Upset my NCT group

[Wellybobs0]

Name change so outing and I know they occasionally come on here

group of 6 mums on a group chat, we all did nct together but only a few have continued to meet up due to work commitments etc. Our toddlers are now 17 months, and my little girl has only been walking since 15 months. I posted on the what’s app if anyone else’s child is struggling to walk in wellies as it’s so muddy but she just falls over.

A few replied. A few days later one of them messaged to say they think I’d been insensitive considering one of the children in the group had recently been a paediatrician due to delayed milestones (not walking at 17 months and not cruising apparently)

Apparently the mum is really upset with me for being insensitive. I didn’t even know!

AIBU to think this is so silly and petty? We only chat on their now and again about random things really, we never share personal info

@Tandora

How can you think the OP is being unreasonable? She asked advice on wellies for fuck sake. She's absolutely not picking a fight, she's been a lot nicer than I'd have been.

Get a grip

Of course she's being ridiculous. You were talking about your own child and she made it all about hers. Some people just live in their own little world and choose to see perceived slights everywhere. Ignore her and don't apologise.

I think you were being dramatic to leave over it. She may feel embarrassed by it now on top of feeling upset about her baby so is being defensive. I think a gradual withdrawal from the group rather than slamming the door on your way out (sorry, I don't actually know how you went about it, may be somewhere in the middle) is wisest.

@tornadoinsideoutfig

I just left, maybe I jumped the gun but I was egged on by people on here 😅

She picked a fight by texting the mum that she didn’t do anything wrong! It was completely unnecessary. Mum hadn’t messaged her or said anything to her. All her info was through a third party. If she didn’t want to be gracious about it she shouldn’t have messaged at all. Totally unnecessary.

@Wellybobs0 I wouldn't worry about it.

If I found out that people I was in a WhatsApp group with were talking about me behind my back I would leave it too.

@Tandora The upset mum messaged me herself basically repeating what the other mum had previously said, which I didn’t reply to at the time. I then replied back with the message above. They had obviously been discussing it behind my back and for both of them to message me was totally unnecessary

@Tandora but she didn't do anything wrong so why shouldn't she say that? Should she just apologise and let people speak to her like shit over a harmless question?

Starting to think you might be the other mum by your dedication in trying to prove the op wrong

That’s not apologising for upsetting her though- it’s telling her off.

You could have just said, “so sorry if my message upset you, I had no idea that ds wasn’t walking yet” then added something like “I hope you are doing ok, it sounds stressful..” Drama would have been over, friend who’s going through a difficult time would have felt supported and no one would have continued to think you were unreasonable as they would have understood you had no idea.

You could have been gracious.
Instead you chose to pick a fight.

OP ignore tandora, no one else thinks you're being unreasonable

Because it’s gracious to apologise when you hurt someone; even if it’s unintentional and therefore not your fault. It’s especially gracious to do so when that person is a friend and you have been made aware that they are going through a hard time.

@Tandora I think she should apologise to op for being so pathetic and for talking about behind her back instead of just letting her know she was upset herself. Op has done the right thing distancing herself from them.

No, it's not normal to prostrate yourself before every person who takes offence at a complete non event that you were unaware even happened.
Most people with healthy self esteem do not do this.

@Tandora I did apologise, sorry that it wasn’t upto your standards 🙄

Because it’s gracious to apologise when you hurt someone

That's nonsense. It is not the responsibility of people to apologise for other people getting hurt and offended over stuff that isn't hurtful, or offensive, or even directed at them. There are some women who can't have children. Are other people supposed to apologise to them for mentioning their own children in front of them in a group setting? That's the level of ridiculousness this is.

You really didn’t. There are many posters who have said the same, even people who generally agree with you. If you genuinely think that’s an apology you have some work to do in your social skills.

“A true apology does not include the word “but” (“I'm sorry, but …”). “But” automatically cancels out an apology, and nearly always introduces a criticism or excuse. A true apology keeps the focus on your actions—and not on the other person's response.”

pcdcounseling.com/9-rules-true-apologies/

@Tandora

we’ll agree to disagree

If she didn’t want to apologise then she should have said nothing. Rather than texting her and picking a fight,

@Tandora Oh just stop will you. You sound crazy

Calling me names doesn’t improve your perspective.

The woman text her first, after talking about her behind her back to someone else who also messaged the OP to berate her. She's lucky she even got a "I'm sorry, but..." Those other women are the ones who started it.

@tandora either you're the other mum, or your child has a developmental delay and this has hit a nerve because you are being SO unreasonable

I don’t think other woman did text her first- unless I have misunderstood.

@Tandora

I don’t have a child with a developmental delay , I’m just capable of basic levels of empathy.