Page 2 | Sick of my grandmother and all her money

TetherEndOfMy · 2023-02-08T08:42:41+00:00

Went to see my grandmother last night. She's in her mid 80s and constantly talks about how much money she has. I am a lone parent struggling to pay my bills and childcare. Every time I see her she asks 'how are you coping with paying bills?' and talks about how awful the cost of living crisis is for people like me. I never raise the topic of money. Last night she then continued on to talk about the two houses she needs to sell which will hopefully see £600k into her savings, and was talking about 200k she had 'lying around' and needed to put into some kind of investment. She then went on to ask me about which charities I 'recommend' she donates to when she dies as she wants to give most of her money away. Today I have phoned to tell her I'm busy and can't drop her shopping round as I feel like she is taunting me. I DO NOT expect her to give me money, I just hate the way she is so tone deaf. She's completely switched on at 84 years old and seems to think I'm some poor hopeless person. Anyway. I just needed to get that off my chest as I am facing having a pre payment meter fitted and am struggling not to cry into my Cereal.

Trixielo · 08/02/2023 09:06

ABigSpot · 08/02/2023 08:49

We'll just be honest. Say to her that if she keeps talking about money you aren't going to be around as much. That while you are pleased for her you are genuinely struggling and that you need hers to be a pleasant place to be not somewhere where you are always reminded of what you don't have. If you must, reassert you aren't asking for money, just some compassion in what she discusses.

Then if she can't do it you've given her fair warning, no need to feel guilty, and back you step.

Agree. Talk to her before dropping her.

Fairyliz · 08/02/2023 09:06

underneaththeash · 08/02/2023 08:44

Tell her - gran I'm really struggling, could one of the charities you give your money to, be me please.

This!
If you are close enough to visit on a regular basis surely you can tell her?
Any decent grandma wouldn’t let her grandchild struggle. If she’s happy to see you struggle then you can remember that when she becomes frailer and needs help.

FictionalCharacter · 08/02/2023 09:06

Flowersintheattic57 · 08/02/2023 08:52

How about if you asked her for a loan? Tell her would she consider giving you a loan and you will pay her back at 5% interest. Ask for a decent amount like £10k (or more) paid back over five years. Unlikely she’s getting 5% from her ‘investments’ so she may well be tempted especially if its for something that would lead to you earning better.

Good lord no! She’d constantly be blathering on about how generous she was to the OP with the loan, how much OP owes her, and how it’s only right that OP should run endless errands for her because she kindly lent her all that money….. She might decide to raise the interest or demand the full amount back on a whim.
Never be in debt to someone who is unkind to you.

Thisbastardcomputer · 08/02/2023 09:06

Bizarre, cruel and weird. A decent grandmother would help out. Did she have some sort of super job, to acquire the wealth?

Original poster

TetherEndOfMy · 08/02/2023 09:07

IncompleteSenten · 08/02/2023 08:58

Just out of interest - how did she earn all her money? What was her profession?

Yes she did work very hard. But so do I. I just don't make lots of money.

OP posts:

Disappointingbiscuit · 08/02/2023 09:08

Have you asked her to stop? "Can we please not talk about money nan, it's a really stressful subject for me right now and I'd rather not think about it"

Peccary · 08/02/2023 09:08

HappyValerie · 08/02/2023 09:03

Ask gran for advice on how she ‘earned’ all her money. When you find the majority came from inherited money do remind her she’s a hypocrite.

This, or property now worth 10x what she paid for it

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 08/02/2023 09:08

I would tell her you're not very well so won't be able to go over for a while, then just not visit again. She sounds very braggy and vindictive, purposely winding you up and making you feel shit about yourself.

Onwayoutsoon · 08/02/2023 09:13

ABigSpot · 08/02/2023 08:49

We'll just be honest. Say to her that if she keeps talking about money you aren't going to be around as much. That while you are pleased for her you are genuinely struggling and that you need hers to be a pleasant place to be not somewhere where you are always reminded of what you don't have. If you must, reassert you aren't asking for money, just some compassion in what she discusses.

Then if she can't do it you've given her fair warning, no need to feel guilty, and back you step.

This 100%

ButterCrackers · 08/02/2023 09:13

She can pay for a carer for the care you give her. Tell her that you have to do extra for bills and to pay for food so you don’t have the time available to visit. Contact local care agencies and get them in contact with your grandmother.

HoboSexualOnslow · 08/02/2023 09:15

This is awful. If I was that wealthy I don't think I could live with myself if a family member that I see often and helps me out was struggling. I'd just give you money. I do think you need to step back, she can clearly afford a carer or PA to do her shopping. Hope you're OK OP.

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 08/02/2023 09:16

Op, honestly, be completely open and honest with her about how difficult this is to hear because you're struggling so badly in spite of doing everything right in your life, working hard and not just asking for handouts. Sometimes people need time to mull things over. If you leave her in no doubt about your situation, she might, in time, decide to help you significantly. Getting used to an idea is quite helpful rather than never saying anything. She probably has no idea how bad things are for you.

CaraVann · 08/02/2023 09:16

Sounds very much like my 81 year old dad. He has hundreds of thousands invested (I know exactly how much as he wanted me to go with him when he invested it).
He knows that I struggle financially and also with my physical and mental health. I help him out a lot as my mum has Alzheimer’s. My poor mum always says she will give me money to get help with my issues (most of their money is actually hers) but he snaps back that I’ve had loads of help via the NHS and no one can help me and it’s a all a ‘waste’ of money. My sister struggles too but he will never offer to help her either. Neither of us ever ask for money, if he won’t freely offer any from his own good will then I don’t want it tbh, I’ll struggle on my own.
The older he gets the more mean spirited he has become with his money. He is forever asking me to find out if he can save money here and there or if he qualifies for ‘help’ for various financial bits and bobs. It’s changed how I feel about him, he wasn’t like this before they inherited. He is now so tight fisted and it’s draining tbh.
Similar age to your dgm so maybe it’s an age thing, like they worry it will all go before they do?

