Upset my NCT group

[Wellybobs0]

Name change so outing and I know they occasionally come on here

group of 6 mums on a group chat, we all did nct together but only a few have continued to meet up due to work commitments etc. Our toddlers are now 17 months, and my little girl has only been walking since 15 months. I posted on the what’s app if anyone else’s child is struggling to walk in wellies as it’s so muddy but she just falls over.

A few replied. A few days later one of them messaged to say they think I’d been insensitive considering one of the children in the group had recently been a paediatrician due to delayed milestones (not walking at 17 months and not cruising apparently)

Apparently the mum is really upset with me for being insensitive. I didn’t even know!

AIBU to think this is so silly and petty? We only chat on their now and again about random things really, we never share personal info

Tbh I don’t even get why the nct mum with the toddler who doesn’t walk is “offended”. I mean, maybe she read it and felt a quick pang of anxiety, or maybe she read it and thought “I wish my only worry was my kid finding wellies hard”. But offended?! By a completely standard question by someone she isn’t friends with and hasn’t seen for a year? Offended to me means feeling insulted by someone or something. This was not an insult, intentional or accidental. I don’t think you need to apologise OP!!

@ClearMoth - good for you. Bless your heart.

That's ridiculous. One of my kids didn't walk until 18 months. I wouldn't have been bothered.

It's not petty if she did know (she didn't), have some empathy ffs. It's true the mum will, but she shouldn't need to worry about her own friends making her feel bad

NO ONE has ‘made’ her feel bad but herself.

I wouldn’t tread on egg shells around someone’s ridiculous complex-by-proxy.

Not in this case as OP didn't know, but it's just seems unnecessary to intentionally make someone feel bad, especially a new mum whis just worried about their child

It must be exhausting walking on egg shells in case you offend someone over something they haven't got or in your case experienced that milestone. If I was that sensitive over things like my toddler not walking and take offence from someone asking recommendation about wellies, then I'd be the one removing myself from the group if I can't cope instead of projecting my anxieties on people creating drama. Good for you op, life is too short. Don't ever apologise to anyone for something you haven't done wrong! Your logic and conscience will guide you anyway and never let anyone manipulate you for something you haven't done wrong in.

🤣
People get so het up comparing.

''Comparison is the thief of joy''

@Wellybobs0 You did nothing wrong. kids learn to walk at different ages and stages.
Heck, a little baby 'alarmed' my young dog by getting ups and tottering after her!
Even I was surprised at the speed of the baby on two feet.
Just don't say your daughter is going to be doing ''Sponsored toddles'' though!

The dad let go of the baby's hand,and off she went! {Pic to prove it happened}

She did apologise. She is kind and worried she did something wrong. Which she didn't.

The two mums who said she was insensitive, weren't kind. I'm not sure it came from a great place with the mum with the child who is a late walker either (in fact I would say self indulgence at best and social bullying at worst. Whatever it is it, any 'unkindness" is flowing one way.

Why is it always always the unkindest people who wield that accusation like a weapon.

How absurd.

I’m lost now - who has made someone feel bad?

Well done for leaving the group. I hope you didn't validate their ridiculousness by appologising.

DS threw plenty of curveballs in from babyhood, from birth, then CMPA and other food allergies, then being on the slow side for many milestones, emphisised by being at the younger end of the group. I hated the phrase "they're either walkers or talkers" because he was neither. He has ASD, dyspraxia and dyslexia so there are life long differences and taking the more complex "scenic" route to do things.

However I have never had the right to berate, censor or police other mums talking about their babies/ children's milestones or ask relevant questions related to them, and I would not be a happier or better person for it.

Parenting a child with SNs is hard enough without alienating everyone else at the first hurdle.

Not the point of the thread but I'm confused as to why a few PP have assumed you can't make actual friends with people in your NCT group.

Surely it's no different to meeting other people in walks of life (work, clubs, etc) and establishing then nurturing relationships the ones you get along well with?

