Dr told me I'm three and a half stone Overweight but I'm in no place

[forelogger]

To accept it or get motivated.
I have every reason to be motivated . But I'm not.

I've three kids, on my own , my knees and ankles are paining me, I've a back injury that can be healed woth walking and im single and would like to feel my best to look my best to meet someone one day.

I don't know how I got to this place.
I can carry two stone over. Im 5'7 but this is a new low for me.
Where do I even begin.

My mood is so low and I feel hopeless and full of despair for the future .
That chat we had was just the mail in the coffin.
AIBU to think I can do this in my own.
I can't afford a club or dietician.

I have so little time for planning or prep and as dr said to me ' once again, it's us women putting ourselves last and waking up unhappy with our weight and fitness one day'
All opinions appreciated and even a kick up the behind .
Thank you for reading.

One step at a time OP. I’ve started walking and skipping

I just absolutely wish the medical profession would get its head out of its arse and acknowledge the place poor mental health plays in obesity. But it’s easier and cheaper to just lay blame and guilt on the patient.

forget about diets and couch to 5k. The first thing to do is prioritise your mental health. See if there’s self referral to mental health services I’m your area. Research the polyvagal theory and weight gain.

go back to your doctor and demand help with your mental health.

if the NHs and government could just accept and treat this link it would save so much money in the long run

OP only you can make a decision to change. Or you can wait until life make this decision for you in a form of illness or some other way.

Start small. Be 1% better than you were yesterday. Just one flight of stairs or one squat or one short walk outside.
you’ve got it!

In fairness @OMG12 , my GP was very good re my mental health but we're in Ireland so it's nearly all private unless you have employee assistance which I do fortunately .
Our mental health health services are in complete disarray and really not fit for purpose .
The market is awash with people who have Mickey Mouse courses done settingthemselves up as practitioners so it's important to be discerning.
I firmly believe that self care in The form of rest, sleep, hydration , nutrition and relaxing pastimes and down time are a key start to positive mental health when utterly overwhelmed . After that, the supports need regulation here, big time.

ahh it’s not easy I’m not skinny either but you have to be in the right frame of mind and it’s easier if you can buddy up with someone and motivate each other starting is the hardest but thing how good you will feel once you start losing the weight. Chin up x

This absolutely! And also the role that the diet industry plays in over emphasising diet at the expense of other lifestyle factors. An industry doesn't get to be pulling down $470 billion annually worldwide (and projected to rise) by providing a solution that works for its clients. I'd prioritise getting yourself into an emotionally better place, and exercise does good things there as long as you are doing it in a way that feels right for you and not just to a target.

@forelogger I’m probably about the same and some similarity in circumstances.

two pp have mentioned YouTube walking videos. Sounds insane but they are more like aerobics and (as my chipper American lady says) you can vary the walk and use the upper body so it’s actually better than waling outside in a normal manner.

i have also tried Fitness Blender and Joe Wicks - I’ve had some muscle niggles with both so the walking workouts have been my route back in after a back pull. I’m also a fan of the scientific seven minute workout. Google it. I do it every day. One of my barriers to exercise was time, and associated with that, getting changed so I simply do the walking workout and the scientific seven in whatever I’m wearing. A bit yuck but there you go…

the NHS have a range of apps that are free and tested for quality. There is one called ‘weight loss’ where you can input your calories. I did it for maybe 6 weeks - quite depressing really! I guess it readjusts your take in quantity and calories.

Hope some of that helps.

I'm with you. It's so hard to tackle weight loss when everything else in your life is hard.

I wish I had words of wisdom but for me it's been a lifetime of overeating and failure.

I did go to overeaters anonymous at one point and that was perhaps the best chance I had.

Couldn't stick to it and ended up back at square one.

Your dr can refer you to slimming world or Ww for 12 weeks they can also refer you to a dietitian; they can also prescribe gym membership for you go back & speak to them you are worth this treatment.

