Page 10 | Mil treating baby like a doll

tiaandduck · 2023-02-07T20:56:07+00:00

I know I'm probably bu. Mil has been annoying me recently and I don't know if I'm just feeling over protective or possessive of dd or what the problem actually is but she's grating on me. She has this obsession about taking my baby out in the pram alone. She is always asking to come round to push the pram. She doesn't want me there. Dd is sometimes a bit fussy in the pram and prefers the carrier and it's always been raining when she comes round, so I put her off as dd doesn't like the rain cover either. She's a bit fussy just now in general. Sure enough though, mil has been asking to make plans so she can come and take dd out in the pram so I can have a break. Even though I've never asked for or needed a break. The second thing is she keeps buying her these impractical dresses that are a bit full on party style...we don't go to parties and she grows out of them too quick to wear them. Her wardrobe is bursting at the seams with dresses she has never worn...as well as a furry white coat. She keeps saying she's buying her designer stuff, has bought her converse which she just kicks off her feet. She keeps buying designer things in her taste and I prefer rompers, baby grows or a little top and leggings set. She keeps saying she wants some gran time alone with the baby, but I just don't like being away from her just now. Maybe that's my issue. She is a fussy baby which is maybe why I don't want people to have her, incase they mess up my routine with her. She has a boyfriend she's been seeing a few months now and he also keeps buying dd outfits. I dunno if im just being overly sensitive or if she's been overbearing.

Johnnysgirl · 08/02/2023 15:53

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 15:50

I know what my child's reaction to being in one, esp with a rain cover, was when she was awake.

That's enough for me.

Doesn't have to be a "torture device" (which incidentally lying in a confined space with a plastic sheet near you could be deemed) to be unpleasant and claustrophobic and unnatural.

The natural place for babies to be is in a sling/carrier .... And I've lived in developing countries and seen it. Not lying flat in a plastic covered carry cot.

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Amazing that they can charge upwards of a grand for such an unnatural contraption, then 😂 and have people queuing up to part with their dosh.

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 15:54

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 15:37

I just think it’s really unfair to keep bashing MILs for perfectly ordinary things and portray them as sneaky and in some cases pure evil.

She puts her in a pram, often with a rain cover over it when the baby doesn't like that. Who the fk would like that ( unless you were asleep). She dresses her in uncomfortable impractical clothes..

They only want to spend time with their grandchildren, which is totally natural.

There's a huge difference between spending time with your grandchildren alongside their mum's and dads etc .... And insisting on/pushing for taking them alone on a regular basis.

Most people would love their MIL to be so interested in their baby and would love half an hour to themselves when the baby is small. Maybe this baby really detests the pram, but that’s fairly unusual. Older mothers do actually know how to settle babies. Actually I always thought the pitter patter of rain on the rain cover was quite soothing to babies cosied up inside the rain cover, not being hit in the face with it like the poor sod pushing the pram lol! Unless the MIL is certifiable I doubt she wanted to take the child out in a monsoon. Also I am happy to be corrected but I don’t know if the clothes were uncomfortable per se rather just too flouncy for the OP’s taste and too voluminous.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 08/02/2023 15:54

My ils had zero interest in their first dgc. But expected me to allowed sil age 8 to take ds round the streets in his pram. I offered her a buggy for her doll instead. Ils went batshit. And tbh our relationship never recovered..
No pleasing some people.. Maybe offer mil the empty pram if she wants to play mam's and dad's op?

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 15:55

Johnnysgirl · 08/02/2023 15:53

Amazing that they can charge upwards of a grand for such an unnatural contraption, then 😂 and have people queuing up to part with their dosh.

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Are you arguing that nothing expensive or in demand is not ideal?

Very sensible.

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 15:56

Maybe offer mil the empty pram if she wants to play mam's and dad's op?

Get her a reborn doll, sounds about right for her with the frilly dresses and pram parading.

Johnnysgirl · 08/02/2023 15:56

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 15:55

Are you arguing that nothing expensive or in demand is not ideal?

Very sensible.

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I'm arguing the "it's completely unnatural to put your baby in a pram!" hype.

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 16:01

Most people would love their MIL to be so interested in their baby

She's not interested in the baby, she sees the baby as an accessory. Op is spot on with the doll comment.

would love half an hour to themselves when the baby is small.