Absolutely this…l

The other mums behaviour is ridiculous. I see you have left the group chat, and I don’t blame you. It sounds like these women need to grow up…

What is the point of the group if not to ask questions and share information about your babies - its why you are there?!?

My daughter wasn't walking at that age, she was over 20 months! I wouldn't have thought you were being insensitive though, most kids are walking by then. I'd probably have just replied saying no DD still not walking at all nevermind in wellies!

I think you are being facetious. I’m on lots of mums groups, and we somehow manage it just fine. Of course we talk about our babies, ask advice on various topics etc, but there’s also a level of sensitivity, for example one mums tot was delayed developmentally , so another mum didn’t share on the group chat when he tot started walking 10 months- just chatted one on one or in person to mums she knew weren’t struggling with that.
In this case the OP didn’t know so she did nothing wrong, but it stung the other mum, so no harm in sending a pm to say, sorry and she didn’t know to make her feel better (without the bit where she said she didn’t nothing wrong 🤦🏼‍♀️)

Of course everyone found out that she was walking, because we are all friends and meet, so not like it was hidden, but the point was it wasn’t made a big deal of- unnecessarily drawn attention to- so the other mum didn’t feel hurt. Of course it was a milestone parents of 10-monther wanted to celebrate , but they did it with family and others.
Again in this case OP didn’t know the circumstances, so it’s not her fault, (but perhaps other mums thought she did/ might know). another mum pointed it out to her, and instead of just saying oh sorry I didn’t know! She sent an aggressive message to struggling mum and flounced off the group chat! To me it is v clearly OP being immature.

Op didn't "make a big deal" of her child walking, she asked a perfectly normal question about falling over in wellies.

@Tandora she didn't send an 'aggressive' message or 'flounce' anywhere. She sent an apology message (which she didn't have to do - granted she didn't have to say she didn't think she'd done anything wrong, but she hadn't) and left the group.

Mums can be anxious about a number of things related to their baby. Feeding, sleeping, physical development, cognitive development, social development, even their appearance. Are you suggesting that all of these topics should be out of bounds - in a group brought together by a mutual interest in how to raise their babies - in case someone might be offended?

Will you expect other parents not to celebrate their kid's exam results if your child turns out to be a bit dimmer than the rest?
You sound the type.
There's not a reason in the world to keep the fact that your 10 month old has started walking secret in case the mother of another 10 month old finds it hurtful.

17m not walking really isn't that late. Mine walked at 21 and 24m, almost no cruising/weight bearing as they bum shuffled. I'm surprised they got a paeds appointment that quickly!

Lol well it that case you sound like the type to brag about everything little jimmy does to all and sundry with no awareness that nobody else cares/ wants to hear it.

if you read my posts I made it very clear it wasn’t a secret - she just didn’t brag/ draw attention to it/ announce it on the group chat/ make a big deal of the event, with that particular group of mums, because she knew there was another mum who was struggling.
This wasn’t me, it was a friend. I personally thought it was classy and thoughtful of her. I’m glad these are my friends in real life and not the unpleasant people on this thread , pouring scorn on the anxieties of a first time mum , with a tot who’s delayed.

Her message was aggressive because she wrote to her to say she’d done nothing wrong. Much worse than saying nothing at all. Completely unnecessary behaviour. If she couldn’t find it within herself to empathise with the other mum’s situation she should have just left it- “if you can’t say nothing nice, don’t say nothing at all.”
If she wanted to leave the group chat graciously she could have sent a friendly message making her excuses- any number of possibilities and I’ve been on groups where people have done so- and then left. I maintain she sent an aggressive message to struggling mum and flounced.

Lol well it that case you sound like the type to brag about everything little jimmy does to all and sundry with no awareness that nobody else cares/ wants to hear it
No . I just don't take offence at other people discussing perfectly innocuous things. It's not difficult to understand.