As for low motivation set yourself a realistic goal; first half a stone; treat yourself to a new top, 1st stone; a manicure etc you don’t have to spend massive amounts of money on the treats buy a nail varnish & do the manicure yourself after the children are in bed it’s surprising how much you can do & how much better you’ll feel 😊 Good luck you can do it x

In Ireland @Missingpop ???

Thanks.
I've a night out one month from now so I'd be thrilled to have 5-7 lbs down .
I'm even planning what to wear 😅
I'm going to do this gently and with enjoyment. See the changes as gains rather than losses.
Think a weekly check in re mood, weight loss and update on what did and didn't work might be useful for those interested?

Yes yes, this makes me so angry, and it’s usually women that are exploited in this lie.

Exercise should be rebadged as a great way to improve mental health (it’s much better at this than any amazing weight loss) this would refocus on just stretching, starting off with something like yin yoga, body weight exercises, walking. No need to be doing HIIT classes.

hormones affected by stress have so much impact on weight as does lack of sleep (which then affects mental health

the judgemental attitude of health professionals needs to stop. Being overweight is most often not the patients fault.

weight watchers etc very rarely work long term.

to lose weight you need to:

want to
address mental health needs
create a positive relationship with your body (I’d recommend body awareness and breathing - yoga is a good place to start esp yin but wim hof is also good)
balance hormones
address gut health
know you’re worth it
address why you’re over eating
stored trauma can often make exercise (where trauma can be released so so difficult and painful/ often with no knowledge of what’s happening)

other barriers include time. Costs, it goes on.

if the government/nhs is serious about reducing obesity- they need to recommend and find this integrated approach. Not offer 6 weeks of eating muller lights

I also really liked the Joe Wicks veggie cook book. There’s a lot around second hand. Short, quick quite innovative recipes that introduced me to some ingredients I’d never used or thought I didn’t like.

I’m the same height as you and also over three stone overweight 😬 I also just don’t really have the motivation, inclination or drive to lose it. Like you, it is a bit of a mental health issue.

I did, a few weeks back, find a thing online called Body Groove. It costs me about a fiver a month and it’s just dancing, dancing however you want, to the music. in the videos, the class teacher has lots of different shapes, sizes and ages dancing. It’s more about feeling good and empowered than losing weight but obviously that’s a good side effect.

you can start with 5 min videos and build up to 25 mins. There are easier videos and some more intense.

I’m enjoying it, I fit it in before my family wake up.

another idea if you can’t face exercising out of the house is walking around your own living room, or on the spot.

YouTube have “walk an hour around the park with me” type videos that you can walk with.

Could always put one on the tv, mute it and listen to a funny podcast at the same time!

That’s good to hear. Yes all those things are so important. Have you tried yoga, or breathing/body awareness exercises on you tube?

I do meditation at night to help me de stress and sleep. Last night I also did a really good one which encouraged me to flow through life ! I loved it

Deepak Chopra

5/2 diet. It’s free and easy—just don’t eat two days a week. Lost 4 stone that way over a period of about two years. I was inspired to do it by George Osborn who, when he became chancellor was quite pudgy, then went on 5-2 (it was in the papers) and became lean and hawkish (probably the only positive contribution he ever made to anything). It works well, costs nothing (in fact saves money), requires no special food or lifestyle change. Just need a bit of toughness with oneself on the two none-eating days. Can’t recommend it highly enough.

Not rttt but didn't want to read your original post OP and forget to come back later.

You can do this. It won't be easy, especially at first. The first few novelty days, weeks, maybe OK. Then it hits this is a new normal and your mind can argue with itself. You can come out the other side, and new ways become new habits done more instinctively.

My rough story is,,, single parent to 2. No help. No friends local. No family support even at a distance. SAHM. In my 40s. Weight crept on. Suddenly I was 2-3 stone overweight but I'm short so that's a lot for me. Never dieted in my life. GP routine health check flagged it up.

