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Original poster

Super nanny

267 replies

Marmaladeoncrumpets · 06/02/2023 14:59

Watched what I assume was an old show on tv today (is super nanny still going?) and fairly shocked by the tactics used. I remember seeing it on Sunday mornings many years ago, before dc and Dh and I saying to each other, what a nightmare having kids looked, as we lounged around probably hungover and with no commitments for the day 🤣
I do remember thinking she was great, but then, I had no kids or no idea 🤷🏻‍♀️
Did you ever follow her?

OP posts:
Dyslexicwonder · 06/02/2023 20:44

5128gap · 06/02/2023 20:40

How is the parent walking away from the child any different from sending the child away (naughty step) when both involve ignoring/excluding the child? The second at least means the child is in a place where the impact of any destructive behaviour is minimised

Because you are not escalating the situation with backwards and forwards from the naughty step.We are talking about a 5 year old here, how many would really willfully destroy property ? My experience is that after they have overstepped the mark , they cry tell me they are sorry, then we have a hug and make up.

Emmamoo89 · 06/02/2023 20:45

I'm completely done on here. It's just full of judgemental bitches

Dyslexicwonder · 06/02/2023 20:45

Also important that the adult can say sorry too.

keeprunning55 · 06/02/2023 20:46

Her methods are outdated, I agree-but, I think the clear boundaries and knowing the consequences of their choices/mistakes, is a good idea. She always gave children warnings and told them why they were being made to sit on the ‘naughty step’.
I did this with my ds a handful of times and my dd once when they were young and at an age to understand. They don’t appear too scarred from the naughty step!
She also had some lovely ideas for families to come up with house rules that included playing games/having fun etc.

5128gap · 06/02/2023 20:47

Iam4eels · 06/02/2023 20:23

That's never happened to me but if it did I would assess it as described, I would also be considering whether there was something more going out to cause a child to lash out like that. Behaviour is communication and a child acting in a disregulated way is disregulated for a reason.

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Indeed. Often the reason is that they want to do something that for good reason they can't, and they are simply communicating their fury at not getting their own way.

YouJustDoYou · 06/02/2023 20:47

She had some fantastic advice. No nonsense, firm tactics that were fair but also appliable as per age etc.

YouJustDoYou · 06/02/2023 20:49

Totally don't agree her methods are "outdated". As a very recent nursery worker, her simple methods worked absolutely fine. Kids can be utter shits these days exactlye because Western parents won't be firm anymore.

Whenwilliberich · 06/02/2023 20:52

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 06/02/2023 15:30

Worked a treat with my ds who was a holy terror, he soon figured out that his big feelings weren't appropriate when he decided to spit at people ( the joys of having an older cousin 🙄😂)

The whole point was consistency, keep retuning to bed or step so they got the message that you meant business.

I didn't like her American series at all, she comes across as really quite rude and nasty where as the old UK series she was firm but fair. I stopped watching after the episode she threw a chicken nugget at a parent.

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throwing a chicken nugget at a parent episode was fantastic - great tv!!

we use the step as a way to get our children out of the room so everyone can calm down. Doesn’t have to be the step, could be a different room. I don’t think it’s a bad idea. They can regulate themselves safely on the step - away from the sibling/victim of their violence! That’s really the only time it gets used!

i think the modern day parent has standards far too high for me - all gentle parenting does is make me feel guilty for losing my patience 90% of the time - and I have a lot of patience!

YouJustDoYou · 06/02/2023 20:52

I mean, "no, we don't hit, hitting hurts!"

How is that wrong? 😂

"Oh, no, poor little dove, please do not do that to mummy, it is not nice, I won't put you in time out to understand consequences because I do not want to hurt your feelings but please try not to hurt mummy again".

WhiteFire · 06/02/2023 20:52

Different dc need different approaches and support.....

Absolutely, and as parents / carers we can only do our best given the physical and emotional limits we have at the time. Have I always got it right? No, I haven't, but I have tried to the do the best I can. My DC will be the ones to decide how I did.

