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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Super nanny

267 replies

Marmaladeoncrumpets · 06/02/2023 14:59

Watched what I assume was an old show on tv today (is super nanny still going?) and fairly shocked by the tactics used. I remember seeing it on Sunday mornings many years ago, before dc and Dh and I saying to each other, what a nightmare having kids looked, as we lounged around probably hungover and with no commitments for the day 🤣
I do remember thinking she was great, but then, I had no kids or no idea 🤷🏻‍♀️
Did you ever follow her?

OP posts:
MissTrip82 · 07/02/2023 01:32

Intrepidescape · 06/02/2023 15:35

South Park did an episode on her where Cartman called her a sad lonely woman who couldn’t have children of her own.

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Wow. The misogyny of that must have shocked you. How disgusting

Her methods don’t appeal to me but it’s never occurred to me that people who work with children know less than me because they haven’t given birth themselves. I found the nasty comments about her not having children quite baffling.

AnotherSpare · 07/02/2023 01:50

Sazzling · 06/02/2023 15:26

Did she ever have kids? Reading books by "experts" only gets you so far.

Joyful. Criticism of a childless woman.
That's like saying a man can't be a good gynaecologist.
People in professional jobs study and build up experience. Some may not agree with her methods, but not having children doesn't mean she couldn't be a good behaviourist or child psychologist.

Suprima · 07/02/2023 08:29

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Emmamoo89 · 07/02/2023 08:36

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Just leave me the fuck alone.

DragonHouse · 07/02/2023 08:37

Emmamoo89 · 07/02/2023 08:36

Just leave me the fuck alone.

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Thought you weren’t responding anymore?

Emmamoo89 · 07/02/2023 08:39

DragonHouse · 07/02/2023 08:37

Thought you weren’t responding anymore?

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It doesn't need to be started up again. It's pathetic. You all must be perfect parents. Anyway ill just keep reporting and it'll get took down. Thanks MN you know when people are being arseholes.

DragonHouse · 07/02/2023 08:44

Emmamoo89 · 07/02/2023 08:39

It doesn't need to be started up again. It's pathetic. You all must be perfect parents. Anyway ill just keep reporting and it'll get took down. Thanks MN you know when people are being arseholes.

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Nobody is a perfect parent (and by saying this you are acknowledging you know you are doing wrong by your son, you’re just not going to do anything about it).

Plumbear2 · 07/02/2023 08:47

Emmamoo89 · 06/02/2023 19:00

Yeah well I love my parents. And I can guarantee all parents did it at some point

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I was raised in the 70s and 80s. No we weren't all physically assaulted, far from it.

Emmamoo89 · 07/02/2023 08:57

Usually when mothers attack other mothers is because they are generally projecting their fears and anxieties through the only shitty medium they have. And they are showing who exactly they are as a person. Its a reflection of themselves.

DragonHouse · 07/02/2023 09:01

Emmamoo89 · 07/02/2023 08:57

Usually when mothers attack other mothers is because they are generally projecting their fears and anxieties through the only shitty medium they have. And they are showing who exactly they are as a person. Its a reflection of themselves.

And what fears and anxieties are being projected here?

It is not “attacking” to call our child abuse. That is every human’s job.

SweetMeadow · 07/02/2023 09:13

There is an astounding lack of knowledge about child development in many of these posts which is so sad. Super Nanny was horrendous and some of these comments about children growing up to be narcissists because everything is made to be about them is depressing. If we want a better society and world for our children, it starts with understanding and implementing developmentally appropriate parenting for the individual child. That’s absolutely not time out, CIO, punishments. I could go on but a read of what actually gentle parenting is would enlighten many. Sadly I think it’s too convenient for people to be negative about it because the ‘it never did me any harm’ narrative is easier parenting and gentle parenting is much harder but a brilliant investment in a child’s future. And let’s face it, we need happy, well adjusted and healthy children for the future to help us get out of some of the mess previous generations have created.

purpledalmation · 07/02/2023 10:21

Naughty step worked well for us. Never had to put DS back and it calmed him down. He is a very nice little boy though and rarely needed the step.

WhiteFire · 07/02/2023 10:36

SweetMeadow · 07/02/2023 09:13

There is an astounding lack of knowledge about child development in many of these posts which is so sad. Super Nanny was horrendous and some of these comments about children growing up to be narcissists because everything is made to be about them is depressing. If we want a better society and world for our children, it starts with understanding and implementing developmentally appropriate parenting for the individual child. That’s absolutely not time out, CIO, punishments. I could go on but a read of what actually gentle parenting is would enlighten many. Sadly I think it’s too convenient for people to be negative about it because the ‘it never did me any harm’ narrative is easier parenting and gentle parenting is much harder but a brilliant investment in a child’s future. And let’s face it, we need happy, well adjusted and healthy children for the future to help us get out of some of the mess previous generations have created.

Most parents are trying to muddle along the best they can, average literacy age in the UK is 9 years old, so berating people for not being read up on the latest development theories is unfair and unrealistic.

Too often parents are told what they are doing is wrong, but no one steps up to help them and advise alternatives.

MintyFreshOne · 07/02/2023 10:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

DragonHouse · 07/02/2023 11:53

WhiteFire · 07/02/2023 10:36

Most parents are trying to muddle along the best they can, average literacy age in the UK is 9 years old, so berating people for not being read up on the latest development theories is unfair and unrealistic.

Too often parents are told what they are doing is wrong, but no one steps up to help them and advise alternatives.

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The information is readily available out there if they cared to find out. They’re just not bothered to put in the effort.

