Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride isn’t talking to me - follow on update

417 replies

Aperolsprizter · 07/02/2023 15:17

Hello,
I posted this thread a while ago and got some great objective advice www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4635974-bride-not-talking-to-me-but-wont-tell-me-why-wwyd

upshot was that my friend, a bride to be, just stopped talking to me one day. Was rude at an event we were at. I reached out several times asking if I’d done something wrong and made it clear I was open to talking about it if I had (despite the last time us seeing each other prior everything had been lovely, or so I thought).

anyway, still heard nothing. The bride to bes mum in law has messaged the group whatsapp for bridesmaids asking for the deposit for the hen do. I politely replied to her directly not in the chat saying I hadn’t been in contact with the bride for six months so assumed I wasn’t part of the wedding etc - response was “bride will be in touch soon”.

this was two weeks ago and I’ve heard nothing. Wibu to leave the group chat? I know there’s others without me in anyway, but I don’t want to seem petty and I don’t know if I should grab the bull and message her? I know this seems weak but we’ve been friends for years prior to this, and although I can’t see the relationship repairing now I feel like I want to remain calm and collected in it all.

OP posts:
linsey2581 · 08/02/2023 17:43

How long is it until the wedding

AutumnTreacle · 08/02/2023 17:46

I get why you’re staying so as to not give further ammunition, but you’re just prolonging this and there isn’t a point.

I’d likely message the mum just saying you’d not heard off the bride so you’ll take the hint and leave things who they are and exit the group. You’re unlikely to get the closure you want, so create the ending yourself by cutting all ties to her.

You’ll see the other women in public and they may do that smile/wave/nod thing people do when they recognise someone but they’ll keep their distance, as will you, just bite the bullet and have it done with there isn’t anything to be gained.

grumpycow1 · 08/02/2023 17:48

I’d confirm to the MIL you haven’t heard anything and are formally dropping out. Then leave the group. Likely MIL will ask the bride and the bride will look like the unreasonable one - which she is! Then just forget about it.

BaconChops · 08/02/2023 17:49

How awful, a group of 4 of us - all friends for a long time when one just completely cut the other three out including myself in much the same way. I had thought we were good friends but no explanation nothing! It’s frustrating and hurtful and I know it’s hard but if your friend is looking for an excuse to terminate the friendship you’d hope she would at least have the decency to tell you why. However, some people are jealous of their friends or what they have, especially as it sounds like you have a good career etc. Could it be that? Might you overshadow her big day does she think? I think you have to accept you’ll probably never know the real reason why she’s chosen to do this. Perhaps she just enjoys the drama….I do agree it’s odd behaviour though. I’d remove myself from the wedding, perhaps send a gift and tell her if she feels she can ever reach out to talk she can and you’re sorry she felt she needed to end the friendship this way. Get on with your life, hope you feel better soon.

wentworthinmate · 08/02/2023 17:52

Please stop flogging a dead horse. It’s over, move on.

BaconChops · 08/02/2023 17:53

Oh and I’d leave a message in the group chat, explaining the above and then leave well alone.

newtoallthisshizzle · 08/02/2023 18:09

Sorry to hijack this thread. You’re not being unread at all. I’d just drop out of the chat completely.

Does anyone remember a similar story where the OP was supposed to be BM at her friends wedding in 2days time? I can’t find that thread at all and I really really want to know what happened. Might also give this OP pointers 😉

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 08/02/2023 18:11

After six and a half months I’d kick her to the curb fully

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 08/02/2023 18:15

I’d ask on the group chat whether the bride is ok, as she’s not been replying to any messages for 6 months, and you thought she was dead

ensayers · 08/02/2023 18:16

You've already asked her directly if there's an issue, and had no reply.
If there was no issue then she would of said "no hun of course not" Simply the lack of reply says that yes she has a problem.
You've been the mature adult and offered to openly talk about it. If she changes her mind then she knows where u are. Until then just forget it.
Sudden and unexpected change says to me that something happened (or was perceived to have happened) clearly you don't know what it was. If it was something bad then maybe you're better off not knowing?
You've done all you can though, the balls in her court.

