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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No congratulations on my birth

96 replies

123qwerty321 · 07/02/2023 15:32

I've had only 1 message from a work colleague congratulating me. My baby is 4 months. Most knew I was pregnant.

I'm not really saying that everyone should be fussing over me and cooing over my baby, I think I would have just appreciated a few messages just saying 'congratulations, hope you ok'.

I think what hurts more is that 2 of my work colleagues who I thought i was particularly close to haven't even bother to message me at all. They have messaged others who have had babies but not me.

Aibu or is it just life get over it.

OP posts:
MarieRoseMarie · 07/02/2023 15:33

Are you on maternity leave?

KatherineJaneway · 07/02/2023 15:33

Are you sure they all know? Out of sight, out of mind.

DrManhattan · 07/02/2023 15:34

People have their own schizz going on. It's not an excuse, it's a reason.

Congratulations BTW

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 07/02/2023 15:34

That's rubbish, OP. Could it be that they're waiting for you to initiate contact because they don't want to disturb you? Have you sent a photo etc?

Congratulations on the arrival of your little one, anyway!Flowers

Crunchymum · 07/02/2023 15:35

Do they have your private contact details?

How do you know who they have or haven't messaged?

Wolfiefan · 07/02/2023 15:35

As work colleagues we would maybe send a card from us all. I wouldn’t contact a work colleague to congratulate them though.

ReamsOfCheese · 07/02/2023 15:35

I think this is an odd thing to worry about 4 months after giving birth. And an odd thing to expect in general. YABU but kindly, have you been checked recently for PND, PNOCD or similar? They can cause you to attach too much significance in meaningless things.

Greensleevevssnotnose · 07/02/2023 15:35

Have you not taken the baby in yet?

statetrooperstacey · 07/02/2023 15:37

You need to take the baby in to work! And quickly , he’s quite old now. They are probably wondering why you haven’t .

FT123456 · 07/02/2023 15:37

People didn't message me from my work to I announced to them with a picture (they said they wanted a picture once born) then I was given congratulations.

Maybe as others said they were waiting from you; but I completely understand why your feeling a little hurt.

Congratulations on your little bundle of joy

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 07/02/2023 15:39

So did you message them when baby was born and they didn't reply?

I only got congratulations from people i messaged diretly and on my fb/instagram post

Theopossumwasmeantforme · 07/02/2023 15:42

Did you send them a picture etc when the baby was born? People usually respond after that tbh.

K37529 · 07/02/2023 15:45

I don't think it's really the norm to DM work colleagues with congratulations unless yous are very close. Only a few of the people I work with messaged me to say congratulations and that's because I sent them a photo of the baby after they where born.

Dreamstate · 07/02/2023 15:48

When it comes to work I am not bothered by this. Infact I made a point to ensure they didn't do anything, I personally find it a bit awkward in the sense these people aren't my friends and I am not close to. So I rather they didn't. Especially because if it was other way round I don't want to be giving money for every bday, pregnancy etc. Not because I am tight but because I don't want to spend my limited money on people I barely know.

I have two friends from work who I am close to but we hang out and chat after work quite a bit so they would have my number etc to congratulate me anyway.

user1496262496 · 07/02/2023 15:50

I wouldn’t worry about it. Most people find other people’s children/babies intensely boring. Unless they are close friends and family I wouldn’t expect any kind of reaction to the news

ComtesseDeSpair · 07/02/2023 16:00

If you’re on ML most colleagues just assume you’re in the thick of being a new parent and that you’d rather be left alone unless you reach out to say otherwise. Usually a card / flowers are sent on behalf of the whole team / office. Did you get that? I’d scribble a nice message in a team card but wouldn’t message a colleague to give separate congratulations as well.

Why not message them something like “Wow, this last four months has been a total whirlwind! Baby and me now have a decent routine going, if you’d like to meet up near the office one lunchtime to meet him/her, that would be lovely.”

genericperson123 · 07/02/2023 16:01

Someone at my work place recently went on maternity leave, we were told specifically not to contact her, no real idea why. There was subsequently an email saying what was bought with the collection but nothing about the baby, when born or even if it was a boy or girl, guessing a girl from the gifts. I am put off contacting the colleague (we weren't especially close but obviously I'd send good wishes) in case I make them feel uncomfortable. I assume if they shared news with us that would mean it was ok to congratulate them but as there's nothing definite I don't feel it's appropriate...

JorisBonson · 07/02/2023 16:02

Surely having a healthy baby is congratulations enough, not a half hearted message from a colleague.

MelchiorsMistress · 07/02/2023 16:03

Did you message them with pictures and a little birth announcement?

If you did and they ignored it, YANBU.

If you’re expecting them to congratulate you because you assume news has got round that you’ve had the baby, YABU.

Lcb123 · 07/02/2023 16:05

How did you tell them you’d had the baby (just wondering if they actually know)? And do they have your personal email or mobile? Bit odd but seems like many explanations, and perhaps they’re giving you space

Anonymous48 · 07/02/2023 16:08

This seems like an odd thing to worry about. Surely you'll be congratulated and asked how the baby is once you return to work.

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 07/02/2023 16:15

I only send congrats messages once the baby is confirmed to be born - if it's just a colleague leaving to have a baby and then radio silence, I wouldn't presume all was OK and would wait.

Congratulations, though! <3

KimmySchmitt · 07/02/2023 16:18

If you consider yourself particularly close to those two colleagues, why haven't you messaged them asking how they are, since you've not seen them in months? I'm sure they have things going on in their lives too you could be asking about/congratulating them on.

Pink3489 · 07/02/2023 16:19

Hi OP, same thing happened to me. My baby is a few months old now and my 'friend' at work ignored my birth announcement message I sent to them. Bit disappointed but now I know what level of friendship they want!

Dweetfidilove · 07/02/2023 16:23

That's not nice. I'm sorry you've been ignored.

When my baby was born my closest friend announced it (before Group WhatsApp was a thing) and I received a lovely card signed by my teammates and a bosses of my then favourite series.

Congratulations 🎊