Page 11 | Super nanny

Marmaladeoncrumpets · 2023-02-06T14:59:45+00:00

Watched what I assume was an old show on tv today (is super nanny still going?) and fairly shocked by the tactics used. I remember seeing it on Sunday mornings many years ago, before dc and Dh and I saying to each other, what a nightmare having kids looked, as we lounged around probably hungover and with no commitments for the day 🤣 I do remember thinking she was great, but then, I had no kids or no idea 🤷🏻♀️ Did you ever follow her?

Dixiechickonhols · 09/02/2023 12:01

I saw some of the early uk shows, the American one seemed very extreme. I remember seeing one with a wfh mom with 4 yr old twins and she was expecting them to nap for hours and despairing at them playing when she was on calls with a headset. Utterly bonkers.
It’s probably 20 years old now.
Some of the early uk episodes were fine. Nothing major just overwhelmed parents. There was one with pre school age triplets in a tiny flat. She helped rearrange furniture and put a folding table in and implemented everyone sits at table to eat and it made a big difference to the single mum.
The bedtime routine she did was sensible to me anyway. Nice calm routine - story etc. if child gets up take them back saying it’s bedtime. If keep getting keep calmly returning don’t put tv on, make them snacks, or give them lots of attention or they’ll keep wanting to get up.
I guess as with any tv they needed to look for more extreme cases to keep series going.

Dixiechickonhols · 09/02/2023 12:12

The American one especially she was good at trying to explain that they were being typical 3/4 year olds not naughty. Parents were often clueless age expectations eg naps thing stood out to me. A 4 yr old isn’t playing up they don’t need a 3 hour nap mid afternoon. There were lots of food related ones too - no lumps and still feeding school age children like babies or putting 4 yr olds in high chairs.

DragonHouse · 09/02/2023 14:05

MooseBreath · 09/02/2023 11:43

I tell my child that hitting his brother hurts him, and he understands that. But he also needs to learn that when he does something wrong, he needs to apologize, just as I do when I do something wrong. Just because he doesn't understand it yet doesn't mean it shouldn't be modelled by me and practiced by him.

It isn’t the right thing to do to apologise just because it’s the expected thing. Apologies should be heartfelt and made off their own back.

You need to role model behaviour, not instruct. It cannot be compared to tooth brushing as that is essential for health reasons and is necessary.

Making your child apologise doesn’t do anything but make you feel reassured.

Dixiechickonhols · 09/02/2023 14:14

I forgot about ignore the bad, praise the good, we used to use that on a colleague it was a well known saying at the time.

jannier · 09/02/2023 14:35

SweetMeadow · 09/02/2023 00:01

I’m sorry to say that this will not work for your child. 3 years is far too young for a child to have any means of controlling their behavior like this. He hasn’t got the mental capacity to understand your explanation of why he needs to sit in time out and even if he apologises, he won’t know why or what he’s apologising for. Instead, the feelings he will have will be of love being withdrawn which is quite distressing for a child.

When we force a child to say sorry before they know what this means and why they need to, we are teaching them to be insincere. They have no empathy at this stage. He honestly won’t be able to manage his feelings for many years. That part of our brain doesn’t mature until our mid twenties!

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A lot of generalisations in your post. Some do have empathy and some can clearly tell you why behaviours like hitting are not a good idea. ....are you honestly saying a 20 something can't manage feelings and empathy? If so god help us

jannier · 09/02/2023 14:36

blubberball · 09/02/2023 11:57

I thought that I remembered some episodes where a child did have SEN, and SN adapted her style accordingly? The naughty step approach wasn't appropriate for all children, and I remember her teaching different techniques for children to calm down.

Yes she has taught strategies according to development

jannier · 09/02/2023 14:39

MooseBreath · 09/02/2023 11:43

I tell my child that hitting his brother hurts him, and he understands that. But he also needs to learn that when he does something wrong, he needs to apologize, just as I do when I do something wrong. Just because he doesn't understand it yet doesn't mean it shouldn't be modelled by me and practiced by him.

How old is your child? I think school age it's appropriate to expect a sorry EYfS it's more about how actions made someone feel and encouraging using words not hands...obviously according to speaking ability.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 09/02/2023 14:43

WhenItIsRaining · 06/02/2023 16:36

She did some fantastic work. So many parents had absolutely no idea... filling their children with snacks then wondering why they wouldn't eat dinner; running up and down the stairs 40x to deal with bedtime; never letting their children do anything that might mess up the house etc. There were some shocking situations: one where the dad "looked after the baby twins" while wfh...except that what he actually did was leave them in their cots all day. And another where 2 teenage girls had to homeschool in order to look after their little siblings all day while their parents worked. Straight up child abuse.