IHaveNoSoul · 08/02/2023 09:16

The next time you do her shopping tell her it will be the last time and that seeing that she has so much money she can pay a Care Company to do it as you need to pick up extra hours for your ever increasing bills etc
Offer to set it up for her so that you're not completely washing your hands of the situation then deal with anything via phone/email so that you're in control

MajorCarolDanvers · 08/02/2023 09:16

ABigSpot · 08/02/2023 08:49

We'll just be honest. Say to her that if she keeps talking about money you aren't going to be around as much. That while you are pleased for her you are genuinely struggling and that you need hers to be a pleasant place to be not somewhere where you are always reminded of what you don't have. If you must, reassert you aren't asking for money, just some compassion in what she discusses.

Then if she can't do it you've given her fair warning, no need to feel guilty, and back you step.

This is an excellent suggestion

Yants · 08/02/2023 09:18

I've got a 72 year old Aunt just the same, constantly making references as to how she's got more money than she knows what to do with (in the region of £700k savings and ongoing pension income of around £40k a year and 3 properties)

She does live a very frugal lifestyle despite her vast wealth and has increasingly poor mobility with numerous age related issues.

Whenever I do any shopping for her she'll make me out a cheque for the exact amount it costs down to the penny... nothing for the 30 mile round trip or my time going to the supermarket.

Does occasionally ask me if I ever need to borrow any money I've only got to ask... gee thanks.

The only other younger relative she has is a much younger brother who has always been a workshy waster, sponger and irresponsible spendthrift, he lives 150 miles away and only bothers to visit her when he wants more money, yet she dotes on him like a son and must have already given him tens of thousands over the years and I'm certain he'll inherit her entire estate when the time comes.

Dogcafedreamer · 08/02/2023 09:21

What an unkind woman, she is not even going to give you money when she is gone, she would rather donate to charity?

Well charity begins at home, do not help her any more, tell he that you've not got time as time is money.

Sleepimpossible · 08/02/2023 09:21

Nothing but sympathy from me here. Don’t cry, it’s not worth it. We have a relative like this and I find her attitude incomprehensible. Why would you not help a struggling family member when you could so easily do so??
I would provide minimum support to her, but don’t do any extra.

UdoU · 08/02/2023 09:22

YANBU. There are companies who will do her shopping and drop it to her.

Let her employ someone.

maddening · 08/02/2023 09:23

I would say " you know I am struggling, I understand your view on not helping family and accept that, however your constantly boasting about money when you know how hard my life is is really unpleasant and if you carry on I can't be around you as it is very upsetting for me.

OhClunge · 08/02/2023 09:23

ABigSpot · 08/02/2023 08:49

We'll just be honest. Say to her that if she keeps talking about money you aren't going to be around as much. That while you are pleased for her you are genuinely struggling and that you need hers to be a pleasant place to be not somewhere where you are always reminded of what you don't have. If you must, reassert you aren't asking for money, just some compassion in what she discusses.

Then if she can't do it you've given her fair warning, no need to feel guilty, and back you step.

Excellent advice from @ABigSpot
I'm sorry you're struggling, I'd be hurt and upset too. It's insensitive

ButterCrackers · 08/02/2023 09:24

Yants · 08/02/2023 09:18

I've got a 72 year old Aunt just the same, constantly making references as to how she's got more money than she knows what to do with (in the region of £700k savings and ongoing pension income of around £40k a year and 3 properties)

She does live a very frugal lifestyle despite her vast wealth and has increasingly poor mobility with numerous age related issues.

Whenever I do any shopping for her she'll make me out a cheque for the exact amount it costs down to the penny... nothing for the 30 mile round trip or my time going to the supermarket.

Does occasionally ask me if I ever need to borrow any money I've only got to ask... gee thanks.

The only other younger relative she has is a much younger brother who has always been a workshy waster, sponger and irresponsible spendthrift, he lives 150 miles away and only bothers to visit her when he wants more money, yet she dotes on him like a son and must have already given him tens of thousands over the years and I'm certain he'll inherit her entire estate when the time comes.

Could you take a taxi from her house to the supermarket, have it wait and then bring you back again. She will be paying the taxi costs to the driver directly. Have your car parked right outside her place. Tell her that you can’t afford the fuel for the supermarket trip and seeing that she never pays for the fuel cost because you understand it must be tricky for her to get the exact cost, it’s best that she pays for a taxi.

unclebuck · 08/02/2023 09:25

"I know you have plenty of money and enjoy spending it but I have none and am really struggling so I am focusing on my work at the moment. I have set up a home help business assisting the elderly so won't have time to do chores for you any more. If you want to book yourself in let me know, it's £20 ph"

Cuppasoupmonster · 08/02/2023 09:26

Stop doing her bloody shopping! She can easily afford assistance with all that. You’re a busy single mum, she can fuck off!

And if she brings it up again just say you’re really struggling and if she HAS to find a home for this 200k, then you’d give it one quite happily.

Sssshh · 08/02/2023 09:26

I'm not one for thinking people should have handouts, but in this situation I definitely think "Granny TetherEndOfMy" should slot you a quick £20k 🤣

It's really horrible of her to keep saying what she's saying. I'd be honest and say you don't want to discuss money because you have financial issues and it's becoming an issue listening about all of her money on a daily basis.