Mil treating baby like a doll

[tiaandduck]

I know I'm probably bu. Mil has been annoying me recently and I don't know if I'm just feeling over protective or possessive of dd or what the problem actually is but she's grating on me.

She has this obsession about taking my baby out in the pram alone. She is always asking to come round to push the pram. She doesn't want me there.
Dd is sometimes a bit fussy in the pram and prefers the carrier and it's always been raining when she comes round, so I put her off as dd doesn't like the rain cover either. She's a bit fussy just now in general.
Sure enough though, mil has been asking to make plans so she can come and take dd out in the pram so I can have a break. Even though I've never asked for or needed a break.
The second thing is she keeps buying her these impractical dresses that are a bit full on party style...we don't go to parties and she grows out of them too quick to wear them. Her wardrobe is bursting at the seams with dresses she has never worn...as well as a furry white coat.
She keeps saying she's buying her designer stuff, has bought her converse which she just kicks off her feet. She keeps buying designer things in her taste and I prefer rompers, baby grows or a little top and leggings set.
She keeps saying she wants some gran time alone with the baby, but I just don't like being away from her just now. Maybe that's my issue. She is a fussy baby which is maybe why I don't want people to have her, incase they mess up my routine with her.
She has a boyfriend she's been seeing a few months now and he also keeps buying dd outfits.
I dunno if im just being overly sensitive or if she's been overbearing.

You are not doing your children any favours. Let them go when they want to??? They are toddlers. You haven’t exposed them to being anywhere without you so how would they know if they want to go? You are letting your anxiety stop your children from doing totally normal things for their age. They would benefit greatly from even two mornings a week at nursery. When is the 3 year old starting nursery?

Your issue is with your own family. You can't project that onto people in general, because it simply isn't true.

Maybe try to project her gently on how better to spend her money on things your DD actually needs or will need.
She sounds well meaning tbh, not many people would splash out on that much for a 3mo.
Try not to burn any bridges, maybe just tell her you really appreciate the gesture but your baby is extremely fussy about fabrics, explain specifically which. She can find designer ‘cute and girly’ stuff for what does suit your child if she wishes, easily

For god’s sake. The MIL is clearly delirious about having a grandchild and keeps buying things when presumably he is with her. Doesn’t sound like the OP is that keen on MIL. I am all for child safety but you are making a massive leap here. Most people enjoying buying clothes for babies although on here you might as well be throwing sand in their eyes.

Maybe enrichment age appropriate activities, those beautiful designer ones with toys hanging down, she may love the idea because it would be center space and you could actually send her videos of her using it.
And plant the seed into her mind about those equally gorgeous and horrendously expensive Barbie etc full lots she would love in the not too far future

OP you do whatever YOU feel comfortable with, if being separated from your 5 month old is uncomfortable, do not do it. I am always suspicious of anyone who tries to seprate a mother from her baby before she is ready. I also would not be confortable with a man who has only been a partner for a few months being alone with my baby, you do not know him and your MIL is only just getting to know him. Fuck that.

If she wants to spend time with your baby she can do it with you there or not at all!

Ignore anyone who tells you that respecting your own boundaries regarding your baby daughter is unreasonable.

I’d actually try getting her to have a look on celebrity websites in a subtle way, what age appropriate stuff they get their kids. Like ‘oh wow Kylie Jenner ‘ or whoever just got this most gorgeous thing for her 3month old (no clue what age her girl is, but she definitely had a huge lot of stuff)

This. It seems mothers are okay, but MILs should not be allowed to do anything with, or for, their gc and are accused of all sorts for daring to want to spend some time with them! These precious young mothers seem to forget that one day they will probably be MILs themselves.

Hmmm i don’t agree. I think it’s only in recent times younger children do get forced away from parents earlier (which I totally get and don’t think there is anything wrong with, people need to go to work/have a break etc.) but crèche/nursery at such a young age is actually quite a new thing. I didn’t start until I was 4 and nor did my partner.
we have no plans for her to start yet, when I think she would benefit from it I guess. We spend plenty of time with friends with kids her age so she gets plenty of social interaction. For us, it feels very young.

I have never asked for 'alone time' with my grandchildren. I'm there to help out and visit when I get an invitation. I don't want to push them around in their prams. I've had my turn at being a young mum - I don't want to do it again.

Fwiw my distant niece was from a very wealthy background, and she always was gorgeously dressed way before it even mattered, but they were comfortable age appropriate clothes. So she’d have no trouble finding them.

No, you are wrong. I am over 40 and I was at play school for the mornings the year before I went to school. And I was far from the first cohort who did that! I started primary school at 4. My mother wasn’t at work. Neither were most other mothers. Plus people and families lived in much closer proximity to one another, you say you have no family near you and your children aren’t used to being round your relatives. Children were exposed to far more people. Will your child not be starting nursery at 4? It’s of course your decision but you seem to be thinking about you not the children.