Dacadactyl · 07/02/2023 13:12

SweetMeadow · 07/02/2023 09:13

There is an astounding lack of knowledge about child development in many of these posts which is so sad. Super Nanny was horrendous and some of these comments about children growing up to be narcissists because everything is made to be about them is depressing. If we want a better society and world for our children, it starts with understanding and implementing developmentally appropriate parenting for the individual child. That’s absolutely not time out, CIO, punishments. I could go on but a read of what actually gentle parenting is would enlighten many. Sadly I think it’s too convenient for people to be negative about it because the ‘it never did me any harm’ narrative is easier parenting and gentle parenting is much harder but a brilliant investment in a child’s future. And let’s face it, we need happy, well adjusted and healthy children for the future to help us get out of some of the mess previous generations have created.

May I ask how old your children are?

SweetMeadow · 07/02/2023 13:43

A one year old and a 4 year old. I’m wondering if you will tell me that I ought to wait a bit longer before I come to my conclusions? How old are yours?

I am still learning how to parent my children and I imagine I always will. But for now, I personally feel keeping informed with the latest research on children’s neurological and emotional development helps. To be fair though, it’s not so complicated to treat your children with respect whilst holding firm boundaries.

Rhino94 · 07/02/2023 14:07

@SweetMeadow absolutely agree with everything you’ve said!

Lottapianos · 07/02/2023 14:10

'@SweetMeadow absolutely agree with everything you’ve said!'

Same here. Too many parents seem to do whatever is most convenient to themselves in the moment, and have little thought for the impact on their children. Some parents seem actively resistant to learning anything about how children develop and what they need at various stages

Boomboom22 · 07/02/2023 14:24

But @SweetMeadow that is what she advocated for! Understanding.g children and boundaries. You may be too young to have seen her actual methods. She doesn't do xry it out, she sat next to then quietly showing she wasn't leaving. Time out is all about reflection and why they did it not punishment. Your own lack of understanding of how her theories fit into child development theories tells me you do not understand gentle parenting and are likely a permissive parent.

DragonHouse · 07/02/2023 14:32

Boomboom22 · 07/02/2023 14:24

But @SweetMeadow that is what she advocated for! Understanding.g children and boundaries. You may be too young to have seen her actual methods. She doesn't do xry it out, she sat next to then quietly showing she wasn't leaving. Time out is all about reflection and why they did it not punishment. Your own lack of understanding of how her theories fit into child development theories tells me you do not understand gentle parenting and are likely a permissive parent.

Time out is not about “reflection”. It’s an attempt to shut the child’s emotions down and shut them up.

When children have big feelings they need their caregiver to coregulate with them. Dismissing the child, and reacting with an action that is not a natural consequence (as all discipline should be), does not teach them anything not allow them to work through their emotions with you.

SweetMeadow · 07/02/2023 14:36

Boomboom22 · 07/02/2023 14:24

But @SweetMeadow that is what she advocated for! Understanding.g children and boundaries. You may be too young to have seen her actual methods. She doesn't do xry it out, she sat next to then quietly showing she wasn't leaving. Time out is all about reflection and why they did it not punishment. Your own lack of understanding of how her theories fit into child development theories tells me you do not understand gentle parenting and are likely a permissive parent.

Sadly I’m definitely not too young to have watched her programme in the UK. I think I actually thought a lot of it was reasonable at the time.

Do you think a child of say, 3 or 4 has the mental capacity or emotional maturity to reflect or think about what they have done wrong? They honestly don’t. Beyond 7, maybe they can start but when a child is sat ‘thinking’ about what they’ve done ‘wrong’, they are feeling like love has been withdrawn and not understanding why.

And with respect to CIO. You may be still sat next to them but the baby may still be distressed because it needs your touch. The baby won’t understand why that’s being withdrawn.

Finally, I am definitely not a permissive parent - that would also be an easy option and in my opinion, not in the best interests of the child. I absolutely understand what gentle parenting is. I’ve spent the last four years immersed in it, making mistakes and trying again. And as I said before, we can throw around labels of parenting but when did treating your child with respect, disciplining in accordance with age appropriate behaviour and expectations and firm boundaries get so controversial?

Emmamoo89 · 07/02/2023 15:58

DragonHouse · 07/02/2023 09:01

And what fears and anxieties are being projected here?

It is not “attacking” to call our child abuse. That is every human’s job.

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I know I'm not a perfect parent. I don't make out to be but I know I'm a fantastic mother because my son is looked after. I wouldn't harm a hair on his body. I love him so fucking much. Everyone parents differently and not going to take any notice of strangers on the Internet. I've never abused my son and if you could see him you'd see that he hasn't been abused. He's loved and cherished. You are NOT witnesses. Have no fucking clue.

Lottapianos · 07/02/2023 16:25

'He's loved and cherished. You are NOT witnesses. Have no fucking clue.'

You're doing a huge amount of protesting for someone who had had enough of the 'judgemental bitches' on here and was leaving the thread yesterday

Dacadactyl · 07/02/2023 16:49

SweetMeadow · 07/02/2023 13:43

A one year old and a 4 year old. I’m wondering if you will tell me that I ought to wait a bit longer before I come to my conclusions? How old are yours?

I am still learning how to parent my children and I imagine I always will. But for now, I personally feel keeping informed with the latest research on children’s neurological and emotional development helps. To be fair though, it’s not so complicated to treat your children with respect whilst holding firm boundaries.

Mine are 16 and 10 so I'm a lot further forward in this journey. Might be an idea to wait until yours are older (and you have some idea of the results of your parenting) yourself.