Mil treating baby like a doll

[tiaandduck]

I know I'm probably bu. Mil has been annoying me recently and I don't know if I'm just feeling over protective or possessive of dd or what the problem actually is but she's grating on me.

She has this obsession about taking my baby out in the pram alone. She is always asking to come round to push the pram. She doesn't want me there.
Dd is sometimes a bit fussy in the pram and prefers the carrier and it's always been raining when she comes round, so I put her off as dd doesn't like the rain cover either. She's a bit fussy just now in general.
Sure enough though, mil has been asking to make plans so she can come and take dd out in the pram so I can have a break. Even though I've never asked for or needed a break.
The second thing is she keeps buying her these impractical dresses that are a bit full on party style...we don't go to parties and she grows out of them too quick to wear them. Her wardrobe is bursting at the seams with dresses she has never worn...as well as a furry white coat.
She keeps saying she's buying her designer stuff, has bought her converse which she just kicks off her feet. She keeps buying designer things in her taste and I prefer rompers, baby grows or a little top and leggings set.
She keeps saying she wants some gran time alone with the baby, but I just don't like being away from her just now. Maybe that's my issue. She is a fussy baby which is maybe why I don't want people to have her, incase they mess up my routine with her.
She has a boyfriend she's been seeing a few months now and he also keeps buying dd outfits.
I dunno if im just being overly sensitive or if she's been overbearing.

All you’ve done the entire thread is derail it with your own stories of your MIL which has zero relevance to the thread.

believe it or not not all MILs are like yours.

Because posters like you keep @-ing me and dragging my post up again 😂 deary me take the day off

She has a boyfriend she's been seeing a few months now and he also keeps buying dd outfits.

This is really quite strange. As for the clothes MIL buys, why not be blunt. Tell her she is wasting her money because 1-DD is growing so fast and 2 -they just end up covered in shite, on account of her being a baby.

You're spot on, DD is not a dolly, she is a human being whose needs must come first. She isn't there to fulfil MIL's wants.

I also have another child from a previous relationship, she's never been overly arsed about yet my baby is all she's ever dreamed of.

Well that’s perfectly natural. Blood’s thicker than water, how much are you arsed about other people’s children?

Your baby sounds very similar to mine. Naps in the pram or car, but if he isn't sleepy will get very upset, very quickly if put into either of those things. We also have to plan our days around napping to and from places, and sometimes when family members join us DS finds it too distracting to sleep (which we pay for later).

It sounds to me like there are two issues (the outfits are a distraction, ignore them). 1) MIL is trying to encroach on the only time you get together as a family every week, despite having shown very little interest previously and 2) she's pressuring you to let her take baby out in the pram, when you've already told her that she doesn't like the pram.

Is she texting you or DH? I have a good relationship with my MIL, but would still expect DP to arrange visits with her (I wouldn't expect him to arrange visits with my DM). If I were you I would simply check that DH and I were on the same page, and leave it with him to communicate with her.

Although I understand your frustration, I expect she is just excited about her grandchild and unless there's a backstory, it is important that your children have a good relationship with their maternal and paternal grandparents. At some point you may want a break. It's absolutely OK for you to wait until you are ready for this, but it's best not to burn any bridges. Smaller steps can help - as @Cuppasoupmonster suggested, perhaps DH can let MIL that pram is a no go, but she's welcome to come over next Saturday afternoon (because you already have plans this Saturday) and play with DD whilst you nip out for a coffee. Is this an option?

It's OK for her not to be arsed about her son's stepchild? Of course they're not going to have the same relationship as a biological grandchild, but what a horrible take.

At this stage you're blatantly just picking faults with everything OP is saying simply because she has the audacity to complain about a MIL.

Do you have anything at all constructive to say?

Safe sleep guidelines are different now (no cot bumpers, nests etc).

ERF seats being the safest way for children to travel up to 7 years old.

Research into child development showing how damaging things like the naughty step are and the increased importance of emotional coregulation as well as language usage.

