me when the shit hits the fan.

p.s. things don't create nor forge community spirit - people engaging do.

Those traditions relate to the former members of the club. They don’t seem to mean anything to the newer members and you’re trying to force them to care about the traditions anyway.

I’m not surprised people are quitting if they’re confronted by someone trying to police their participation of a creative writing group with ‘correct’ badges and log books and charts and (oh dear god no!) initiations.

Step back. Remember what it’s really about - a shared enjoyment of reading and writing.

You don’t need badges to have a good reading group OP.

I would run a mile! make adults wear a badge to engage in a creative space - that kind of is an oxymoron.

OP, it's a shame that the group has changed from what you enjoyed.

But if i were looking to join a group, I think I'd find the rules, badges and initiations very unwelcoming.

Why don't you follow other posters' suggestion to go along as a group member and pass the admin role to someone else?

Things change. Processes change. Group dynamics change. Often for the better and more suited to the majority.

If it's a book club or wrong group why on earth would you think water squirters would be an appropriate task. How odd. Why not just ask them to review the last book they read or read their own writing to the group

Why not just have a four week trial for membership and do the admin if people decide to join fully after that? It's a model that is used for some of the clubs my kids do.

Please though can you ask the BBC to consider a documentary based on your group because I think it would be fascinating with the various dynamics (and of course could strengthen your argument for having badges since they would be televisual).

This post is too much. There is no way this thread isn't a pisstake.

Sorry op, but it's starting to sounds like you're the problem here.

OP, you are suggesting that if one of your friends in the group turned up having forgotten their badge, you would want them to the turned away? You can see why that’s unworkable surely?

Ok example - last week group started and someone mentioned a series on Netflix, the next 20 minutes was spent talking about Netflix. It’s supposed to be a bloody book club. New members don’t seem to give a shit about the club, they’re just there for something to do (and probably for the penguins).
One of them didn’t even read the book. It’s just getting so pointless. And yes I’m very sad about it.

Goodness me - you were seriously planning to refuse entry to people who'd made the effort to come out and join in, for not wearing a badge??? You know that if you do that they're never coming back, don't you?

My 7 year old would like badges with book characters on at groups she attends. Adults? Not so much.

Group leader sounds like she may just go along with you whereas you would be better with black & white so an outright no.
So you say badges should be worn she says ok because it’s a nice idea but in reality doesn’t give two hoots if they have a badge on or not as it doesn’t matter. Where you think she’s agreed no badge no entry.
Do you have an autism diagnosis op? Just wondering if the other club members would be more understanding if they were aware.

Penguins??? Oh please say they're real and not biscuits....

I guess the leader is trying to keep everyone happy and is agreeing with you because you’re quite passionate about some ideas - and you’ve been there for a long time. But when everyone else says they don’t like it, the leader will cave. It’s not fair that the leader isn’t saying “ok, we made a bad choice and we’ve decided to do X instead” but is instead saying “yeah she wanted it but let’s not bother” or similar - but I think this shows that perhaps you can be pretty unbending and aren’t willing to back down on your ideas there, and she’s agreeing under sufferance? She’s not dealing with it very well but neither are you. Try to think about the good things you can get from a new style group - don’t try to recreate the old one.

and probably for the penguins made me laugh lol

Op - if it has turned into a general social group and people aren't interested in returning it to a reading group then you need to find a different reading group.

I am autistic but group leader is already aware of this.