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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No congratulations on my birth

96 replies

123qwerty321 · 07/02/2023 15:32

I've had only 1 message from a work colleague congratulating me. My baby is 4 months. Most knew I was pregnant.

I'm not really saying that everyone should be fussing over me and cooing over my baby, I think I would have just appreciated a few messages just saying 'congratulations, hope you ok'.

I think what hurts more is that 2 of my work colleagues who I thought i was particularly close to haven't even bother to message me at all. They have messaged others who have had babies but not me.

Aibu or is it just life get over it.

OP posts:
Yorkshiredolls · 08/02/2023 06:18

I get it OP I was really quite hurt and upset when I had my first and got no aknowledgement. I did let them know baby was born. I didn’t visit as its a high risk clinical area and I didn’t want to risk baby to exposure to infection. Actually in the end I did get a card, it was posted out when my baby was about 6 -8 months old. It had water stains on it and I think it had clearly got something spilt on, probably slipped under the computer on the desk and forgotten about and then found months later and posted out. No card or collection when I got married 18 months later either. It wasn’t because of the culture there, I was frequently asked to put money in for other colleagues cards and gifts for having babies, getting married, leaving or retiring, sometimes collections got to over >£100+ if it was a manager retiring, Clearly my face just didn’t fit there.

I left about 2 years after my return from mat leave and got a last minute card and naff garage flowers bought on someones lunch break. I Work for a lovely team now, best decision Ive made.

UdoU · 08/02/2023 06:24

had baby girl named xyz on Monday weight 123lb'.

that’s a big baby! Wink

Congratulations!

Message the close friends mow!

Beautiful3 · 08/02/2023 06:28

Congratulations, I hope youre doing okay. I didn't get any messages from work with either of mine. I announced it on face book, with a photograph. It was on there, colleagues sent congratulations.

SadSunshine · 08/02/2023 06:30

You need to let it go otherwise it's going to eat away at you. Accept it and move on. Enjoy your time with your baby.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/02/2023 06:35

You need to take the baby in to work!

Oh God no you don't! I hated it when colleagues did this. I also wouldn't send a personal message to a work colleague. So I think YABU.

LoveMAFS · 08/02/2023 06:43

People have their own lives. Is it your first I wonder?

plumduck · 08/02/2023 06:46

Yeah I'm sorry I can see why this stings. When you go on MAT leave you often learn that colleagues you almost considered friends are not that at all. It does change things when you go back. It might also help you leave the company more easily as you'll feel less attached.

greyfox82 · 08/02/2023 06:46

My brother in law couldn't even be arsed to send a text to me or congratulate me and my (now ex) partner couldn't fathom why I thought he was such an arsehole!

kateandme · 08/02/2023 06:51

Friends you'd message them!

WandaWonder · 08/02/2023 06:52

I have to admit people have babies all the time, sure if someone is close to me I contact them if not I do not contact everyone who has a baby

Not everyone is into babies or other people's news, close friends and relatives sure

I did not hold anything against anyone who did not contact us after our baby was born people do have their own lives

kateandme · 08/02/2023 06:53

4 months on though you need to try find a way to stop hurting over it.nothing can be done now.its far too late.
Ha e you been in touch with them since?even your friends?

RingRingRingGoesTheTelephone · 08/02/2023 07:16

Strange thing to think about 4 months in? I think unless you are personal friends or they are on your social media you can't really expect it. I had a baby 5 months after starting a wfh job, no one knew I'd had the baby until I emailed about a week after to tell them, they did reply congrats. They would have had no idea I'd given birth had I not messaged them though.

Roselilly36 · 08/02/2023 07:19

Many congrats OP Flowers Some very strange comments on here, I would feel a bit upset too OP, just remember some people are just wrapped up in their own lives and work colleagues are easily forgotten where they aren’t there, so try not to take personally, and enjoy your new baby.

