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AIBU?

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Original poster

Been caught at it by the kids

366 replies

EmpressOfTheSofa · 04/02/2023 16:11

How the ever loving fuck do I live this down?

Middle child, 19, has just let herself not only into the house but into our room with three friends in tow.

We were in bed. It’s a very very rare Saturday that I’m not at work and the youngest is out. So obviously we made the most of it.

We heard her key in the door (she was at work until midnight as far as we knew), scrambled, but then she flung our bedroom door open to find us in a state of trying to throw clothes on. Two lads and another girl right behind her on the landing. She was looking for my straighteners to borrow. She thought we were out.

I’m fucking furious as well as embarrassed. But what the fuck. How do I deal with this? Is it our fault for not always expecting her home? Hers for having zero boundaries?

who is at fault here? And how should I approach this?

OP posts:
Rightsraptor · 04/02/2023 17:15

Oh wow, I have just seen that your adult daughter called you (or your actions?) 'gross & embarrassing'.

That is so out of order, OP, you need to talk to her and stop this childish nonsense.

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/02/2023 17:17

JudgeRinderonTinder · 04/02/2023 16:17

Wtf was she doing bringing other people up your stairs and into your bedroom? That is your private space, it’s one thing being your DD (and bad enough in the circs) but her mates are a different thing entirely. This is what I’d be most furious about! There’s no need for them to be anywhere near your bedroom!

THIS!

Her entering your room is bad manners - to bring friends up (they didn't all need to be looking for your straighteners) is appalling!

mackthepony · 04/02/2023 17:17

Gross and embarrassing??!

She needs to grow up

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 04/02/2023 17:18

Your last post made me feel angry on your behalf. I think I know which one of you is gross and embarrassing, and it isn't you. She is 19, not 9 - how dare she just swan into your room and then blame you. You were in private in your own bedroom and she invaded your space and she doesn't even apologise? WTF?

I would tell her "You see, THIS is why I don't want you to come into my bedroom - so in future keep yourself and your brattish opinions out of my room and away from my stuff."

UWhatNow · 04/02/2023 17:18

Rightsraptor · 04/02/2023 17:15

Oh wow, I have just seen that your adult daughter called you (or your actions?) 'gross & embarrassing'.

That is so out of order, OP, you need to talk to her and stop this childish nonsense.

What? And make it worse? Parental sex is gross and embarrassing when you’re a teenager. Everyone just needs to calm down and stop being dramatic. It happened. So what? Just get over it.

Butchyrestingface · 04/02/2023 17:18

On the bright side, she:

1). will never do that again
2). won't be one of those kids who refuses to move out until they're 45
3). probably won't be bringing any mates round again

#Result

bumblefeline · 04/02/2023 17:18

You are not embarrassing or gross. If my dd spoke to me like that she would be packing her bags.

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/02/2023 17:18

Style it out. It’s fine.

You are adults and so is she. If it makes it easier it is your job to act like it’s fine so she realises it is. She had just had frontline proof older people have sex and privacy is to be respected. She should not be bringing friends into your bedroom full stop, but given everyone is going to be embarrassed, I’d give getting really cross a pass.

Her friends probably have parents are are divorced / at war, she is lucky not to.

But yes, go get a sex bolt. Did you not have one when they were little?

Italiangreyhound · 04/02/2023 17:19

She was in the wrong. She will be very embarrassed.

I would just tell her to knock in future, she will!

It's no big deal, I am sure she knows you have sex.

dapsnotplimsolls · 04/02/2023 17:20

I'm just waiting for someone to change their username to 'sex bolt' ...

LuckySantangelo35 · 04/02/2023 17:21

She called you gross and embarrassing?!

id be telling her to move out.

she’s old enough

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/02/2023 17:21

Oh sorry I only just read the gross and embarrassing comment.

She is bang out of order there, so tell her so, but keep it mind she was shocked and embarrassed in front of her mates - unless she was generally a cow she didn’t mean it.

However if she’s not good at respecting your space, get a lock.