It still just played on my mind until I noticed my kids were quite static. Reluctant to go out some days. I had us start couch to 5k. Honestly for them at that point more than me. I'd never have felt able to go out alone and do it. But several wks in they lost interest / got injuries, but I realised I still wanted to go. And I kept it up. Meanwhile several wks in, I noticed I wanted to make slightly different choices. Snack less naughty food. Eat a better breakfast. Watch my portion size. The journey took itself at its own pace but it was happening without a massive conscious decision, just little changes here and there every now & then. But they added up. And as I felt a bit boosted it self-fuelled wanting to take better care a bit more. I'd never have done any of it had I known the bigger picture of changes & effort but it flowed gradually once the first steps were taken. One day at a time. Don't think much further ahead especially in the early days.

As time went on, to avoid injuries, I added in Joe Wicks hiit exercises too. Free ones off his youtube channel. Cost of it: an exercise mat about £10. I do it curtains shut, in my sports bra & knickers (I get v hot lol). Minimal cost. And I can fit in to suit me, whatever the weather is or random free time I have.

It took about 2 yrs to drop from about 11 stone to 8-8.5 stone. I still run 1-3 times a week, between 5-10/15 km a wk (tracked using strava on my phone, nothing extra fancy like sports watches etc). I still do my Joe Wicks as and when.

I'm proud of what I've achieved tho it feels a bit of a cheat as I only set out to be healthier for my kids, to set a good example. Everything else has been a wonderful side product along with massive improvements in my mental health, my confidence, my kids happier to be seen out with me as I look less old (we can even share clothes too & I fit back in old clothes now considered vintage). Some days, some weeks, are tough it's true but I focus on healthy eating snd portion size more than anything, and doing minimum 5k a wk. Many wks that's all I do if the weather or life is against me, and that's OK because this is a long term life change.

One thing which reallllly helped my early days and still now is having an encouraging friend. Mine lives many miles away. But we are connected on strava. And she champions my running achievements. She was running before me, and I never thought I'd match her distances or speeds. But guess what. It happens. And she's told me I inspire her when she's loosing motivation. I have a different mum friend who is my Joe Wicks buddy. We send each other workouts we've done with a quick summary of how it went, was it recommended etc. These things have helped me mentally more than I realised they would to keep going.

Sorry this is long. OP, I truly hope you feel able to take just 1 step. Cos that's a step forward from where you are now. And if you keep doing that you'll travel at your own pace but always heading in the right direction.

One last thing. This might be just me, but for the first few wks I told no one about my goals with the kids or healthy eating changes, looking back it would have felt like extra pressure, being watched. Maybe that's just me but for me, a quiet soft launch was also important to get going. Remember this process is very personal & some people benefit from crowd support holding them accountable. I don't, it's pressure. So have a think what's best for you.

Absolute best of luck. You can do this 100%, and it doesn't need to cost a lot, definitely not gym / club membership etc.

Hi, do you like swimming? Swimming is great for getting fit, you start off slow and build up, as you get fitter. It doesn't impact on your joints. So will it will not affect your ankles, or anything that pains you. If your kids are old enough, you could take them and do some swimming, whilst they mess around. I can get my son to spend an hour in the pool, but he wouldn't run around for an hour.
As for diet, I don't know if you eat much naughty stuff, but maybe cut down on snacks. If you make your own curry's, change the cream for fat free fromage frais or Greek yogurt. Have a look at other swaps to reduce the fat, These will not cost a fortune, but might help you loose weight.

Thank you, to all also.
I've decided not to say anything at all to anyone. That's too much pressure then because in my circle of close friends, it would become a big thing in that they would also join in and our whole relationship would become focused on healthy eating, calories etc. it could become boring too easily and then deflating if I just had a little slump or they did.
This was its private and my test to myself of that makes sense.
On the cain side I have several celebratory occasions this year and it would be lovely to just feel and look good in my clothes again.

I just want to do my thing, listen to some meditation audios and really start respecting my mind and body.

• treat to myself

I recommend a kidney infection. Couldn't eat more than maybe a couple of bits of toast a day for a week. Lost 3kg. Bit extreme though

Seriously though, if you're after some advice and don't mind a bit (lot) of sweatiness, I recommend following this guy on Instagram: www.instagram.com/reel/CoR3cWJo-Us/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
He's got some sound advice which has really made me think.