The outdated concept of stranger danger.

NSPCC pants rules.

The importance of BLW.

The list is endless.

You might consider it a horrible take @Calphurnia88 but I’m afraid that’s reality.

Not in our family.

Both sets of parents have step-grandchildren. Of course the relationship is different, but they still care about them.

I'm glad MN doesn't reflect real life, these threads are crazy and make me pity the mothers of sons. MILs are all evil by the standards on here, make that all in laws!

Asking to take the baby out in the pram alone? Heaven forbid!

My FIL has taken out my daughter alone in the pram since she was really small. He enjoys this as a proud grandfather. MIL is partially blind so isn't able to but family is hugely important to me, my own is very close and that's probably one of the reasons I have such good relationships with my in laws. I want my daughter to be surrounded by love and build a strong bond with her aunties and grandparents like the way I was with mine.

You don’t have to be away from your baby if you don’t want to, and that’s fine. It’s reasonable not to want someone to disrupt your routine if she’s unsettled, especially if the baby will end up upset and you will also end up dealing with more work trying to settle them back down. Can you be really clear about the times and activity so it doesn’t throw you and your child out for the day? I empathise because when we’ve had visitors they’ve overstimulated the baby and those have ended up being our worst nights, one of them was a 4am special.

@DopeGirl makes a really good point .

Isn’t your husband’s relationship with his mother for him to deal with? If he isn’t happy that his mother ignores him but fawns over your baby he can make a decision to go NC or LC. Or if he wants things to work with you and his mother try and negotiate a bit of peace i.e tell his mother that your baby doesn’t like the pram and you don’t want to be apart and make other suggestions. Why does it always seem the men are so absent in this and mountains get made out of molehills?

Why does it always seem the men are so absent in this and mountains get made out of molehills?

Possibly because they are molehills? It must be a real pain to be expected to referee clashes between the two women who matter most to you. How often do you see anyone posting that their husband and father are at loggerheads and they’re stuck in the middle?

You don't have to let anyone take your baby out alone if you don't want to.

At five months, you get to decide what is best for your baby and you.

Your DH needs to deal with the constant texts and 'wants'.

Wow this thread went a bit nuts. I can't believe everyone is brushing over the fact that MIL has a new boyfriend who is the one buying all these outfits and she's going on about 'alone' time. Sorry, but I wouldn't be risking it with my defenceless baby in this situation. New boyfriend could be fine- but what if he isn't? Yes MIL may be blood but he isn't and is he going to be there during this alone time?
Forgetting about the bf, I totally get it about the pram rides, she wants everyone to stop her and coo into the pram and she can go on about my grandchild and the outfits I bought etc etc.
My MIL went OTT buying outfits for my son and tbh most of them went the charity shop. Some he wore once for the photo. But I refuse to put a small baby in uncomfortable or restrictive clothing just for a photo. And I DESPISE fancy looking shoes that are really tight on babies - they need their toes free for wiggling!
I just preferred my son in lovely sleepsuits for as long as possible.
Just ignore her OP it will all pass and she will lose interest. Did with mine.
Also @Cuppasoupmonster I know we haven't seen eye to eye on every thread but I don't understand the vitriol you are getting on here and I completely agree with you. For a change haha!

My mil wanted to be my dc's dgm until her biological dgc came along. Then she walked away.
No logic there.

She's excited. I'd just talk to her, point out baby doesn't love the pram so would you rather take tye carrier instead? As for the dresses issue, tell her nicely that whilst you appreciate her buying them and that they are lovely, baby just doesn't have the occasion to wear them and they are at risk of getting small. I'd also mention as baby is coming up towards 6 months then rompers etc will be more useful as she will be learning to sit up and crawl in the next few months and dresses can get in the way. See what she says. Do you really think she will be so inreasonable not to engage age with you and take on board what you say.

I'd also speak to your partner and get their view, maybe encourage him to speak to his mother about opening her a savings account rather than wasting money on occasion dresses.