Yes, if she did nothing else, she saved those 2 girls from neglect. That episode was horrendous. There was also another American one where the husband was a controlling arsehole who wouldn't let the wife see her dad because he (dad) was gay and she saved her.

TimeToFlyNow · 09/02/2023 19:18

MooseBreath · 09/02/2023 11:43

I tell my child that hitting his brother hurts him, and he understands that. But he also needs to learn that when he does something wrong, he needs to apologize, just as I do when I do something wrong. Just because he doesn't understand it yet doesn't mean it shouldn't be modelled by me and practiced by him.

Yep I think you are doing the right thing . Apparently children don't really have the cognitive skills to truly understand empathy until 8/9. It's better to start modeling the behaviour earlier than that!

SweetMeadow · 09/02/2023 19:28

DragonHouse · 09/02/2023 14:05

It isn’t the right thing to do to apologise just because it’s the expected thing. Apologies should be heartfelt and made off their own back.

You need to role model behaviour, not instruct. It cannot be compared to tooth brushing as that is essential for health reasons and is necessary.

Making your child apologise doesn’t do anything but make you feel reassured.

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Thank you @DragonHouse for your very clear explanations!

ancientgran · 09/02/2023 19:28

Intrepidescape · 06/02/2023 15:35

South Park did an episode on her where Cartman called her a sad lonely woman who couldn’t have children of her own.

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That is truly vile.

SweetMeadow · 09/02/2023 19:31

jannier · 09/02/2023 14:35

A lot of generalisations in your post. Some do have empathy and some can clearly tell you why behaviours like hitting are not a good idea. ....are you honestly saying a 20 something can't manage feelings and empathy? If so god help us

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Sorry, I should have said ‘doesn’t even fully mature until the late 20s’. I maintain that a 3 year old will not have the empathy required to genuinely feel sorry or reflect on how their behaviour may have made someone else feel.

Rhino94 · 09/02/2023 19:45

SweetMeadow · 09/02/2023 19:31

Sorry, I should have said ‘doesn’t even fully mature until the late 20s’. I maintain that a 3 year old will not have the empathy required to genuinely feel sorry or reflect on how their behaviour may have made someone else feel.

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Yes exactly this, you may think they have empathy but what they are doing is saying what they know you want to hear, that wont have the empathy at this age, this is why modelling behaviour is so important

jannier · 09/02/2023 20:02

SweetMeadow · 09/02/2023 19:31

Sorry, I should have said ‘doesn’t even fully mature until the late 20s’. I maintain that a 3 year old will not have the empathy required to genuinely feel sorry or reflect on how their behaviour may have made someone else feel.

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So if they can say X is crying because I hit her, it hurts. There isn't any understanding if they say I don't like x he hits there is no understanding? When another child is hurt they go up to them and give a cuddle unasked. That shows empathy to me

Rhino94 · 09/02/2023 20:16

jannier · 09/02/2023 20:02

So if they can say X is crying because I hit her, it hurts. There isn't any understanding if they say I don't like x he hits there is no understanding? When another child is hurt they go up to them and give a cuddle unasked. That shows empathy to me

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They would be behaviour modelling not empathy

jannier · 09/02/2023 23:39

Rhino94 · 09/02/2023 20:16

They would be behaviour modelling not empathy

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With respect you don't know the 2 children I'm talking about. Someone also said role play doesn't happen this young is absolutely does I have them setting out chairs to make a bus getting on and off with their babies they help each other when they get hurt look concerned showing it in their faces as well as their actions. It is unusual but it does happen when we look at photos they put meaning to expressions and will suggest why the picture could be sad or happy that's not blank not knowing and it's not copying role modelling. Children have changed even in the 29 years I've been working with them depending on the support and experiences they have had.

Dyslexicwonder · 10/02/2023 05:56

jannier · 09/02/2023 23:39

With respect you don't know the 2 children I'm talking about. Someone also said role play doesn't happen this young is absolutely does I have them setting out chairs to make a bus getting on and off with their babies they help each other when they get hurt look concerned showing it in their faces as well as their actions. It is unusual but it does happen when we look at photos they put meaning to expressions and will suggest why the picture could be sad or happy that's not blank not knowing and it's not copying role modelling. Children have changed even in the 29 years I've been working with them depending on the support and experiences they have had.

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3 and 4 yo absolutely have empathy, they will spontaneously cuddle a class mate who is upset, share food and even have rudimentary understanding of why someone is for eg: sad or angry. They need this in order to develop "theory of mind" age 5ish.