AllyArty · 08/02/2023 18:20

You are not a doormat, you are a good friend who wants to do the right thing. I’d do nothing, the ball is in their court.

Marlena1 · 08/02/2023 18:46

@newtoallthisshizzle if that was the one where OP kept asking where the wedding was, she was never told. They did make up after but seemed like the bride didn't want her there. Sorry if that's not the same one.

Saddogmum73 · 08/02/2023 18:50

Sorry that you’re in this position but I think you are overthinking it. Fuck what the bride or the others think, you weren’t the one to crated this situation so why do you care. I wouldn’t make a fuss, nor would I call out the bride on the chat but would just leave the chat and send a decline.
It feels like you’re tip toeing around it and don’t want to be the one to be seen Ina bad light but if anyone who is in the chat they will contact you, if they don’t then you know that they aren’t real friends.

postwarbulge · 08/02/2023 18:52

Mind games. Run away!

CountryMouse22 · 08/02/2023 19:00

This is what is meant by Bridezilla behaviour, I assume! I never had a hen night, DH and I drove to register office together and then had refreshments at his house, bought from Asda and M&S the day before, including cake. I wore a suit from Wallis and he wore a work suit. No idea why people want to spend zillions on weddings these days. This woman is ghosting you so do the same back. Not worth fretting about.

Justbefair · 08/02/2023 19:11

Well seems someone is very stubborn and so sad she's never responded to let you know a reason for it. Sorry you're having to deal with this, some people are just plain petty and unlikely to change. Personally I would leave the group chat open, just because I'm nosey lol, make one last attempt and in it say you're not going to make the effort anymore, you've tried all you can and whatever the problem is you were open to address it. Bye bye stubborn friend! X

Kamia · 08/02/2023 19:14

Your friend's actions are weird and concerning, is she normally like this or is it recent behaviour. Have you met her fiancé? What is he like?
She may just be a rude person or there may be something off there. Either it's mental health related or she's in a controlling relationship and has been convinced to cut you off. It just seems strange to me.

TheTruthWillSetYouFreeMaybe · 08/02/2023 19:17

Been here. Bestie chose to believe a lying Narcissist over me and stopped talking to me. Her future MIL begged me to go to the wedding (evening party as married abroad) and said BF would want me there and ‘make up’. Against my better judgement I went. I was ignored by her all night and The Narcissist was there. Felt humiliated and like a proper plank. Never again. Back out now.

CappuccinoFace · 08/02/2023 19:23

Just leave the group chat, you can leave quietly and don't have to announce it.

Luckymonth · 08/02/2023 19:43

Put the chat in archive and ignore it. You've made it clear you're happy to chat so if she won't tell you what can you do. Sounds like it's her problem or issue otherwise she would probably say.

Papershade5 · 08/02/2023 19:45

I had a friend who did a really strange thing of excluding me from a group event that was being organised. I thought I was imagining it and went and she sat at a different table and sat fthat there wasn't room for me to join it, then went and got.extra chairs when other people turned up. All very strange and to this day I don't know what I am supposed to have done. So like everyone else I am saying move on, cut yourself loose and forget her

Fingeronthebutton · 08/02/2023 19:49

Your a bit slow on the uptake, OP. She’s given you enough clues that she doesn’t want to know.

oosha · 08/02/2023 19:52

There comes a time when you just have to respect yourself enough to walk away, this is one of those times!

burnoutbabe · 08/02/2023 19:57

I think this will come to a natural conclusion soon. They are planning the hen and asking for payments so soon something will be booked. You can just say you are waiting for confirmation you are still invited from mil. At the point they book something without you it's clear that bride has said to mil SHE IS NOT INVITED.

Then I assume in embarrassment they will just start a new group excluding you. That's probably what's already happened.

I am not sure why you can't ask bm you are friends with if she knows what is going on though?

StClare101 · 08/02/2023 20:20

Yeah I was thinking the same thing ^

They will start organising the hen in more detail and the chat will go silent because you haven’t left and they need to press on without you.

You will look odd.

Just leave the chat!