Mil treating baby like a doll

[tiaandduck]

I know I'm probably bu. Mil has been annoying me recently and I don't know if I'm just feeling over protective or possessive of dd or what the problem actually is but she's grating on me.

She has this obsession about taking my baby out in the pram alone. She is always asking to come round to push the pram. She doesn't want me there.
Dd is sometimes a bit fussy in the pram and prefers the carrier and it's always been raining when she comes round, so I put her off as dd doesn't like the rain cover either. She's a bit fussy just now in general.
Sure enough though, mil has been asking to make plans so she can come and take dd out in the pram so I can have a break. Even though I've never asked for or needed a break.
The second thing is she keeps buying her these impractical dresses that are a bit full on party style...we don't go to parties and she grows out of them too quick to wear them. Her wardrobe is bursting at the seams with dresses she has never worn...as well as a furry white coat.
She keeps saying she's buying her designer stuff, has bought her converse which she just kicks off her feet. She keeps buying designer things in her taste and I prefer rompers, baby grows or a little top and leggings set.
She keeps saying she wants some gran time alone with the baby, but I just don't like being away from her just now. Maybe that's my issue. She is a fussy baby which is maybe why I don't want people to have her, incase they mess up my routine with her.
She has a boyfriend she's been seeing a few months now and he also keeps buying dd outfits.
I dunno if im just being overly sensitive or if she's been overbearing.

And I don’t believe a word of anything you say 🤷🏼‍♀️

Childish, to boot 😂.

Well it’s silly isn’t it? She doesn’t ‘believe’ I have a MIL who isn’t up to looking after my kid, because it doesn’t suit her narrative on here about every MIL being a sidelined but well meaning and capable granny.

An example of why all MIL's are inherently both stupid and evil.
Even if that long list of of insane behaviour was all true it doesn't apply to anyone else.

I don’t have a “narrative” @Cuppasoupmonster. There are shit MiLs and shit DiLs.

No, what's silly is your narrative being that nobody's MIL can be trusted because yours is a nutter.

When did I say that?

She is a toddler though is she not? Head bangs, falls, splinters all could have happened in your care.

Are you well @Blossomtoes ? So you also think I'm a demanding daughter/DIL who also thinks her child's grandparents are old bats because... I told you that they come over all the time, are very much loved by me and my son, but they've never asked for time alone with my son and I've very rarely needed it? God, aren't I awful?

I'm sure my poor MIL is just gutted that she gets given tea and biscuits several times a week while she plays and bonds with my son and (shock horror!) chats with me, her DIL, at the same time. And then gets to go home without having changed any nappies, cleaned up any sick, or done any of the grunt work at all. She must be devastated.

You and @Johnnysgirl are clearly projecting here. Maybe your DILs would like you more if you weren't so bitter 🤷‍♀️

What a very peculiar post.
I don't have any DIL's to hate me just yet, btw, my kids are teenagers.

Oh absolutely, and every few weeks I have to sign an incident form at nursery. These things happen. But it’s the frequency of them - she clearly isn’t being watched properly. She also ‘blames’ DD, saying things like ‘she shouldn’t have been putting her hand round the door’ rather than just a straightforward ‘sorry I took my eye off the ball and X or Y happened’.

Anyway I still want MIL to have a relationship with DD, I don’t feel any of it is heinous and deserves NC, just that she clearly isn’t capable of looking after very small children. I’ve invited her round here multiple times so she can spend some time with DD while I do some housework, but she’s refused as she ‘prefers it to be at her house’. So 🤷🏼‍♀️ that’s that until DD is a bit older.

@Johnnysgirl not as peculiar as you reading bizarre things into peoples' posts about perfectly happy families who get on well, and deliberately taking them out of context!

Have you ever looked after any young children other than your own on your own? I do get the vibe that any number of minor incidents that happen at your MIL’s would be too much for you. Most people can pick up on frustration. I can see how she would feel uncomfortable coming round to your house with you hovering over her internally criticising her every move. I mean she did successfully read your husband and any other children, she can’t be that neglectful 🤷‍♀️

Well you would because your natural position on this thread is to defend MILS and my child isn’t your child.

It really isn’t. I know personally some Mothers, whether in laws or not, can be absolute terrors and bullies and want to totally take over. I just think it’s really unfair to keep bashing MILs for perfectly ordinary things and portray them as sneaky and in some cases pure evil. They only want to spend time with their grandchildren, which is totally natural. There must be a lot of disjointed families going by these threads because a lot of people have lost sight of what is normal human interaction within a family.

It’s not just MILs! Although I wonder if it’s more likely to be as they feel the need to assert themselves because they worry the maternal granny will be the favourite. Check this out, currently running:
www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4738260-im-stopping-them-being-grandparents-apparently-but-i-dont-know-what-else-i-can-do

In the OP’s case her MIL wants to put a baby who hates the pram in a pram, and dress her in uncomfortable clothes. For why?

She comes across as seeing the baby as an accessory.

I just think it’s really unfair to keep bashing MILs for perfectly ordinary things and portray them as sneaky and in some cases pure evil.

She puts her in a pram, often with a rain cover over it when the baby doesn't like that. Who the fk would like that ( unless you were asleep). She dresses her in uncomfortable impractical clothes..

They only want to spend time with their grandchildren, which is totally natural.

There's a huge difference between spending time with your grandchildren alongside their mum's and dads etc .... And insisting on/pushing for taking them alone on a regular basis.

She puts her in a pram, often with a rain cover over it when the baby doesn't like that. Who the fk would like that
You'd think it was a medieval torture device... It's a pram. Designed to transport non walking babies.

Such absolute nonsense 😵‍💫

What the grandmother doesn’t have is a “right” to have “alone time” with the grandchild. Outside MN I had never heard of GPs and other relatives demanding “alone time” even when the mother doesn’t want that.
It’s for the parent to decide who gets to spend time with their baby. A mother isn’t obliged to “share” her baby, especially with someone who doesn’t want her there when they spend time with their grandchild.
Why on earth shouldn’t you be “possessive” about your own baby?!

My Mum went bat shit (tbh she's a wee bit bonkers anyway at times) ... But absolutely Bat shit over her first grand child re. His other grandmother.

Very very possessive and petty. The other grand mother happened to be doing a drop.off on school photo day and had the opportunity to be in a photo with him; I haven't heard the word bitch uttered so many times from my mother's mouth in such a short time. I think old bag got a few mentions too.

Some grandmother's go mental.. . My sil"s mil is similar. Ordering other relatives not to come around and visit while we were visiting. The relative, an aunt, was actually civil & pleasant and interested in our lives (as well as visiting her nephew) which was way more than the mil was. She was completely uninterested, unable (or unwilling) to make small talk and domineering.

I think it just brings out what sort of person they are.

The not well rounded/not well adjusted ones really show up.

All the circumstances in this scenario are at the ultimate end of extreme in every sense. I don’t think it’s a useful guide to most people’s normal behaviour in normal circumstances.

I know what my child's reaction to being in one, esp with a rain cover, was when she was awake.

That's enough for me.

Doesn't have to be a "torture device" (which incidentally lying in a confined space with a plastic sheet near you could be deemed) to be unpleasant and claustrophobic and unnatural.

The natural place for babies to be is in a sling/carrier .... And I've lived in developing countries and seen it. Not lying flat in a plastic covered carry cot.

Such absolute nonsense 😵‍💫

Ditto, my dear.