Do not prove her right by being embarrassed. Be happy with yourself

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 04/02/2023 17:26

To be honest I think it's worse when you see you have a cat watching...🙀

rainyskylight · 04/02/2023 17:27

She owes you two apologies.

first, that it happened. It is entirely her fault, and a horrible invasion of privacy that shows no respect for your space.

second, for saying you were gross and embarrassing.

Honestly she should be ashamed of herself.

This is not your fault OP, but it is your responsibility here to stand up for yourself.

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 04/02/2023 17:29

it is absolutely not ok for her to bring her friends into your bedroom. It is I would argue not ok for her to go into your personal space without permission or invitation.

It is genuinely appalling for her to bring her friends into your bedroom without any kind of check as to whether you'd left anything embarrassing out. Don't apologise, explain that any and all people she shares accommodation with will expect her to understand the concept of personal space.

sexbolt · 04/02/2023 17:29

Door wedges are easier than sexbolts!

Also, size matters, nobody wants their kid's friends to see a small penis beaker.

Roundabout78 · 04/02/2023 17:30

Gross and embarrassing! How does she think she got here?
she is being unreasonable and fucking childish to boot. I would read her the riot act for 1) bursting into your room with friends in tow and 2) having the bloody cheek to speak to you like that! Don’t accept her being so disrespectful, op.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 04/02/2023 17:32

TBH I’d be cross with her for bringing random people into my bedroom anyway, or evidently intending to.
Regardless of what I might have been doing in there. Parents’ bedrooms are out of bounds to anyone but family.

Though I’d never have had this problem with dd1 - until she was about 25 she bloody NEVER remembered to take a front door key.

mydogissexierthanme77 · 04/02/2023 17:33

Before I put a lock in my bedroom door my cocker spaniel used to sneak into the room whilst my then partner and I were busy and peer over his shoulder and stare at me. I guess the 19 year olds made a swifter exit..😂

Soubriquet · 04/02/2023 17:36

She thought we were out. I’d usually be at work and DH out with his brother so car on the drive anyway

So was the car on the driveway? Cos then it’s totally her fault.

Or were you having alone time?

Either way, I’d like to say she learned her lesson but I doubt it. Don’t let her humiliate you. It’s perfectly normal for adults to have sex. Even parents!

user1501270679 · 04/02/2023 17:37

You shouldn't have lied. There was even an argument for you staying in bed and carrying on fucking and asking her to leave and close the door behind her if she barged in.

Have you had a chat about sex in the house? I presume she can bring people back?

My friend's Dad would sit his offspring (and GFs and BFs) down and tell them 'Look, we don't mind what you do in bed, as long as you aren't louder than us!'

I think a similar chat might be in order here... And I wouldn't put up with any sex shaming coming from my own child either.

Bonbon21 · 04/02/2023 17:39

I would be calm, serene and glowing!
She will knock on closed doors in future.
And hopefully grateful that she has parents who still fancy each other!!

SpaceMonitor · 04/02/2023 17:39

JudgeRinderonTinder · 04/02/2023 16:17

Wtf was she doing bringing other people up your stairs and into your bedroom? That is your private space, it’s one thing being your DD (and bad enough in the circs) but her mates are a different thing entirely. This is what I’d be most furious about! There’s no need for them to be anywhere near your bedroom!

Completely agree with this.

Soubriquet · 04/02/2023 17:39

user1501270679 · 04/02/2023 17:37

You shouldn't have lied. There was even an argument for you staying in bed and carrying on fucking and asking her to leave and close the door behind her if she barged in.

Have you had a chat about sex in the house? I presume she can bring people back?

My friend's Dad would sit his offspring (and GFs and BFs) down and tell them 'Look, we don't mind what you do in bed, as long as you aren't louder than us!'

I think a similar chat might be in order here... And I wouldn't put up with any sex shaming coming from my own child either.

I remember my sister coming to me absolutely mortified.

Her friend was having a sleep over with her, and my mum and dad were a bit frisky that night.

They heard everything.

She must have been around 12.

I’m deaf, so never heard a thing Grin

SpringtimeCherries · 04/02/2023 17:42

You definitely shouldn’t blame her, she will be embarrassed as well - most teenagers do not ever want to think of their parents having sex! Just shrug it off and light heartedly say ‘knock before hand, right’ - and make sure you knock before entering her room as well.

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