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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Been caught at it by the kids

366 replies

EmpressOfTheSofa · 04/02/2023 16:11

How the ever loving fuck do I live this down?

Middle child, 19, has just let herself not only into the house but into our room with three friends in tow.

We were in bed. It’s a very very rare Saturday that I’m not at work and the youngest is out. So obviously we made the most of it.

We heard her key in the door (she was at work until midnight as far as we knew), scrambled, but then she flung our bedroom door open to find us in a state of trying to throw clothes on. Two lads and another girl right behind her on the landing. She was looking for my straighteners to borrow. She thought we were out.

I’m fucking furious as well as embarrassed. But what the fuck. How do I deal with this? Is it our fault for not always expecting her home? Hers for having zero boundaries?

who is at fault here? And how should I approach this?

OP posts:
AnnieSnap · 05/02/2023 23:33

LuckySantangelo35 · 05/02/2023 20:45

@Tigermummy123321

shes at fault cos she shouldn’t just be barging into her mothers room whenever she feels like it and stealing her stuff. She’s at fault cos she has no respect.

Show quote history

Stealing her stuff? Really? She was borrowing something. That sort of behaviour can sometimes be annoying in our kids, but it isn’t stealing or the sign of a bad kid 🙄

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/02/2023 23:46

This reply has been hidden

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

LeaveIt · 05/02/2023 23:49

MrsJBaptiste · 05/02/2023 23:11

Does anybody in RL actually have a lock on their bedroom door? 😂
Nobody I know anyway 🙄

Yep, I do, on the inside only though.

Original poster
EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/02/2023 23:51

I’ve just written a post that has been hidden as soon as I posted it. What’s that about?

I have a solid 20 year posting history available for MNHQ to check. Not a ‘Herbert’ or a troll.

OP posts:
SouperNoodle · 05/02/2023 23:53

As soon as my eldest learned to open doors we put a lock on our bedroom for this very reason 😂
I doubt your dd will be barging in again after this so maybe it's a blessing in disguise?
But seriously, put a lock on your door!

Stardu · 05/02/2023 23:59

Oh, who hasn’t been caught by their kid.

You’re all being over dramatic. Tell her she ruined a perfectly good shag and that she shouldn’t have been in your room and certainly shouldn’t have had friends looking into your room. If she thought you were out then at least knocking would have been a good idea.

It’s weird you use the words ‘gross and disgusting’ is that what your teen said? She needs to sort out her attitude.

Suggest you get a lock for your door.

Stewball01 · 06/02/2023 00:09

No need to do anything but pull her up about bringing friends into your bedroom. Yes and put a lock on your door.

Hawkins002 · 06/02/2023 00:22

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/02/2023 22:09

Pretty much felt like that! It was seconds between hearing the front door bang open, us scrambling to be dressed and her knocking ‘hello’ and barging into our bedroom.

We scrambled to get dressed because on a level I knew she was likely to barge in. She’d popped in to ‘borrow’ something, this is her MO. She’s rarely home otherwise.

Show quote history

Seems like you need motion sensors or proximity alarms, in the grounds or bolts on the doors

Stewball01 · 06/02/2023 00:36

Really? This was just put on?
When my dc were young, 10 and 13, they're now in their 50's, they'd gone to the cinema on Saturday am. Not expecting them back for a
few hours we got going. Suddenly they came back 😳, we quickly got under the duvet. Dd, 10, came in, the door was open, to ask a question. She stopped. Looked at me. Moved the duvet and saw I was naked. First puzzled then it dawned on her and she raced out, said something to ds, 13, and they quickly left. Never referred to.
When I lived at home and was late teens early 20's, I locked my parents out presuming they were in bed. They weren't so we started notes. Parents in/out, John same and Jane same. It worked.

TaysideTeuchter · 06/02/2023 00:50

EarringsandLipstick · 04/02/2023 18:14

Oh mate. We were far from under the duvet.