As for the flicking, I took it that it was used as a distraction technique, and more like a tickle, not an act of abuse.

YouJustDoYou · 06/02/2023 20:54

WhiteFire · 06/02/2023 20:52

Different dc need different approaches and support.....

Absolutely, and as parents / carers we can only do our best given the physical and emotional limits we have at the time. Have I always got it right? No, I haven't, but I have tried to the do the best I can. My DC will be the ones to decide how I did.

As for the flicking, I took it that it was used as a distraction technique, and more like a tickle, not an act of abuse.

Absolutely. My Ds was a TERROR and I lived off of her advice, it was hard, hard, hard work but damn he;s a good, well mannered and consistent kid now. My other two never needed it really, not because of my parenting/employing her techniques, but just down to luck.

Kanaloa · 06/02/2023 20:55

WhiteFire · 06/02/2023 20:52

Different dc need different approaches and support.....

Absolutely, and as parents / carers we can only do our best given the physical and emotional limits we have at the time. Have I always got it right? No, I haven't, but I have tried to the do the best I can. My DC will be the ones to decide how I did.

As for the flicking, I took it that it was used as a distraction technique, and more like a tickle, not an act of abuse.

Why would you think it was a tickle when the poster said a flick? That would be like if someone said ‘when my child hits me I punch them in the chest’ and you said ‘oh I took it to mean she pats his chest.’ I presume the poster knows what they meant. I would suggest by the way flicking yourself in the face. Even ‘gently’ or not as hard as you could, it feels really unpleasant. Not something to do to a small baby, I wouldn’t think.

Teatime55 · 06/02/2023 20:57

My friends daughter always fell asleep on the naughty step. But that probably highlights the cause of the tantrum anyway….

mikado1 · 06/02/2023 20:59

YouJustDoYou · 06/02/2023 20:52

I mean, "no, we don't hit, hitting hurts!"

How is that wrong? 😂

"Oh, no, poor little dove, please do not do that to mummy, it is not nice, I won't put you in time out to understand consequences because I do not want to hurt your feelings but please try not to hurt mummy again".

Again, complete rot! How is the first one not in keeping with no naughty step?! That's exactly what I would say! The ridiculous second comment is just silly.

purpleme12 · 06/02/2023 21:02

TheEponymousGrub · 06/02/2023 15:19

We tried to follow her model/pathway of consequences, but, it never said what you should do if you put the kid on the naughty step and they just would not stay there. At all. For a moment. No matter how long you tried.

This is my child!
I didn't do it because she'd never sit there!
But then similarly if I told her to go to her room now she wouldn't either. She's always been very defiant!

jannier · 06/02/2023 21:13

Dyslexicwonder · 06/02/2023 20:34

Sorry I don't understand, I wouldn't leave a dysregulated child with another child. I think if a child has hit/spat at an adult that adult should absolutely withdraw their attention, but not leave the child in a position where they could hurt another child.

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But effectively walking away with no consequences says it's okay so they follow it on at school or with others. Yes you think you're withdrawing attention and it's all attention seeking, but it's often I want that toy chair etc so I'll try the same tactic at school.

Iam4eels · 06/02/2023 21:13

YouJustDoYou · 06/02/2023 20:49

Totally don't agree her methods are "outdated". As a very recent nursery worker, her simple methods worked absolutely fine. Kids can be utter shits these days exactlye because Western parents won't be firm anymore.

I work in education and I don't think kids these days are "utter shits". Quite the opposite really, the class I work with are lovely as is the rest of the school.

Maybe you're in the wrong line of work? No one who considers children to be shits has any business working with children.

JML001 · 06/02/2023 21:14

I got flamed for this on a previous thread but I have to say I used her back to bed technique and it worked an absolute dream for me.
Naughty step or time out or whatever it's called did frick all in my house though.

Probably best to take the tips and hints and go with what works for you.

jannier · 06/02/2023 21:14

Dyslexicwonder · 06/02/2023 20:44

Because you are not escalating the situation with backwards and forwards from the naughty step.We are talking about a 5 year old here, how many would really willfully destroy property ? My experience is that after they have overstepped the mark , they cry tell me they are sorry, then we have a hug and make up.