That depends entirely on the parent, the carer, the circumstances and the trust/assessment the parent has of the carer (and how familiar the carer is with the baby, properly familiar. In some circumstances it could be stressful.
It's a vast generalisation you're making there.

Older mothers do actually know how to settle babies

Another vast generalisation.

Older mothers are just like younger mothers; some are great, some shit and everything in between.

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 16:02

*She's not interested in the baby, she sees the baby as an accessory. Op is spot on with the doll comment.

i should add that if she was truly interested she'd ask op/listen to op about the baby's preferences etc and prioritise them.

Calphurnia88 · 08/02/2023 16:02

Johnnysgirl · 08/02/2023 15:41

She puts her in a pram, often with a rain cover over it when the baby doesn't like that. Who the fk would like that
You'd think it was a medieval torture device... It's a pram. Designed to transport non walking babies.

Such absolute nonsense 😵‍💫

You said upthread that you didn't know so many babies dislike the pram (although I suspect this was drenched in sarcasm). Well now you do.

A lot of babies, especially once they become a bit more mobile, don't like to be contained, and when they are contained, they cry. Why do you think there's so many threads on babies who hate the car seat?

It's why I (and a lot of other parents I know) try to schedule journeys around nap times, where possible. Because DS screams blue murder otherwise. You would think he was being tortured.

If OP's baby is like this, why would she willingly subject her to something that could distress her? It makes no sense.

mathanxiety · 08/02/2023 16:04

When I was about 9 or 10 my friends and I used to knock on doors and ask to take the baby of the house out for a spin. Many of the mothers let us. Occasionally some of them rang our parents to ask if we were free to do a bit of baby walking.

We all grew out of it.

I think your MIL is being a little childish.

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 16:06

Actually I always thought the pitter patter of rain on the rain cover was quite soothing to babies cosied up inside the rain cover, not being hit in the face with it like the poor sod pushing the pram lol!

If you're lying on your back in a confined space and don't want to be there, I'd imagine having a plastic cover over you would excaerbate that. Op has corroborated that for her particular child. What you imagine or project is irrelevant.

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 16:08

(And any decent pram or pushchair generally had a large hood and semi waterproof foot muff so ..... Not even strictly necessary.

But she shouldn't be out for a walk in a pram unless she's sleeping or it's unavoidable, let alone in rain anyway . . It's the GMs insistence on pram walks including unnecessarily when it's raining that's the issue.

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 16:08

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 16:01

Most people would love their MIL to be so interested in their baby

She's not interested in the baby, she sees the baby as an accessory. Op is spot on with the doll comment.

would love half an hour to themselves when the baby is small.

That depends entirely on the parent, the carer, the circumstances and the trust/assessment the parent has of the carer (and how familiar the carer is with the baby, properly familiar. In some circumstances it could be stressful.
It's a vast generalisation you're making there.

Older mothers do actually know how to settle babies

Another vast generalisation.

Older mothers are just like younger mothers; some are great, some shit and everything in between.

I love how you are the arbiter of generalisations yet know the innermost feelings of the MIL’s heart.
I think I did sufficient caveat my original post but as you appear to require clarification, in limited circumstances it could be stressful for a mother to have someone look after their baby to have some time to themselves. The overwhelming majority of mothers would be absolutely delighted.
Again, clearly the vast majority of older mothers do know how to settle babies as otherwise the world at all points in history up to now would have been defeated by the endless screaming of babies. Just as the vast majority of younger mothers do know how to settle babies.

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 16:09

Calphurnia88 · 08/02/2023 16:02

You said upthread that you didn't know so many babies dislike the pram (although I suspect this was drenched in sarcasm). Well now you do.

A lot of babies, especially once they become a bit more mobile, don't like to be contained, and when they are contained, they cry. Why do you think there's so many threads on babies who hate the car seat?

It's why I (and a lot of other parents I know) try to schedule journeys around nap times, where possible. Because DS screams blue murder otherwise. You would think he was being tortured.

If OP's baby is like this, why would she willingly subject her to something that could distress her? It makes no sense.

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How many mobile 5 month old babies do you know 🤯

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 16:09

not being hit in the face with it like the poor sod pushing the pram lol!

Theres are amazing inventions called hoods and hats.

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 16:10

Again, clearly the vast majority of older mothers do know how to settle babies as otherwise the world at all points in history up to now would have been defeated by the endless screaming of babies. Just as the vast majority of younger mothers do know how to settle babies.