MelchiorsMistress · 08/02/2023 07:34

Are the two close friends you feel hurt by struggling to conceive just now?

Really, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t say they’re close friends that you’d have expected a message from at the same time as failing to send a message to them when you had a baby. Ime the normal course of events would be you sending them a picture with the baby’s date and weight and then they send you congratulations.

Maybe they’re feeling a bit hurt that you haven’t sent them a picture yet.

user1471538283 · 08/02/2023 08:00

I would be a bit upset if I were you but some teams are like this. I was off sick for 7 months years ago and I didn't get a text, flowers or a card from any of them. I thought I had a good relationship with at least one of them.

This changed me. I no longer contributed to anything. If I wanted to give I gave from me alone.

Sometimes you have to harden your heart.

Step99 · 08/02/2023 08:19

Congratulations!! Yes, they are being shit. My work sent me flowers and a card signed by everyone.

OhmygodDont · 08/02/2023 08:20

I mean if you thought you were actual friends surely you would message them separately.

Maybe they thought you where friends to find out you only regarded them in the same way as all other staff members and are as equally put out my lack of message as you are.

MrBallensWife · 08/02/2023 08:24

People are strange!,I worked in the same place with the same group of people for 16 years,formed close friendships with 2 of those (sisters),when I started working there in 2000 my son was 4 months old,they watched him grow up so to speak.I left there in 2016 but we still kept in contact,I would go visit them for coffee,go for meals,bbqs etc.My son was diagnosed with Cancer in 2018 and during his treatment I had 1 phonecall from each of them to ask how he was.I then texted one of them not long after to see if they wanted to meet up etc (as I could have really done with a friend during this awful time),no reply..He passed away in November 2021 and I've never heard from them since that 1 phonecall when he was still alive.They know he passed away as they are friends on FB with my oldest daughter but neither of them has reached out to me,my number is still the same as it was when I last spoke to them.
If I ever were to hear from them again then I will tell them to fuck off and tell them why!

CheshireCat1 · 08/02/2023 08:25

Congratulations on your little baby, I’m sorry that you’re upset by this, at least you now know about your mean spirited colleagues. There’s a girl at work expecting her first grandchild and everyone is excited about it, I’m knitting a baby blanket for her. Workplaces vary and when you do decide to return to work I’d look for a position in a more kind hearted place where colleagues like to share good news.

grumpycow1 · 08/02/2023 08:27

If they were friends I would have messaged them separately to tell them I’d had the baby. Maybe they felt a bit put out that you didn’t tell them directly and didn’t know whether to message you. Also do you know for sure that your manager announced it?? They may have forgotten. Life is too short to worry about this type of thing, as someone said everyone has their own stuff going on.

cortisolqueen · 08/02/2023 08:29

Sympathies OP. Whenever anyone from work has a baby & management let us know, I'll always send a message to congratulate them. Seems a bit tight not to. Even if I was put out that I'd not been told separately I'd do the same.

Congratulations on your baby, hope maternity leave us going ok.

Gagaandgag · 08/02/2023 08:30

I feel for you OP I would also be upset.
It is not an ‘odd thing’ to be worried about.

Sending a big hug. Maybe get out to some groups and try to just put them out of your mind x

elodiesmith · 08/02/2023 08:53

@MrBallensWife I am so sorry about your son. Flowers
I wish I was your colleague. I would definitely see you and reach out to you regularly. X

Whydoitry · 08/02/2023 09:07

Everyone else at work, when they had a baby, got a card from the department and a gift.

I got nothing. Tbh it was a factor in deciding not to return after maternity leave because I didn't feel valued.

I don't think you're unreasonable.

MrBallensWife · 08/02/2023 09:12

elodiesmith · 08/02/2023 08:53

@MrBallensWife I am so sorry about your son. Flowers
I wish I was your colleague. I would definitely see you and reach out to you regularly. X

Thankyou so much 🩷
I wish you were too!.x