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You don't work with children do you? Especially after Covid many have no social boundaries and resort to violence

IheartBTS · 06/02/2023 21:17

Rosebel · 06/02/2023 15:24

We did follow the back to bed technique which worked really well and I also agree with telling a child the behaviour you expect from them when you leave the house but the rest of it is rubbish.

We also followed the back to bed routine, which worked a treat. All resolved in one night, thankfully (but what a long night it was 😳!)

blubberball · 06/02/2023 21:22

I always thought she was OK. Before the naughty step, it was smacking. I don't know what clear method parents follow now, but luckily mine are now of an age where I remove their screens and privileges if they're disrespectful.

I stopped breastfeeding as soon as they got teeth and bit me. Off to the tippy cup with you.

steppemum · 06/02/2023 21:27

While the full on super nanny naughty step didn't work for us, because they wouldn't stay, we did put them in another place at times.
When a 4, 5, 6 year old (not a toddler) is throwing a temper tantrum, won't let you near them and is FURIOUS over something, sometimes the best thing is to let them calm down. Often your presence just fuels the fire. So I used to say - you are very upset and angry right now and you need some time and need space to calm down, I am going to leave you here and when you are ready to talk, you can come to me, and then I would go into another room.

Then when the storm has blown itself out, you can talk/hug process what happened.

This is a I suppose similar to the naughty step, expect it is not about punishment. And my ds needed that space. So did dd2. If they stay with you it just keeps escalating, even if you are calm etc. Children in melt down can't make decisions, so they need to be allowed to get past the melt down.

Then you talk. And talking may (does) often involve consequences. You broke dd's toy, so one of your toys is going away too. Or you can give it to dd. Firm clear reinstating of boundaries. (no it is not OK to do that) Firm clear alternatives - when you are angry you can.... but you can't ... Verbalising emotions - you were upset because she was playing with your toy. I understand, and it is OK to be upset. But it is not OK to hit when you are upset. etc etc.

Snugglemonkey · 06/02/2023 21:41

Emmamoo89 · 06/02/2023 18:53

I got smacked and turned out alright. Don't have anything against my parents for doing it but obviously not going to do that.

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Did you turn out alright if you think that it was alright to be hit as a child? Sounds like Stockholm syndrome as a result of being a victim of domestic violence.

mikado1 · 06/02/2023 21:43

steppemum · 06/02/2023 21:27

While the full on super nanny naughty step didn't work for us, because they wouldn't stay, we did put them in another place at times.
When a 4, 5, 6 year old (not a toddler) is throwing a temper tantrum, won't let you near them and is FURIOUS over something, sometimes the best thing is to let them calm down. Often your presence just fuels the fire. So I used to say - you are very upset and angry right now and you need some time and need space to calm down, I am going to leave you here and when you are ready to talk, you can come to me, and then I would go into another room.

Then when the storm has blown itself out, you can talk/hug process what happened.

This is a I suppose similar to the naughty step, expect it is not about punishment. And my ds needed that space. So did dd2. If they stay with you it just keeps escalating, even if you are calm etc. Children in melt down can't make decisions, so they need to be allowed to get past the melt down.

Then you talk. And talking may (does) often involve consequences. You broke dd's toy, so one of your toys is going away too. Or you can give it to dd. Firm clear reinstating of boundaries. (no it is not OK to do that) Firm clear alternatives - when you are angry you can.... but you can't ... Verbalising emotions - you were upset because she was playing with your toy. I understand, and it is OK to be upset. But it is not OK to hit when you are upset. etc etc.

This is very different and more than fair and sensible.

Emmamoo89 · 06/02/2023 21:44

Snugglemonkey · 06/02/2023 21:41

Did you turn out alright if you think that it was alright to be hit as a child? Sounds like Stockholm syndrome as a result of being a victim of domestic violence.

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I obviously don't agree with it and never said it was okay. but I did turn out alright thanks. And people are just so quick to assume shit