I love this line 😂😂😂

That’s an early contender for post of the year, that one….😂

Mamanyt · 06/02/2023 00:57

LOL, my son did that to me...ONCE! When he said something about it much later, I replied, "Well, how the HELL did you think you got here?" and laughed. He never failed to knock on a door again. I, however, did NOT jump out of bed and try to dress, just moved so that we were not on the same side of the bed, and both covered.

lifeinthehills · 06/02/2023 01:05

So your adult daughter realises her parents have sex and caught them at a time it was happening (not even in the act since you were getting dressed). Big deal. She knows people have sex.

What is the issue is that she didn't knock and saw fit to just walk into your room with no consideration of your privacy. I'd address some boundaries but also get a lock on the door for your own peace of mind.

bringincrazyback · 06/02/2023 01:54

Oh, who hasn’t been caught by their kid.

Erm... quite a lot of us, I suspect!

Pommie69 · 06/02/2023 02:47

She shd try her parents not being into each other & see how miserable that makes her feel. If its so gross & disgusting to her, there is one very simple way out of that! Behave with a bit of decorum about other people's bedroom. It is perfectly normal, so dont let her put that on you. She's a teen, what do they know about sex? I hope for her sake you throw off that feeling because like it or not she will be internalising her attitudes from you.

Bluetree89 · 06/02/2023 05:20

Buy her a straightener for her next birthday then she will have no need to borrow yours, problem solved!

I would just laugh it off 😊

ohsotired2022 · 06/02/2023 05:47

My now 23 year old DD used to be like this.
We put a lock on our bedroom door.

She now doesn't live at home which is obviously better but when she does stay she goes straight back into ten she mode.

ohsotired2022 · 06/02/2023 05:47

"Into teenage mode"

Fanofbrianbilston · 06/02/2023 06:58

thank fuck her friends weren’t filming each other at the time, who needs Big Brother when you have kids with smartphones and social media. YANBU.
She shouldn’t be bringing her friends into your room when she thinks you’re out. Must have been a good shag not hearing them walking up the stairs.

EmbracingTheEyeBags · 06/02/2023 08:06

Sorry OP, I feel your embarrassment but this thread has made me smile this morning 😆

THEDEACON · 06/02/2023 08:46

You are adults in your own bed in your own room having sex Your mistake was scrabbling about putting clothes on you should just have covered yourself under bedclothes You need to address daughter's lack of boundaries though Why are you so embarrassed that's her job

KimberleyClark · 06/02/2023 08:57

AnnieSnap · 05/02/2023 23:33

Stealing her stuff? Really? She was borrowing something. That sort of behaviour can sometimes be annoying in our kids, but it isn’t stealing or the sign of a bad kid 🙄

Show quote history

Taking a £70 moisturiser and going through it in two days is certainly a sign of something, wouldn’t you say?

Intrepidescape · 06/02/2023 10:06

Put a lock on your bedroom door. Also, what is she doing with friends over to your house?

I would never have done this at her age.

Also, she needs her own set of straighteners.

1stjjohnnymac · 06/02/2023 10:38

On her own wouldn't be a problem but no way should she be bringing people you don't know into your bedroom, hers maybe which is where they should have waited, downstairs even better 🤷‍♂️

LuckySantangelo35 · 06/02/2023 11:39

1stjjohnnymac · 06/02/2023 10:38

On her own wouldn't be a problem but no way should she be bringing people you don't know into your bedroom, hers maybe which is where they should have waited, downstairs even better 🤷‍♂️

@1stjjohnnymac

on her own would actually be a problem for lots of people

it’s OP’s room, not hers! She has her own stuff no need to go in her mums room

can’t you have anything just for yourself when you’re a mother?!

CelestiaNoctis · 06/02/2023 11:46

Well, who raised her. You make it sound like someone else taught her to be rude and disrespectful and insulting. Did you adopt her from an older age?