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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder about bystanders ( eg during assault on school girl in Ashford)

342 replies

whatchaos · 08/02/2023 13:24

to wonder about the ethics of being a bystander, and wonder what the bystanders were doing during the appalling assault in Ashford (Surrey) when a schoolgirl was beaten up, the awful video shows a grown woman encouraging primary aged kids to get involved...but there are any number of bystanders including a man in a car, the school principal (at the end) and any number of other school kids including much older looking boys. Wondering if anyone here would have tried to intervene to stop the fight or encouraged their children to intervene in cases like this?

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/girl-10-among-five-arrested-29158603

OP posts:
UdoU · 09/02/2023 12:17

I'm brown and I would have definitely intervened. And have done before.

So many cowards on this thread.

Simonjt · 09/02/2023 12:21

catandcoffee · 08/02/2023 13:30

The fact adults were filming and giving instructions....no I certainly wouldn't intervene.
I would however, call the Police.

I intervened once, I ended up with broken bones, not only that but poor little rich white boy who fell over after hitting me and suffered a (minor and temporary) brain image had some lovely connections, so I ended up in court charged with ABH. The man who actually broke bones and beat three people up didn’t have a single charge brought against him, despite some very good and very clear cctv.

MangoBiscuit · 09/02/2023 12:22

I will preface this by saying I'm ND, so I'm aware that my brain doesn't always function is a "normal" way, but I can't understand seeing awful things like that happening, and not trying to help. I was driving past on the other side of the road when I realised that 3 guys had jumped a teen on a bicycle, and were attacking him. I pulled over, and ran across. Two men, much bigger than me had also pulled over, and were watching, and doing nothing. My adrenaline kicked in, and I grabbed the nearest attacker. It wasn't a concious decision, I just can't stand by, it's like instinct takes over. I can't relate to an instinct that isn't to help. Not judging, I just relate to it at all.

RiktheButler · 09/02/2023 12:26

UdoU · 09/02/2023 12:17

I'm brown and I would have definitely intervened. And have done before.

So many cowards on this thread.

How much time have you spent in Stanwell? How well do you know the area?

SpinningFloppa · 09/02/2023 12:29

UdoU · 09/02/2023 12:17

I'm brown and I would have definitely intervened. And have done before.

So many cowards on this thread.

It’s not really about being a coward I don’t get involved directly in things that aren’t my business?? Not defending it but do we even know what it was over? Could be retaliation 🤷‍♀️ it obviously wasn’t a random attack and there would be a back story, not saying it was justified but obviously was an ongoing issue, maybe retaliation, revenge who knows?

wombat1a · 09/02/2023 12:30

I feel sorry for the police, niece is in the police but its things like this that are so depressing. Something like this happens and people won't get involved but will call the police for people like my lovely cousin to end up getting punched. Then we read things like people telling their daughters that if the police ever try to arrest them to put up the biggest fight they can because you never know it might save you from something.

Then I hear rubbish about people assaulting, punching kicking police resisting arrest and at sentencing they are sentenced far less than they would be than if they had attacked a people of the public because the for the police 'it's all part of the job'.

It's high time we changed the laws here so that attacking police gets serious jail time rather than its seen as just part of the job.

carmenitapink · 09/02/2023 12:31

I would shout that they should get off her and that I was calling the police and call them immediately, but no would not directly intervene if I'm being honest. What if the mum or the crazy daughters started attacking someone who tried to intervene?!

The fact the headteacher did not even shout telling them to get off her is mind blowing.

SpinningFloppa · 09/02/2023 12:33

wombat1a · 09/02/2023 12:30

I feel sorry for the police, niece is in the police but its things like this that are so depressing. Something like this happens and people won't get involved but will call the police for people like my lovely cousin to end up getting punched. Then we read things like people telling their daughters that if the police ever try to arrest them to put up the biggest fight they can because you never know it might save you from something.

Then I hear rubbish about people assaulting, punching kicking police resisting arrest and at sentencing they are sentenced far less than they would be than if they had attacked a people of the public because the for the police 'it's all part of the job'.

It's high time we changed the laws here so that attacking police gets serious jail time rather than its seen as just part of the job.

Really? I would have thought the police wouldn’t want anyone to get directly involved?

Mabelface · 09/02/2023 12:34

Hobbesmanc · 08/02/2023 14:50

I waded into a group of lads who were pushing around a older man who obviously off his head on spice. This was Piccadilly Gardens in Manchester where sadly this isn't unusual.

The lads were drunk and laughing. I shouted and they started to give me verbals and threatened me. But to be fair another couple came over too and they backed off. Afterwards I thought i could have been hurt. But I'd do it again

You were brave! I'd not take on anyone hanging round there!

Zoutdroopje · 09/02/2023 12:35

This isn’t a ‘normal’ fight between kids though. It’s an organised assault on a young girl with multiple protagonists, organised by an adult.

Having been seriously assaulted as a child by a group of travellers, I wouldn’t intervene.

I have come across a group in the same area in my professional capacity and they can seemingly do what they want, involving serious criminality and fraud with everyone apparently fawning over and facilitating them.

OoooohMatron · 09/02/2023 12:38

Everyone who is saying they would intervene clearly has no experience of travellers.

pissssedofff · 09/02/2023 12:40

Tootsey11 · 08/02/2023 13:29

Exactly what is wrong with people's attitudes in the UK today. How could anyone decent just stand back and do nothing.

