To be upset at how I’ve been treated?

[UnluckyPennsatucky]

I’m a long standing member of a club that has been running for many years. Unfortunately a lot of the older members have left now due to failing health and other commitments.
What we have now is new member joining and then leaving again a few weeks later. This is an issue as I do a lot of admin for new members and it’s a waste of time and resources if they’re going to disappear after a few weeks.

So, I put it to the group that we introduce a kind of “initiation” set up so that people who are genuinely interested in the group will put the effort in before I do their admin. Group leader agreed and told me to set it up but nothing too intense or over the top.

So I came up with two stages. First one is they are asked to “design” a new character for Harry Potter.

Second is they have to walk to a nearby field with the group and fire water squirters at each other (very weak squirters, hardly any water comes out, just a bit of fun).

So new members were told this two weeks ago. Last week, still no new HP characters and refusal to walk to the field saying it was too cold/dark and they could squirt in the car park.

Long story short, group leader has now turned on me saying I’m putting off new members and I take everything too seriously and spoil it for everyone (water squirters - too serious??!! It’s literally the opposite of serious!)

I told her about the costs of pointless admin for people that don’t return and she made out that they don’t return because they don’t like me and that the admin stuff I do is unnecessary too.

I’ve since been taken off the WhatsApp group. The next group session is tomorrow night and I don’t even know if I’m welcome anymore. I’m beyond gutted. I’ve been a member for around 15 years.

Do I just apologise (even though I genuinely don’t see what I’ve done wrong!) or turn up anyway and not mention it??

I wouldn't expect to have to work or stand in a cold field squirting water pistols to be allowed to join a bloody book club.
You don't need any of that "admin", when someone new comes you introduce them at the start. Job done.

This is hilarious in a rather sad way

It's not for me. Thank you for the opportunity Lord Sugar.

They’re not water pistols, just little characters that spit a bit of water out

It was just meant to be a bit of an ice breaker.

Harry Potter was chosen as most people have either read the books or seen the films.

It’s very Alan Bennett Talking Heads

Maybe it'll get picked up by the papers 😁

Indeed

Can’t you just say that all this admin will be done once a person has been a member of the group for x amount of weeks? Can someone else take an admit role too?

if people are not staying in the group I don’t think introducing humiliating initiation activities will help. Maybe making people feel more welcome will or addressing whatever issue puts people off staying.

I can imagine it’s sad to looses group dynamic that you loved. However I think you need to think, as a group, of some positive ways to get back a good group dynamic. It won’t be the same as before, because things change. But you could still work towards getting a good group or regular members.

as an aside- I can’t even imagine what type of group it is where badges and water squirters are involved!

Irrelevant. Absolutely not a change I’m standing in a field squirting water at someone from a ‘character’ 😂. It just sounds ridiculous.

Op

m looking at your relationships with colleagues, friends etc… do you often butt heads?

If it's a creative writing club then why are you asking people to piggyback off of another author's work?
And even if it's just "a bit" of water, it's still a ridiculous plan. No wonder new members vote with their feet.

Why do you need so much admin for a book club? Just email what book you’re reading this week?

Water squirters?!

Do they really need badges and log books? It sounds like you’ve invented work for yourself and now you’re mad that you have to do too much of it. Just stop!! If in 3 months people start desperately missing badges and log books then you can all get back into and share the load equally but for now… just don’t.

And yes your initiation rituals sound very odd. More like youth club activities than an adults creative writing group

I work from home. Very few friends unsurprisingly 😂 I’ve just never been very good with people. This club was the only thing I ever found where I could be myself and actually socialise and now I’ve cocked it up.

Couldn't people have a sort of probationary period of a month or six weeks with no admin and then sort out the admin.

I've never read HP or watched the films so wouldn't have a clue what to do with that.

It's freezing .
What on earth went through your mind?
You can email them the log and the badge template they can make their own

Initiations are beyond weird and really set an unpleasant tone of forcing new members with less power to do thinks they are uncomfortable with to seek esteem from more powerful members. It is toxic.

Just don't do the admin. It doesn't sound at all important.

If you were being brutally honest, is there any chance you are used to having a certain status linked to this role, that is important to you, and you are hoping to keep via this plan?

Just don't do the admin. It doesn't sound at all important.

The leader of the group said to stop because it wasn't important. Let the ego go and just enjoy the group without trying to "test" people.

Even if this was a group l was desperate to join, quite frankly, wild horses wouldn't get me near it with that 'initiation'.
I imagine not everyone knows about Harry Potter (unless of course, the group is related to it?). They may have heard of it, of course, but not to the degree of being able to come up with a new character.
And the water pistol thing would be the killer for me.
I wouldn't entertain it, l'm afraid.

The initiation sounds weird. Like really weird. Step back from the admin and let someone else do it, a lot of the time people genuinely think if I don’t do it no one will but honestly someone always does.

The badges are a sore subject. I’ve fought hard to keep them as nobody else can be arsed with them anymore. They were brought in 15 years ago by a lovely lady in her 70s. I just don’t want them to disappear too.

They can’t print them themselves as they have to be a certain way. I have the program that makes them.

How completely bizarre. I don’t think your suggestions for ‘initiation’ are reasonable and I think it’s likely that people are put off by that.
A ’probationary’ period before starting any paperwork makes much more sense.

On a serious note if you’ve got public liability insurance for a creative writing group it won’t cover random initiations as that’s outside of what is expected.
So someone injures self falling in field in dark or slipping on water from pistol group won’t be insured.
If you still want to go I’d go and say you’ve scrapped initiations it was meant to be fun but you understand it wasn’t right thing. Going forward you’ll do admin but wont do anything for newbies unless been a few weeks and want to carry on.

If the group leader implied people weren't coming back because they don't like you, is it possible that you're clinging on to how the group used to be and trying to mould new members to replace the old ones? I can see that would put people off. As people move on, group dynamics change and it sounds like it's evolving into something different. I can imagine that new members' expectations of a book/writing club would be staying warm and dry, maybe sharing round some cake and talking about literature. It sounds like it would be a shame for you to lose this club, but you might have to adapt to it being something it wasn't before and decide if you can enjoy it for what it is now without trying to drive it back to something that's lost with the old members.

Are they just name badges? Why do they have to be a specific way? What will happen if they’re not?