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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

H arrested for crashing car..over the limit. What happens

264 replies

user1471427614 · 05/02/2023 22:53

Husband has just phoned on his way to work to tell me hes crashed his car into a lamp post. He says police are there..hes ok..no one else involved. I tell him ilk phone work and let them know. In the time it takes to do that hes been breathised and blow 81 and has been arrested. I only know as the policeman answered the phone.

Husband has a problem with drink but only works two nights. I didnt know he was drinking while driving. He lost his licence for this when he was 17.

I've never been involved with the police. Does anyone know what might happen. They have taken him to the custody suite. When do they get realised is it mornings or could it be in the night. Does anyone know what might happen ie chargers. Points. Prison??? I've got no idea

We have 4 kids at home. He does the school run (walks). I'm guessing that I will have to do that tomorrow (at least and go to work late.

I'm sure your agree that I'm not be unreasonable to tell him that any drinking stops now.

Any advice or handheold would be appreciated I'm shaking and dont know what to do

OP posts:
Clymene · 05/02/2023 23:25

user1471427614 · 05/02/2023 23:24

He does suffer from depression and anxiety.

Yeah that doesn't really excuse getting behind the wheel with a skinful

Mydogatemypurse · 05/02/2023 23:27

The crash damaging a lamp post also ups sentencing. He will get unpaid work, rehabilitation days, a ban and court costs.

Mydogatemypurse · 05/02/2023 23:27

Clymene · 05/02/2023 23:25

Yeah that doesn't really excuse getting behind the wheel with a skinful

Show quote history

It doesn't but it does impact on sentencing.

Original poster
user1471427614 · 05/02/2023 23:28

Clymene · 05/02/2023 23:25

Yeah that doesn't really excuse getting behind the wheel with a skinful

Show quote history

I didnt say it did. There is no excuse.

I was replying to a pp how meantion rehab and other conditions.

Right now I'm just trying to figure out tomorrow

OP posts:
Exibstudent · 05/02/2023 23:28

Yes he will have criminal record. He may,at that reading and with an accident involved, get a community order. The ban is likely to be closer to 20 months than 12, unless his reading at the station is much lower.
Absolutely awful situation for you.

RandomMess · 05/02/2023 23:28

I know someone who served time in prison for this and no he didn't kill anyone.

hellobethyname · 05/02/2023 23:28

OntarioBagnet · 05/02/2023 23:25

They won’t interview him until he’s sober, so he will sleep it off. Then be interviewed. He will lose his licence for a minimum of a year. The insurance won’t pay for any damage to the car. He will get a fine or possible community service as well.

Heat not need an interview - if he admits driving or police saw him driving .

Opl is an absolute offence where interview doesn't matter or is relevant. They'd only interview if he said someone else was driving or police hadn't seen him .

Mydogatemypurse · 05/02/2023 23:32

user1471427614 · 05/02/2023 23:28

I didnt say it did. There is no excuse.

I was replying to a pp how meantion rehab and other conditions.

Right now I'm just trying to figure out tomorrow

Show quote history

Just breathe. Its a horrible situation but thank god no one was hurt. He will be released and given a date for court you can contact a solictor, use the duty solicitor or go unrepresented.
He will be found guilty, then ajourned to be interviewed by a Probation officer who will speak about the offence and whats going on in his life. They will make an assesment of his risk of harm, reoffending and needs. The probation officer will then recommend a sentence to the court. He will be given another date and be sentenced when the Probation report is completed.

Original poster
user1471427614 · 05/02/2023 23:33

Thank you to everyone for the information.

As we are married I'm assuming I will be responsible for the fine. Does it have to paid in one go or is there a payment plan.

Again I know hes an idiot with no excuses. This will be made clear to him...whenever hes back. Big changes needed or he will have to leave. I'm just trying to figure out what i need to deal with

OP posts:
Ericaequites · 05/02/2023 23:33

You didn’t cause his drinking, you can’t control it, and you can’t change it. He has to want to change in order to stop drinking. Could you try an Al- Anon meeting in person or virtually? These meetings are for spouses, family members, and friends of alcoholics. Finding support may help. You are not alone in this situation.

Mydogatemypurse · 05/02/2023 23:34

user1471427614 · 05/02/2023 23:33

Thank you to everyone for the information.

As we are married I'm assuming I will be responsible for the fine. Does it have to paid in one go or is there a payment plan.