Its not peoples attitudes, its that an adult physically "intervening" with a child, could well involve that adult ending up in court charged with assault... for me, that would mean i lose my job as i'd lose my SC clearance - then when the family of the child find out where you live, they come after you and the Police will do SFA.

This of course also applies getting involved with say a woman being attacked, unless you know what your doing and can physically stop the attacker & then get the hell out of there before the Police arrest you, better off walking on by, phoning 999, maybe filming the attack for evidence.

MangoBiscuit · 09/02/2023 12:42

OoooohMatron, not true. There were plenty of travellers where I grew up, some nicer than others. And I've been attacked by a group of them before. It still doesn't stop my reaction, I would see red and step in to it.

IhearyouClemFandango · 09/02/2023 12:45

SpinningFloppa · 09/02/2023 12:29

It’s not really about being a coward I don’t get involved directly in things that aren’t my business?? Not defending it but do we even know what it was over? Could be retaliation 🤷‍♀️ it obviously wasn’t a random attack and there would be a back story, not saying it was justified but obviously was an ongoing issue, maybe retaliation, revenge who knows?

Show quote history

This is a bloody awful excuse to be honest.

OoooohMatron · 09/02/2023 12:46

MangoBiscuit · 09/02/2023 12:42

OoooohMatron, not true. There were plenty of travellers where I grew up, some nicer than others. And I've been attacked by a group of them before. It still doesn't stop my reaction, I would see red and step in to it.

Well then you're braver/more stupid than most.

MangoBiscuit · 09/02/2023 12:49

OoooohMatron · 09/02/2023 12:46

Well then you're braver/more stupid than most.

Show quote history

Both, neither. Like I said in my previous post, it isn't a conscious decision, just instinct.

SpinningFloppa · 09/02/2023 12:49

IhearyouClemFandango · 09/02/2023 12:45

This is a bloody awful excuse to be honest.

Show quote history

Don’t need an excuse I wouldn’t get involved for ANY reason other than call the police but I would like to know what started it

LakieLady · 09/02/2023 12:51

I've intervened in violent situations in the past, and would do so again. And I'm very familiar with gipsy and traveller families, I worked with them exclusively for two years.

OoooohMatron · 09/02/2023 12:53

MangoBiscuit · 09/02/2023 12:49

Both, neither. Like I said in my previous post, it isn't a conscious decision, just instinct.

Show quote history

I'd like to think I'd step in and maybe try and diffuse the situation but God knows, hopefully I'll never have to. Thing is I'm not 'hard', those kids could probably beat me up so I'd be relying on my powers of persuasion which are probably dubious!

SnoozyLucy7 · 09/02/2023 12:53

Tootsey11 · 08/02/2023 13:29

Exactly what is wrong with people's attitudes in the UK today. How could anyone decent just stand back and do nothing.

Too busy filming it on their phones so they can put on social media, for i internet points. It’s so very messed up

DailyMailHater · 09/02/2023 12:53

My mum was a teacher and stepped in to break up a fight between a group of teenage girls in the secondary school playground years ago,

she now has pins in her wrist (where they shoved her to the ground and stamped on it) ascar on her arm where they slashed her with a homemade weapon they had brought with them.

She lost her career as the anxiety and panic attacks made it impossible for her to go to teach again and myself and my siblings lost our happy and outgoing mum - she was never the same again.

it could have been much worse as she was also kicked in the head.

this is what would stop me stepping into a situation like this, especially as knives are a much more common factor now.

i would however call the police, if I was able to.

jbolo · 09/02/2023 12:53

I would have intervened, no question and have done. I have had better luck intervening in male disputes. There is no way I could of walked on by, not a chance.

SnoozyLucy7 · 09/02/2023 12:59

MangoBiscuit · 09/02/2023 12:22

I will preface this by saying I'm ND, so I'm aware that my brain doesn't always function is a "normal" way, but I can't understand seeing awful things like that happening, and not trying to help. I was driving past on the other side of the road when I realised that 3 guys had jumped a teen on a bicycle, and were attacking him. I pulled over, and ran across. Two men, much bigger than me had also pulled over, and were watching, and doing nothing. My adrenaline kicked in, and I grabbed the nearest attacker. It wasn't a concious decision, I just can't stand by, it's like instinct takes over. I can't relate to an instinct that isn't to help. Not judging, I just relate to it at all.

Don’t think your ND has anything to do with it. You are just very brave and decent person, for sure. I do understand the reasons for not interfering, say getting a knife pulled out in you, but it does take a really brave person, like you, to step in.

WinterAconite · 09/02/2023 13:01

That's good news that people on this thread would be prepared to fight off a family of travellers. (Assuming they mean in real life rather than from the safety of their keyboard)

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 09/02/2023 13:03

RiktheButler · 09/02/2023 12:26

How much time have you spent in Stanwell? How well do you know the area?

Show quote history

Unfortunately I know this area. Many locals won't go into my town on a Sunday due to the large traveller groups that descend. Shops have to arrange additional security and the police often have dispersal orders in place. On at least one occasion there was bare knuckle fighting in the car parks. People like that are why many won't get involved.