Defeated by the endless crying of babies...... By fuck you talk some shite.

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 16:11

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 16:06

Actually I always thought the pitter patter of rain on the rain cover was quite soothing to babies cosied up inside the rain cover, not being hit in the face with it like the poor sod pushing the pram lol!

If you're lying on your back in a confined space and don't want to be there, I'd imagine having a plastic cover over you would excaerbate that. Op has corroborated that for her particular child. What you imagine or project is irrelevant.

Why is the baby lying on its back? You know a lot of prams allow you to prop the baby up? Have you ever used a pram or do you object to them on principal? I can’t see anyone forcing a screaming baby in to a pram for their own amusement. Many babies fuss on occasion. I think it would be wildly limiting to never again attempt to see if they will go in a pram/bouncer/ sling as a result.

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 16:12

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 16:10

Again, clearly the vast majority of older mothers do know how to settle babies as otherwise the world at all points in history up to now would have been defeated by the endless screaming of babies. Just as the vast majority of younger mothers do know how to settle babies.

Defeated by the endless crying of babies...... By fuck you talk some shite.

Same babes.

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 16:12

Even if the vast majority did, op's mil is clearly clueless so she's likely to be in the minority.

But that's a total side subject/derail from the topic of the thread anyway.

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 16:13

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 16:12

Same babes.

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Really, no luv.

But whatever you need to tell yourself.

Blossomtoes · 08/02/2023 16:13

BubziOwl · 08/02/2023 15:02

Are you well @Blossomtoes ? So you also think I'm a demanding daughter/DIL who also thinks her child's grandparents are old bats because... I told you that they come over all the time, are very much loved by me and my son, but they've never asked for time alone with my son and I've very rarely needed it? God, aren't I awful?

I'm sure my poor MIL is just gutted that she gets given tea and biscuits several times a week while she plays and bonds with my son and (shock horror!) chats with me, her DIL, at the same time. And then gets to go home without having changed any nappies, cleaned up any sick, or done any of the grunt work at all. She must be devastated.

You and @Johnnysgirl are clearly projecting here. Maybe your DILs would like you more if you weren't so bitter 🤷‍♀️

I haven’t got a Dil. A fact that makes me grateful almost every time I look at MN.

Calphurnia88 · 08/02/2023 16:14

Most people would love their MIL to be so interested in their baby.

Playing dress up and pushing a 5mo baby around in a pram isn't showing an interest in the baby as a person though. At that age my baby wanted to play peekaboo, and I'm so glad that my DM and MIL interact with DS in a fun and playful way. That is how you build positive relationships with your grandchildren.

Older mothers do actually know how to settle babies.

Some might do, but not all and it's very dependent on the baby's temperament. My DM and MIL are wonderful with DS but still can't get him to settle to sleep or when he's crying, despite their best efforts. Sometimes only the primary caregivers will do, which is completely normal in early attachment.

Johnnysgirl · 08/02/2023 16:14

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 16:12

Even if the vast majority did, op's mil is clearly clueless so she's likely to be in the minority.

But that's a total side subject/derail from the topic of the thread anyway.

aBut that's a total side subject/derail from the topic of the thread anyway
Oh, the irony, after your tsunami of posts doing just that 😂

TicketBoo23 · 08/02/2023 16:16

Calphurnia88 · 08/02/2023 16:14

Most people would love their MIL to be so interested in their baby.

Playing dress up and pushing a 5mo baby around in a pram isn't showing an interest in the baby as a person though. At that age my baby wanted to play peekaboo, and I'm so glad that my DM and MIL interact with DS in a fun and playful way. That is how you build positive relationships with your grandchildren.

Older mothers do actually know how to settle babies.

Some might do, but not all and it's very dependent on the baby's temperament. My DM and MIL are wonderful with DS but still can't get him to settle to sleep or when he's crying, despite their best efforts. Sometimes only the primary caregivers will do, which is completely normal in early attachment.

Thank fuck for a sensible poster again.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 08/02/2023 16:17

Some people just adore babies. I remember when dd was only a few months old and we took her to a family gathering, my aunt wouldn't put her down and monopolised her all day, I barely knew my aunt at the time, and once dd had grown a bit she wasn't interested in the slightest.