Super nanny

[Marmaladeoncrumpets]

Watched what I assume was an old show on tv today (is super nanny still going?) and fairly shocked by the tactics used. I remember seeing it on Sunday mornings many years ago, before dc and Dh and I saying to each other, what a nightmare having kids looked, as we lounged around probably hungover and with no commitments for the day 🤣
I do remember thinking she was great, but then, I had no kids or no idea 🤷🏻‍♀️
Did you ever follow her?

How do you put in the effort if your not aware of any issue....there are no gentle parenting TV shows so where do they find out that there are alternatives. Most gentle parents don't even get it right.

Well i would argue that the current younger generations are less mentally healthy and well adjusted than others before, certainly allthe available information shows this so....
i think you must have been watching a different show to me .JF talked a lot to the children about how they felt about things AS WELL AS implementing firm consistent boundaries. I dont think i ever saw her discipline a child simply for expressing feelings of frustration, jealousy and so on, only for their behaviour, A child NEEDS firm consistent boundaries as well as attention and guidance
Too many kids start school without ever having experienced firm boundaries.A teacher may have 30 , small children to cope with he/she does not have time to do all this gentle parenting bollocks. Parents need to have done some groundwork on kids doing as they are told!

Mine are 28, 20, 12 and 10. I'm quite glad I didn't find mn until 11 years ago!

I can imagine they will grow up to be great empathetic and emotionally regulated adults

100% this and I'd 'like' it a thousand times if I could.

I would also say that you can be a "strict" parent and your child can grow up to be empathic and emotionally regulated.

My dc have consistent and firm boundaries and I have been using “gentle parenting” this is what it is about while helping them emotionally regulate amongst other things. What you are probably mistaking it with is permissive parenting which is not upholding boundaries for fear of upsetting the child. They are doing fantastic at school, they definitely know boundaries!

Gentle parenting is all about firm boundaries. And it requires a lot of groundwork - that’s what it’s all about.

Wait to advocate for an alternative approach that is based on common sense and science? It’s early days but I’m already seeing the benefits with my eldest.

We all do what we think is best for our own family and as we see fit.

I don't mind one bit if someone else wants to use gentle parenting, but in my view, this is not the way forward for my children. My approach is based on how my family have doen things for generations. We are strict, have certain expectations and ways of doing things.

If my child feels they want to do things differently with their children, they can do so. I do some thing differently to my parents too, but on the whole they are my template.

can i ask how you uphold your firm boundaries, when the child is just not listening?

I work in a school and our whole behaviour policy is based around emotional regulation (we use the zones of regulation system for all of the children) and helping to move disregulated children back to a regulated state. We use restorative consequences and we talk about intent vs impact, how their actions made them/other people feel, and so on.

It works very well and Ofated have noted behaviour in the school to be excellent so yes, we do have time in school for "gentle parenting bollocks".

Would you rather we were shouting at small children and turning discipline into a battle of wills? Breaking children in order to reshape them is a very outdated concept.

who has talked about shouting at small children? Certainly not me, and not supernanny.I have never seen her yell at a child!

What do you do?
Willing to listen to any tips for my child

I worked for a parenting charity at the time and most of our families used her methods.

I went in to know a lot more about SEN / neurodiversity (bother professionally and personally), and feel sad at the families whose now obvious neurodiversity were missed by everyone, and same for her techniques- behaviour is communication is the mantra we use now in the field, not whack them on a step until they conform.

I think she must have been around pre my kids possible?? Mine are 13 and under. However I did watch her shows out of great interest as a psychology graduate and a teacher. I then recall having my own kids and trying the naughty step and no chance!! However I later found out my child is autistic and non of her methods really work with ND kids. She’s basically parenting in an ABA type approach which works great with dogs!! I read a few ‘parenting’ books, watched a few shows, listened to a few fiends and family give their advice and then did my own thing that worked for me and my children.

What’s more interesting is Marie Kondo, the decluttering and tidying expert has given up on her own home now she has 3 (?) children of her own!! I’ve tried a lot of her methods too. They were great but didn’t last and didn’t take into consideration the constant barrage of gifts the kids get from friends and family and the amount of stuff they need for various activities they do.

I like super nanny and think she generally had the right idea that said I wonder how many of the children she worked with were neurodiverse, I suspect a lot of them. I remember some families were all the kids were okay but one poor child who struggled with everything.

Some of her techniques, for example, clear boundaries, routine and clear expectations would be useful for a child with ASC but technique's such as the naughty step would not have helped at all!!

My dd is a teen now and I suspect she is autistic, I tried the naughty step with her when she was younger and it was always completely counterproductive. It taught her nothing and made her behaviour worse.

Actually, Cartman said this to the first nanny. Fictional, I presume.

Jo came after and ended up in a mental ward after 3 days. I won't say what she was doing in the ward!

I use the naughty step (we call it "time out") for my son (nearly 3) and it works very well. I give him a warning about unacceptable behaviour and if he doesn't stop, I sit him on a mat, returning him if he runs off (he has only tried this twice). I get down to his level, explain to him why he needs to sit in time out, and leave him there for 2.5 minutes. After the 2.5 minutes, I explain to him again why he needed to sit in time out, he apologizes to whoever he hurt (if applicable), and we have a cuddle where we talk about his feelings and how to manage them. I only use this when he is doing something that could hurt himself, someone else, or break something (we can't afford to endlessly replace the tv or windows). Otherwise, it's natural consequences.

If DS had any SEN, this method likely wouldn't work. But he doesn't, and he may not like it, but he understands why he is in time out when he behaves badly.

It is certainly not a neglectful or emotionally abusive practice when done correctly.

I’m sorry to say that this will not work for your child. 3 years is far too young for a child to have any means of controlling their behavior like this. He hasn’t got the mental capacity to understand your explanation of why he needs to sit in time out and even if he apologises, he won’t know why or what he’s apologising for. Instead, the feelings he will have will be of love being withdrawn which is quite distressing for a child.

When we force a child to say sorry before they know what this means and why they need to, we are teaching them to be insincere. They have no empathy at this stage. He honestly won’t be able to manage his feelings for many years. That part of our brain doesn’t mature until our mid twenties!

@SweetMeadow well that goes some way to explaining all these feral kids about...their parents not saying "get a grip and behave yourself" until they're in their mid 20s when 'their brains develop'. Come off it.

So he shouldn't be taught to apologize to his brother for hitting him until he's in his 20s because that's when he will be emotionally mature? Calling BS on that. A very self-centred generation is being raised if this is the case.

And 2.5 minutes of sitting alone to calm down is hardly distressing.

Making a child apologise does nothing. It doesn’t teach them anything, just like sitting in time out.

What you need to do is teach your child empathy and how their actions make others feel. Useless to force an apology as it’s meaningless, it just makes you feel reassured.

I tell my child that hitting his brother hurts him, and he understands that. But he also needs to learn that when he does something wrong, he needs to apologize, just as I do when I do something wrong. Just because he doesn't understand it yet doesn't mean it shouldn't be modelled by me and practiced by him.

It's like getting a child to brush their teeth. They don't yet understand why it needs to be done twice per day, but they do it anyway because it is the right thing to do.

I thought that I remembered some episodes where a child did have SEN, and SN adapted her style accordingly? The naughty step approach wasn't appropriate for all children, and I remember her teaching different techniques for children to calm down.