I agree. Only desperately poor people, or people who do not care about clothes dressed babies in sleepsuits in the past during the day. She is buying what people used to dress baby girls in all the time. I get times change, but she will see what she is buying as normal.
I remember nearly all baby girls wearing dresses and matching pants that went over a nappy.

For the oral just say no, she gets anxious about it, and she’s young and fragile for cold weather, maybe when a little older. Then immediately switch back to something positive she could do with her at home (with you present instead).
Theres lots of age appropriate lovely toys, she may enjoy getting those much more as she could actually play with them with her in her home (and when she’s here, especially with company, put them front and center in the living room and praise her lovely grandmother for being so kind to her grandchild)

Oral lol, it was supposed to say pram

Yes! Here well in the 1990s as I remember dressing my older nieces in them! Particularly as people didn’t want to be seen as poor or slovenly they absolutely would not have dressed a baby only in a sleep suit.

For toys, stuff like these, with a v quick Google search only though

dealsxs.com/products/lupantte-lion-baby-gym-play-mat-with-9-toys-for-sensory-and-motor-skill-development-language-discovery?currency=USD&variant=40605524099226&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=Google%20Shopping

Congratulations on your baby girl OP!

if I was you I’d seriously think about how you want your family to look in the future.

Ny in-laws do childcare for us 3 days a week as well as looking after other grandchildren. When picking up baby me or DP will also having a cuppa and a quick catch up. My baby is close to the other cousins through grandparents also looking after them. Sometimes we’ll both go for tea straight from work.

On my days off I’ll often pop into theirs and also do some shopping for them on my way in. I’ll sometimes see SIL’s who have also popped in and we’ll all sit with a cuppa and chat whilst the babies play.

Me and DP will also have date nights whilst baby sleeps at in-laws or we’ll all go out for big family meals with in-laws.

10 years from now my baby will be super close with a bunch of cousins a similar age. They will have the security of a big close family around them, not just me and DP.

When I was poorly a few months back, MIL and FIL were straight over with medications as DP was at work and took over baby care whilst I slept upstairs. Then the next day my SIL and her babies were over with supplies for me and watched my baby whilst I went to my medical appointment.

Likewise when my FIL needed to see a specialist I was there like a shot taking him to his appointment and sorting out his medication plan with the doctor and sorting out a complex finance issue for him.
When my SIL had a C-section infection, as she couldn’t drive I took her to the GP as she couldn’t drive whilst BIL went to work.
my other SIL watched the newborn with her baby whilst we did this.

My point is, this kind of support doesn’t happen overnight. Family is about mutual support. Do my in-laws annoy me sometimes? Sure they do, and I’m sure I do them too sometimes. But we all muck in and help eachother and realise the pros of support, love and security that family brings massively outweighs any minor grievances.
So I put up with the hideous tartan outfits MIL dresses baby in whilst I work. In return I get feee childcare from a loving grandparent. MIL puts up with my rants about work and traffic when I get through the door whilst bringing her a bag of her favourite snacks from the shop on my way to her.

Although your MIL is annoying you now, if you nurture this relationship, then it can turn into a wonderful relationship full of beneficial and mutual support.
10 years from now your girl will be at a sleepover at her grandmas whilst you and DP have a much needed date night. Your DD benefits from the feeling of security, belonging and love an extended family brings.

The same thought occurred to me. Having never had a daughter or a niece, I find little girls’ clothes irresistible now I have a granddaughter. If this is the case, please cut her some slack and please don’t give them back to her - that’s incredibly cruel.

As a mil to be this thread gives me the fear ! When I had my babies I was grateful for an hour to myself to sleep or shower . I would think I was doing my dil a favour by taking baby a walk , now I’ll be worried about even offering ?

One of my friends MIL was like this. Wanted to dress her up, parade her like a doll. One day she left her DD with her DH for an appointment, MIL came around and asked to take baby out for a walk to show her off to a friend, the DH said sure. MIL promptly dressed her up in a ridiculous costume, put her in the pram and she was screaming before they even left the house. She was back with baby still screaming within 15 mins, and baby had had a complete blow out all over the lovely frilly princess dress to top it all off. Safe to say she didn't ask to do it again! Friend was very very pissed at her DH, almost became exDH, but he bucked up his ideas after that.

She nearly ended her marriage because of an I’ll judged outfit and a baby crying for 15 mins. Could have been totally unconnected! I can’t believe half the stories on these threads are real

Pathetic isn’t it.

Youd think these women were the child catcher, not the people who raised the man who they’ve just procreated with 😂

It blows my mind. I actually wonder what kind of families a lot of people have grown up in themselves.

Jesus Christ this thread is batshit.

From @Eyerollcentral patronising the hell out of @Foxglovers parenting. Leave the poor woman alone - she can raise her child as she so wishes!

To @Godlovesall26 rambling on about Kylie Jenner and can't make sense of much else she is saying tbh...

To the out of touch comments from @ExistenceOptional about how only poor people dressed their babies in sleepsuits.

I guess we've clocked out of 2023 and nosedived into the 60's with these absolutely ludicrous comments.