Mil treating baby like a doll

[tiaandduck]

I know I'm probably bu. Mil has been annoying me recently and I don't know if I'm just feeling over protective or possessive of dd or what the problem actually is but she's grating on me.

She has this obsession about taking my baby out in the pram alone. She is always asking to come round to push the pram. She doesn't want me there.
Dd is sometimes a bit fussy in the pram and prefers the carrier and it's always been raining when she comes round, so I put her off as dd doesn't like the rain cover either. She's a bit fussy just now in general.
Sure enough though, mil has been asking to make plans so she can come and take dd out in the pram so I can have a break. Even though I've never asked for or needed a break.
The second thing is she keeps buying her these impractical dresses that are a bit full on party style...we don't go to parties and she grows out of them too quick to wear them. Her wardrobe is bursting at the seams with dresses she has never worn...as well as a furry white coat.
She keeps saying she's buying her designer stuff, has bought her converse which she just kicks off her feet. She keeps buying designer things in her taste and I prefer rompers, baby grows or a little top and leggings set.
She keeps saying she wants some gran time alone with the baby, but I just don't like being away from her just now. Maybe that's my issue. She is a fussy baby which is maybe why I don't want people to have her, incase they mess up my routine with her.
She has a boyfriend she's been seeing a few months now and he also keeps buying dd outfits.
I dunno if im just being overly sensitive or if she's been overbearing.

At 5 months DS was rolling and by 6 months he was crawling 🤷🏻‍♀️

Did you never take your baby out in the pram just for a walk? Fresh air and being outside really is so good for babies. It’s been shown to help sleep. I don’t understand why there is such antipathy towards it on here.
Of course sometimes the baby wants their parents. Don’t think anyone has said any different.

When posters get into a discussion/debate they post in response to others.

Are you new to MN?!

And I stayed on topic so you're talking shite again (in fact you haven't stopped).

Rolling yes at five months but that’s quite limited mobility isn’t it. Would they not have sat in a pram for a walk for half an hour at five months?

Didn't you ever take him out anywhere? He hardly crawled along the street.

A beautifully made up pram or buggy is very comfortable. I still have memories of climbing up into the big silver cross pram with my baby sister and costing in to sleep.

There’s a big difference between ‘just bunging the baby in the pram/buggy’ and making it a cosy and comfortable place for them to be in.

Cosying. Not costing.

If they are sleepy, napping or sleeping, absolutely.

If not, in my experience, it doesn't matter how beautifully made up it is when you have an active baby.

Op has outlined what her baby is like. Not sure why so many posters are, like her mil, completely disregarding that.

Forgot to say on the subject of the majority of "older mothers" being good at settling babies .... In my experience many older mothers seemed to be convinced they were the baby whisperer; and that were most definitely not.

In op's particular case, this lady is not listening to or reading the room at all re the babies preferences and character, and her Mum's preferences. She seems selfish and oblivious and pushy. I feel for you op; it's boundary time unfortunately. Necessary when you've got a boundary trampler.

Did you never take your baby out in the pram just for a walk?

Yes. Lol.

DS will only nap in the pram (was the carrier), so I've averaged over 10,000 steps a day since he was born. This would've been much higher when he was younger and on more naps.

But he will only go in the pram when he's sleepy and is usually asleep in the first 10 mins; if he's awake then he wants to be free to move around - he's not interesting in being pushed around for the fun of it (because it isn't fun for him) and this will quickly turn into a meltdown. OP describes her baby as fussy in the pram, so I imagine hers could be similar.

So essentially being pushed around in a pram is not a bonding exercise, whereas playing and interacting with him - which thankfully my DM and MIL do in bucket loads - is (which is the point I was making).

But my mum doesn't mind me being there!

We frequently go to mum and baby groups, and on playdates with other mums. I time everything around his naps so he can sleep on the way there and back.

Thanks for checking though 😘

THANK YOU.

You could buy the fluffiest pram insert in the world and my baby would still only want to go in it when he's sleepy!!

Some babies just do not like being contained.

Mine certainly didn't, it went all the way through pushchairs/buggies too.

The only solution is very very short spells and use of carriers and trikes until they're toddling.

A woman in the same antenatal group's child detested pushchairs etc too and would py settle in a bike seat. She cycled pretty much everywhere she could. Luckily she's a sporty, outdoorsy Scandinavian

I didn’t actually say good at I say know how to. Necessarily by dint of having had more experience settling babies they will have in general settled more babies than someone who has just had their first. That doesn’t give anyone the right to demand they take over but it’s also plainly foolish to diminish or dismiss an older woman’s experience.

*would only settle in a bike seat

it’s also plainly foolish to diminish or dismiss an older woman’s experience.

It's not when they are treating a baby like a doll.

Being older does not automatically grant wisdom or skills or knowledge or sensitivity or appropriate-ness. That would depend entire in the character of the woman.

The amount of clothes is prob ott.
But i cant see why u can't put the lovely dresses on her and send her on her way. Let her deal with the fussiness. Enjoy some you time. Its really a non issue

Actually, we don't have heaps more experience. And in many cases, that experience may be dangerous given the latest information from the experts.

I'm 54. When I was born, it was common and accepted to let babies sleep on their stomachs. And this is no longer advised due to the link with SIDS, as a result of better information coming along.

This is an example, but basically each child and each mother is going to be different, there's no one size fits all.

If I ever get grandchildren (my adult DC are not interested in the idea yet or even at all), then I certainly won't be trying to insist on alone time with them, or insisting my advice should be followed like it's law. To me, babies are nice enough, but the best bit is that I can hand them back...

I didn’t say being older granted anyone any kind of wisdom. I specifically clarified I was referring to their wider experience of dealing with babies due to the physical reality of them having been on the earth several generations longer than the baby’s mother. F.e. my mother reared seven children, breastfed all. Her way of doing things is absolutely not mine across all circumstances however I take her guidance on things because guess what she has done it pretty successfully multiple times before me. None of us knows everything when we start out on any endeavour. The dismissal of older women on this site really is unreal. And btw yes my mother has wanted to dress every one of her grandchildren like a doll, because she loves them and thinks they should look beautiful at all times. Not because she is an old crone looking for an accessory. If the child or mother doesn’t like the clothes she buys them what they like. The mother here hasn’t said anything so in fairness how is the MIL supposed to know

The dismissal of older women on this site really is unreal.

It certainly is. MN must be one of the most ageist corners of the internet.

How old are you? Because this is exactly what I saw people doing during my own childhood.

I'm late 60s; my son is 37. Can’t say I saw my friends’ baby girls at that time in fancy dresses except maybe for special occasions. However I live in a cold place where dresses are less suitable. Then again the north of Scotland is still warmer in the summer than most of the U.K. in February.

By 5 months mine had all moved on to sitting in the pushchair, which is probably much nicer as they can look about. I didn't drive though so they were used to being out and about in it

The thing that amuses me, is that when I took first GC to baby group, I was only a couple of years older than some of the mums.
I can only conclude its our child becoming a parent that turns us into a selfish, incompetent old fools, rather than our date of birth.

I didn’t actually say good at I say know how to.

🙄