Again I know hes an idiot with no excuses. This will be made clear to him...whenever hes back. Big changes needed or he will have to leave. I'm just trying to figure out what i need to deal with

If you cant pay it in one go you fill in a form and make an offer to the court... say £20 a month, based on income. He is responsible to pay it. He will get a lower fine, if at all if he is given unpaid work. Just court costs which is about £280

FlappyFish · 05/02/2023 23:34

Fine is paid immediately after sentencing. Based on income. Not sure on payment plan.

Mydogatemypurse · 05/02/2023 23:35

FlappyFish · 05/02/2023 23:34

Fine is paid immediately after sentencing. Based on income. Not sure on payment plan.

It is not

Johnisafckface · 05/02/2023 23:35

Thank god he didn’t kill anyone

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 05/02/2023 23:36

user1471427614 · 05/02/2023 23:33

Thank you to everyone for the information.

As we are married I'm assuming I will be responsible for the fine. Does it have to paid in one go or is there a payment plan.

Again I know hes an idiot with no excuses. This will be made clear to him...whenever hes back. Big changes needed or he will have to leave. I'm just trying to figure out what i need to deal with

They can't plunge you into penury just to pay the fine, so it'll be paid in instalments at a rate they calculate you can afford.

Fees for the course they send you on to reduce the ban are usually paid up front in a lump sum though.

Original poster
user1471427614 · 05/02/2023 23:36

Ericaequites · 05/02/2023 23:33

You didn’t cause his drinking, you can’t control it, and you can’t change it. He has to want to change in order to stop drinking. Could you try an Al- Anon meeting in person or virtually? These meetings are for spouses, family members, and friends of alcoholics. Finding support may help. You are not alone in this situation.

Thank you. I just feel pissed off and helpless. I would never do such a thing and am pussed off I have to learn about this and deal with it.

OP posts:
HellyR · 05/02/2023 23:37

Obviously he will have to pay out himself for damage done to the car, lamp post if necessary, anything else. Insurance is invalid. So there's that financial loss too.

Just be grateful he didn't kill or maim anyone. Selfish man putting others' lives at risk.

Original poster
user1471427614 · 05/02/2023 23:39

FlappyFish · 05/02/2023 23:34

Fine is paid immediately after sentencing. Based on income. Not sure on payment plan.

He only works two shifts. Has no savings. Spends the weekly wage.

I dont have it as I pay all the Bill's. I'm sure something will be sorted. They cant take it if it not there but i will ensure it does get paid

OP posts:
FlappyFish · 05/02/2023 23:39

Mydogatemypurse · 05/02/2023 23:35

It is not

Show quote history

It was and I’m speaking from experience. Hence why I said I don’t know on payment plan as I didn’t enquire and wanted it over. And yes, I have been sober since that incident.

thisisasurvivor · 05/02/2023 23:40

Shit situation

Sorry you have to go through this op

What an idiot

Hopefully he can now get the help he needs

ErinAndTonic · 05/02/2023 23:42

I'm sorry you're getting a bit of a negative reaction as none of this is your fault. It sounds like you're the one providing here, so I'd really weigh up the leave/stay options. You don't need a man child, you need a responsible adult partner or no partner.

Hope you are okay, it must have been a terrible shock.

orangegato · 05/02/2023 23:45

He’ll have to pay for lamp post too as his insurance sure as shit won’t. Rightly so.

Glasse · 05/02/2023 23:45

my Partner did the same thing two weeks ago and was in court this week ,he got £200 fine 100 hours community service and 18 month ban , he had no previous convictions,he is very remorseful,his mental health is not good as his dad died a month ago so they did take that into account . He paid the fine in full at the court

FlappyFish · 05/02/2023 23:48

OP. I have been in your husband’s position. Tomorrow when he gets home I suspect he will be full of shame and remorse.

It is what you do from here and what he chooses to do. I was banned 14 months. My insurance when I drove again was nearly three times.

However, that incident was also the catalyst that changed my life. I committed properly to AA. I went to rehab.

The court date does come quickly. Mine was delayed by my inpatient stay. (I say rehab. It was psych hospital inpatient for 7 weeks).

What you will need is action from him and not words. Please be kind to yourself tonight. I can’t imagine what it is like to be on the other side of it.

piedbeauty · 05/02/2023 23:50

Op, I sympathise.

If your h only works two nights, and pays less than half of the bills, what is he adding to your life?

Don't feel that you have to stay with him. You are entitled to a man who is your equal, who pays half the bills, who makes your life easier.

Don't feel you have to stay with this one.

wishing you all the best

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