AIBU to not want to spend Mother's Day with MIL?

[WorkingMutha]

My MIL has just sent me an email asking that our family come to hers for Mother's Day. I honestly cannot think of a worse way of spending Mother's Day. She extends this "invitation" every year and every year we get guilt tripped when we decline. I have a DH and two DDs who try to spoil me on the day by taking me out to brunch or similar. I think it's really sweet that they try to give me a day off. However, my MIL seems to think we should be celebrating her motherhood and can't understand why we wouldn't want to go to their house and spoil her on the day. Hubby is on my side and doesn't want to spend the day at his parents', either. He'll send her flowers, call and send a card but AIBU to think that the torch has passed and Mother's Day isn't about her anymore?

It's not OP's mother though. Really this whole situation is life admin that DH should sort out, including deciding what he's doing for mother's day, and OP shouldn't be obliged to do what MIL wants for mother's day. Otherwise when would OP's mum ever get a look in? Or OP? 🧐

It is mothers day, your dhs priority for the day should be his own mum, it is up to you how you want to spend your mothers day and if you go with him or not.

Your dh can help your dd get a card/chocs before the day and breakfast in the morning, after that if you don't want to go with him to MIL and prefer to spend a special day with your own dd instead then you absolutely can do that. You don't need dh there with you when he should be with his own mum.

I was brought up that mother's day was to thank and acknowledgeu mums for all they do for you and what you do for your kids while they're still at home is way more. My mum says as I'm the one parenting young kids rn (and my sister and SIL) we should do what we like.

It's just different perspectives on a day. Like different places celebrating Christmas differently. Neither is wrong.

So the minute you became a mother it stopped her being one? YABU year in year out ignoring the woman on a day that's supposed to also be about her.

This. She will always be a mother too. As will your mother.

Sounds to me like you just don't like her.

It never occurred to me to stop celebrating Mother’s Day for my mum/MIL when my children were born. I remember my mum and dad still celebrating Mother’s Day with my grans growing up. Now I’m a mum i get a lie in, breakfast in bed, flowers etc but we still like to see my mum/MIL and not just disregard them.

This.
Can't understand the expectation that her husband should be spoiling OP on MD. Isn't that what wedding anniversaries and Valentines days are for?

You say you decline every year. Have you ever accepted? If not, what is the problem?

How far away are they? If local, I don't see why dh wouldn't pop over for a cup of tea - assuming she was a decent mum and they have a good relationship of course. But perhaps thats isn't enough for her and she wants the whole day to be about her? Or perhaps she lives further away. What about your mum?

I do think Mother's day should primarily be for the Mums currently at the coal face with little ones. My dcs are older now and I'm happy with a phone call.

What about your mum?

I swear to God, if I read one more mean-spirited MIL thread ...

Tbh I don't celebrate mother's day with my adult dd, mother's day is a waste of time and money and I don't want her to feel pressured or need to spend unnecessary money.
I get flowers and a card and carry on with my day, I used to celebrate with my own DM but it meant something to her, it doesn't mean anything to me and I really can't understand the fuss.
In your position you should politely decline the invite and enjoy your day with your little family, don't be guilted into doing something you don't want to do

Did she stop being a mother the day you had children? I always see my mum on Mother’s Day… because she’s my mum. Obviously your MIL is not your mum, but she is your DH’s, so I understand why she’d like to see her son on Mother’s Day. Can he go alone if you don’t want to go?

I think you are a little harsh but I do agree with your point. To me Mother’s Day is for children to ‘celebrate’ their Mum mainly, with a card and chocolates or something. I get my Mum a card, DH sorts his Mum out but it’s not a big thing for any of us at all. Your MIL is your DHs responsibility anyway and if he doesn’t want to go then you shouldn’t feel any guilt.

to think that the torch has passed and Mother's Day isn't about her anymore?

Unless you have become your dh's mother, for him it is absolutely still about her 🙄

For your dd's it is about you. If they want to take you out to brunch they can, you just need to drive them there, your dh does not need to be there to make it a special mother and daughters day.

I lost my mil 10 years ago.
I lost mum last week.
Id give anything to have a choice.

Stop being selfish and consider others.

'Monstrous'.

Get a grip.

YANBU at all to want to enjoy your family spoiling you, but you come across appallingly in your OP.

The torch doesn’t pass.

Figure out a way to include everyone - it’s not hard.

Where’s your own Mum in all of this?

What an arsehole your dh is and you, whining about sharing the attention, fgs.

My perfect Mother's Day would be my husband taking the kids to see his mother so I get a day to myself!

Can you go out for brunch then pop to see MiL after?

Sorry OP......I think you're being v selfish

So, so sorry. Losing your mum is such a blow. Mothers’ Day’s going to be so hard for you this year. 💐

What do you mean mothers days isn’t about her anymore? When did she stop being a mother?

Personally, if Dp had a mother I would expect him to see her if at all possible. My mum is dead but, when she was here I would always pop over. Have brunch with her and the kids and a meal in the evening at home.

She was still my mum. Even though when we were adults.

This! Some time to myself and not having to cook dinner and I'm happy, but I have a lovely MIL who is far more sentimental than I am so it works out fine for us.