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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sick of my grandmother and all her money

409 replies

TetherEndOfMy · 08/02/2023 08:42

Went to see my grandmother last night. She's in her mid 80s and constantly talks about how much money she has. I am a lone parent struggling to pay my bills and childcare. Every time I see her she asks 'how are you coping with paying bills?' and talks about how awful the cost of living crisis is for people like me. I never raise the topic of money. Last night she then continued on to talk about the two houses she needs to sell which will hopefully see £600k into her savings, and was talking about 200k she had 'lying around' and needed to put into some kind of investment. She then went on to ask me about which charities I 'recommend' she donates to when she dies as she wants to give most of her money away. Today I have phoned to tell her I'm busy and can't drop her shopping round as I feel like she is taunting me. I DO NOT expect her to give me money, I just hate the way she is so tone deaf. She's completely switched on at 84 years old and seems to think I'm some poor hopeless person. Anyway. I just needed to get that off my chest as I am facing having a pre payment meter fitted and am struggling not to cry into my Cereal.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/02/2023 13:31

bellylaughsalldaylong · 09/02/2023 22:36

I don’t understand people who have loads of money and leave it all the charity and ignore their flesh and blood in the will.

flame me all you like. Your gran sounds like a right cunt.

Yes - charity begins at home.

Of course it is good to give to charity, and I’m sure that charities need the support, but it has to be balanced, and giving to charity shouldn’t mean leaving your nearest and dearest in need. And it is possible to be generous to charity and generous to family.

Blossomtoes · 10/02/2023 13:40

Of course she’d have to pay for her care. Rightly so. It’s not the state that takes it, it’s the care home owner. The state (ie you and me) just won’t pay for it. Nor should we.

KatherineJaneway · 10/02/2023 13:55

Your gran sounds like a right cunt.

I suspect there's a bit more to the story

CohenTree · 10/02/2023 14:11

DragonsFurry · 09/02/2023 22:57

OP she’s asked you how you’re coping with paying bills, that sounds like she’s thinking about your financial situation and will most likely want to leave you something. She has plenty so can give to a charity too.

Agree with this. She can't read your mind OP or magically know your circumstances.

SueG60 · 10/02/2023 14:30

It does sound like she's worth over a million. At that age, I'd have already been thinking about tax planning. 40% inheritance tax on all that and if you're over a certain amount you'd have to pay for care too.

Logically the right thing to do would have been to divvy it up amongst the family already to avoid these things.

88milesanhour · 10/02/2023 14:41

Yes - charity begins at home.

Of course it is good to give to charity, and I’m sure that charities need the support, but it has to be balanced, and giving to charity shouldn’t mean leaving your nearest and dearest in need. And it is possible to be generous to charity and generous to family

Sorry going to go off at a tangent but.... the origin of the phrase 'charity begins at home' doesn't mean what people think it does so it's eye-rollingly ironic that people constantly use it as a ticket to be small-minded. The intial proverb wasn't meaning that you should prioritise your own/loved one's over the wider community. Its meaning was that you learn compassion and 'charity' through the people closest to you which should then spread to the wider community. Charity begins at home but it doesn't end there.... I don't think it has any real baring as to what the grandmother should or shouldn't give to her grandchildren either. Not saying she's behaving appropriately at all but her money is ultimately her choice.

AmberMcAmber · 10/02/2023 15:49

Then charge her for your time!

VickyBarr · 10/02/2023 17:16

CohenTree · 10/02/2023 14:11

Agree with this. She can't read your mind OP or magically know your circumstances.

Show quote history

Yip, spit it out. Tell her you're a bit short. Even if you say it in a jocular way. She might actually want to help, but is waiting for you to say you need it.

all the bragging about her money might be her way of telling you she's loaded. If you want help she's saying she has plenty.

Sandra1984 · 10/02/2023 20:42

88milesanhour · 10/02/2023 14:41

Yes - charity begins at home.

Of course it is good to give to charity, and I’m sure that charities need the support, but it has to be balanced, and giving to charity shouldn’t mean leaving your nearest and dearest in need. And it is possible to be generous to charity and generous to family

Sorry going to go off at a tangent but.... the origin of the phrase 'charity begins at home' doesn't mean what people think it does so it's eye-rollingly ironic that people constantly use it as a ticket to be small-minded. The intial proverb wasn't meaning that you should prioritise your own/loved one's over the wider community. Its meaning was that you learn compassion and 'charity' through the people closest to you which should then spread to the wider community. Charity begins at home but it doesn't end there.... I don't think it has any real baring as to what the grandmother should or shouldn't give to her grandchildren either. Not saying she's behaving appropriately at all but her money is ultimately her choice.

Charity begins with your loved ones, biological family, acquired family or best friends. They love you so you love them back by taking care of them. If they don’t then you have the right to not love them back and leave your money to your chosen charity. What doesn’t work is expecting people to take care of you (for free) in your old age when you haven’t done anything for them.

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