H arrested for crashing car..over the limit. What happens

[user1471427614]

Husband has just phoned on his way to work to tell me hes crashed his car into a lamp post. He says police are there..hes ok..no one else involved. I tell him ilk phone work and let them know. In the time it takes to do that hes been breathised and blow 81 and has been arrested. I only know as the policeman answered the phone.

Husband has a problem with drink but only works two nights. I didnt know he was drinking while driving. He lost his licence for this when he was 17.

I've never been involved with the police. Does anyone know what might happen. They have taken him to the custody suite. When do they get realised is it mornings or could it be in the night. Does anyone know what might happen ie chargers. Points. Prison??? I've got no idea

We have 4 kids at home. He does the school run (walks). I'm guessing that I will have to do that tomorrow (at least and go to work late.

I'm sure your agree that I'm not be unreasonable to tell him that any drinking stops now.

Any advice or handheold would be appreciated I'm shaking and dont know what to do

Bit confused

my understanding is he will have a criminal record, quite rightly

and this will show on DBS checks.

And yes it is a fool’s errand trying to do it yourself.
How long has he been like this ?
Rock bottom is helpful for many, and that includes you separating sadly (you don’t have to make it definitive if you don’t wish to, but at least until he gets sober. The statistics aren’t great at all, but you’ll never know if you don’t give him a chance - him, there’s nothing more you can do)

Yes, it will show on DBS, but what is actually relayed depends on relevance, and for most DBS enquiries a drink driving conviction would be irrelevant and not disclosed.

I know you didn’t ask for sympathy op, but you did ask for a handhold so here is my hand.

Please have a look at the wonderful charity NACOA. They are a fabulous charity supporting children of alcoholics, and you will find a great deal of strength and support for your children with them. It will also help you.
nacoa.org.uk/support-advice/

Whilst this all feels like your life is in turmoil, focus on what you can control, like getting support for yourself and your children. 💐

I agree. You’re already stressing how you’re going to pay his fine.
You keep picking up the pieces. You need to stop.

@user1471427614 I meant to include this link from NACOA for your children

nacoa.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/Some-mums-and-dads-drink-too-much.pdf

spend some time looking around their website. 1 in 5 children are affected by their parents drinking so they are not alone.

It’s horrible isn’t it ? That you can only orient towards appropriate help and hope to God they end up on the favorable side of the statistics.

Thats actually why I chose to work with the younger category of children in care, it was too much for me to explain for the older ones.

Tbf though, the provision for care was horrendous for this ‘category’ for lack of a better word, it’s like society had given up on them and tbh they stood no chance. I still get so angry about the criteria for getting paid rehab

You have been sleepwalking through your own life. Your level of denial is staggering.

I have been very happily married for over 25 years and I would divorce my husband if he drove whilst drunk. I have lost several people I cared about to drink driving and there is NO excuse for it.

Set a good example for your kids and get rid of this scumbag.

I meant in my home country (Western European), haven’t been here ages.

But I’m still bitter for the lack of help, because some of those parents (yes, not a thousand) really did want damn help that they never got

No idea how it is here

So he’s an alcoholic cocklodger. You can’t save him from himself, and infact should not try. Rock bottom might be the wake up call he needs.

Sending you a gentle hug OP. Sorry this happened and hope you have support around you and be also gets the help he needs xx

OP, you have my sympathies (your DH doesn't for his drunk driving - being an alcoholic is obviously very tough, but no excuse for being behind the wheel).

Unfortunately, you need to move away from fixing him. That is on him. He needs to find a way to contribute more and give up the booze - whilst you love your husband and want him to get better for the sake of the kids you do need to consider what you are teaching them by putting up with this endlessly and selflessly. Being honest with yourself, is he actually a good dad at the moment?

Growing up with a depressed, anxious, alcoholic parent almost ruined my life. My other parent didn't kick them out until I was late teens. Damage done.

I agree there is no excuse but its not as easy as getting rid. He will undoubtedly get contact with his children, potentially 50/50 and the OP will have no control whatsoever if he drives with the children (once the ban expires).

This is why some women stay.

You can't fix him. Your priority needs to be your children. I understand he is depressed and anxious..I understand he has an addiction he needs help to overcome, but he needs to want that help and seek it himself. Referring addicts is pointless. You give them information, access to services and support but if they are not even willing to make that phone call themselves they are not going to stop. They are still making it someone else's problem. Having children with him is not a reason to stay. It is a reason to leave..

Your husband is an arse hole!
He could just as easily have crashed into another car and killed someone!
He’s put you and the kids in an awful position now, he will loose his driving licence, his name and penalty will be printed in the local paper, people will talk, if he looses his job he puts you into financial difficulties, if he keeps his job you’ll have to run him there and alter your hours to do so!
Your husband needs to admit he has a problem with alcohol and seek help… if you didn’t even know he’d had a drink then he’s got a real problem and hides it and drinks secretly.
like I say thank god he never hit someone else… I know he’s your husband but just think how you’d feel if a drink driver hit your car and one or more of your kids was killed or suffered life changing injuries…
you’ve got some decisions to make and I hope you have a good support network .. he’s an arse for putting you through this.

As to referring I personally meant cost wise, I don’t know if here like my country the system can be unfair, so I was wondering if there was an NHs system he could access via court, or if the only other option left after that would be crazy expensive private rehab

There are NHS addiction services which can be accessed through self referral. It includes detox support although inpatient beds/services for this are very limited

@DidyouNO
I don’t personally know anyone killed by a drunk driver - I’ve read news articles though and I completely agree - There is never an excuse, no amount of bad mental health gives you an excuse to potentially ruin someone else’s life through drunk driving.

There needs to be tougher laws, and there should be a 0 limit on alcohol while driving.

Just to add, when the driving ban expires he won't automatically get his licence back. He will need to then reapply and this process in itself could take 6-12 months. There will also be a medical involving a blood test to estimate the amount of alcohol drank in the past 6 or so weeks.

No advice but just to say I am sorry for you and your 4 children. I’d be leaving him/ asking him to leave if I didn’t see total sobriety, seeking help from GP and AA after this. Plus doing everything around the house whilst you do school run. Hand hold x

Just make sure the poor kids don't get behind the wheel of a car he is driving.

I don't understand, if he is such an alcoholic, you never smelled it on him?

Weird.

You need to stop enabling his behaviour and let him sort out this mess.

I am sorry that you are in this position but if you suspect he has an issue with alcohol and can effectively only work 2days, I don't understand why him getting a drink driving conviction would be a surprise to you?

Unless he takes some major steps to change, you need to step up and protect your children for accepting such shitty standards from relationship in their future.

Essentially, he has prioritised drinking over everything else that should be important in his life.

How do you feel knowing you have been placed so low on his list of what's important?

People saying he will just get a fine and a ban, this will depend on the full circumstances of the accident, he may face an additional charge of careless/reckless/dangerous diving OP does not yet know the details of the situation.
For example driving the wrong way down a one way Street , mounting a curb and hitting a lamp post is more significant than being pulled over and blowing over. Either way the fact that he's actually hit something aggravates things OP.
He still is highly unlikely to get custody, but may get probation, unpaid work (community service), RAR days maybe to address his alcohol misuse or cognitive/consequential thinking deficits, he won't meet the OGRs criteria for an accredited thinking skills programme. If he's honest about being alcohol dependent he might qualify for an Alcohol Treatment Requirement