To be upset at how I’ve been treated?

[UnluckyPennsatucky]

I’m a long standing member of a club that has been running for many years. Unfortunately a lot of the older members have left now due to failing health and other commitments.
What we have now is new member joining and then leaving again a few weeks later. This is an issue as I do a lot of admin for new members and it’s a waste of time and resources if they’re going to disappear after a few weeks.

So, I put it to the group that we introduce a kind of “initiation” set up so that people who are genuinely interested in the group will put the effort in before I do their admin. Group leader agreed and told me to set it up but nothing too intense or over the top.

So I came up with two stages. First one is they are asked to “design” a new character for Harry Potter.

Second is they have to walk to a nearby field with the group and fire water squirters at each other (very weak squirters, hardly any water comes out, just a bit of fun).

So new members were told this two weeks ago. Last week, still no new HP characters and refusal to walk to the field saying it was too cold/dark and they could squirt in the car park.

Long story short, group leader has now turned on me saying I’m putting off new members and I take everything too seriously and spoil it for everyone (water squirters - too serious??!! It’s literally the opposite of serious!)

I told her about the costs of pointless admin for people that don’t return and she made out that they don’t return because they don’t like me and that the admin stuff I do is unnecessary too.

I’ve since been taken off the WhatsApp group. The next group session is tomorrow night and I don’t even know if I’m welcome anymore. I’m beyond gutted. I’ve been a member for around 15 years.

Do I just apologise (even though I genuinely don’t see what I’ve done wrong!) or turn up anyway and not mention it??

If you don't want to do the admin then you step down, not make up asinine "initiation rituals."

Answering honestly OP

how do you get on with work colleagues? I’m going to take a punt that you have butt heads with people

do you have friends? A partner? Children?

Creative writing club? 😮
Were you actively trying to stop new members joining? Wouldn’t writing a short story and reading it the group been a more relevant initiation? 😂

Despite your updates it's unclear why admin is needed? Can you have a sign in sheet or do the admin once someone has attended 5 sessions or something?

The initiation ideas are weird

The fact that there's loads of admin is weird (surely just one form is needed?)

I think its possible you take it all way too seriously, OP

Then I’m afraid that your initiation ideas are totally bonkers. Sorry. I’d love a book group but would hate the initiation and it would absolutely put me off. I think you need to kind of apologise - but they’re not treating you well either. I think really you’re sad about how the group has changed - but don’t take it out on the new members, things move on and there’s no point being resentful or trying to force things. Find the good in what’s there and join in.

I love reading and creative writing…if I tried to join a group and was given the tasks you’ve laid out I would not be going back! Why a new Harry Potter character…are you testing if they are good enough creatively for the club, cause that’s off putting. And the water squirting is just dumb. It’s freezing cold and wet. And it has nothing to do with the club they want to join.

Sounds like a great club but I absolutely wouldn’t join anything where I had to stand in a field playing with water pistols to show I was serious about joining! What were you thinking?

Just hold off badge/log book for a few weeks.
Have a new recruit generic one that they borrow for first few weeks. It doesn’t need to be a big deal.

Don't bother.

They can make their own. Adage and log book and bring a photo I themselves if they wish

Just go and have a good time

You wanted people to have a water fight before they could join a book club? Are you nine?! No wonder people were put off. The admin doesn't sound essential, suggests a rota to do it and only after someone has come for a month or two. If it doesn't happen it doesn't sound like this will be a huge issue. And it's not then your problem.

I suppose the initiation may well have the effect of cutting down admin, because I, as a fully grown adult, sure as hell wouldn't join in with any nonsense like that to go to a bloody book group.

Law of unintended consequences, innit?

Your initiation sounds bonkers. What has squirting people with water got to do with creative writing? Why can't you give them a blank badge to write their name on and e mail them the log book to print at home. Why they need a photo on a chart is beyond me.

Can't they just write their name on a sticky label?
Then if they stick around long enough, do all the other stuff.

On normal club mights do people expect to be squirted with water pistols or such like? I’m intrigued about how you came up with that as part of the initiation otherwise.

So - do this once every 6 weeks for anyone who’s still there. Or every couple of months. The piecemeal aspect of this would be what makes it tedious - offer to do them in batches. Then if people drop out before then, you don’t need to do anything.

Just leave the admin bits until people have been coming a couple of months. Use sticky labels until they have a badge. Problem solved.

I'd love to design a new harry potter character...

Thanks everyone, I think someone hit the nail on the head when they said I’m upset that the group has changed. I am. It used to be such a close knit group where we all knew each other and loved the club equally. Now it’s just strangers and the old members complaining about coming out in the cold.

Sorry OP, although I can see what you're trying to do with the initiation stages and things, no matter what the club was that I wanted to join if it had any mention of squirting water pistols at each other in a field, I'd find a different club. I just imagine the muddy shoes, the cold and wet clothing, the inability to dry off in this weather so being stood there in wet chilly clothes. It's just quite off putting. I wouldn't mind doing the HP character but in the same way I don't like water pistols in a field, I'm sure there are others that would not enjoy the character design.

I think scrapping these initiations might help the club grow. You do sound very dedicated and it's great that you're coming up with ideas to introduce people to your club (which does sound enjoyable) but not everyone is going to be up for something like that.

I've read many batshit threads during my time on here but I think this one might top them all

How does water pistols and design a character relate to creative writing.
Surely people attracted to that want a sedentary writing based activity.
It sounds totally bonkers. Just scrap initiations.

Meant kindly, I think you might be taking the admin too far and too seriously and the rest of the group may want you to back off? I agree they have been unkind though. I would speak to the leader, apologise but point out they have been twattish too. Hopefully an apology might be forthcoming from them and you could start afresh with a more laid back attitude? Good luck!

The initiation is odd. Can't you just have new people write their name on a sticker for the first few sessions then upgrade them to an actual badge after x meetings ?
Is the group chart digital ? Uploading a pic shouldn't take long or be costly ?

Is this actually a creative writing exercise? Because no way did you think water pistols in Jan/Feb are just ok