Been caught at it by the kids

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

How the ever loving fuck do I live this down?

Middle child, 19, has just let herself not only into the house but into our room with three friends in tow.

We were in bed. It’s a very very rare Saturday that I’m not at work and the youngest is out. So obviously we made the most of it.

We heard her key in the door (she was at work until midnight as far as we knew), scrambled, but then she flung our bedroom door open to find us in a state of trying to throw clothes on. Two lads and another girl right behind her on the landing. She was looking for my straighteners to borrow. She thought we were out.

I’m fucking furious as well as embarrassed. But what the fuck. How do I deal with this? Is it our fault for not always expecting her home? Hers for having zero boundaries?

who is at fault here? And how should I approach this?

Even if I thought my parents were out I would still have shouted to alert them to my presence which gives them the opportunity to shout back. I also would never have followed someone upstairs to their parents' bedroom, I would have waited downstairs.

She has learned a valuable lesson herself, firstly, never assume a house is empty and secondly, if a door is shut you knock first just in case the occupants are stark naked, uncovered, asleep on the bed and haven't heard you come in.

She was definitely wrong for bringing friends to your room. Even from a young age, friends are not allowed in parents' bedroom.

And she should have knocked of course, but it depends if she really had every reason to think you were out and you generally keep that door shut anyway I can see why she didn't. In our house doors aren't generally shut unless someone is in the bedroom, so it would have been more obvious.
But I'm sure she'll always knock in future after this! I wouldn't mention it beyond the issue about bringing friends to my room. There's no further explanation necessary, this isn't a younger child who might have seen something that really confused them.

I don’t think it’s acceptable that she brought friends into your bedroom. Her popping in, maybe. But she clearly doesn’t respect that as your space at all.

I don’t think it sounds like the friends were actually in the bedroom, just in the hallway behind the bedroom? I don’t think that’s odd - my friends often came upstairs with me to my room - especially if we were all getting ready to go out, for example.

If you hadn’t been home, would her coming into your room be an issue? Or is it only an issue when you are home? Because she didn’t know you were home.

I absolutely guarantee she did not want to see her parents mid sex, nor did she want her friends to.

Everyone involved is suitably embarrassed. Move on.

Definitely agree that the one in the wrong is your dd who, clearly thinking you were out, felt it was acceptable to bring her friends into your room. That's really not on but I guarantee she won't be doing it again 😅
My dd went to uni last Sept and that has meant I never again have to listen out just in case she decided to come back early from somewhere just as we'd decided to get jiggy with it 😂 Until she comes home of course.

But back on topic you have every right to be livid and if you do bring it up with her make that the main focus. It was their own fault they've seen what they have but a) you don't bring mates in your parents' rooms that is hugely off limits b) respect peoples personal space and possessions.

Wtf is all the give her a bollocking stuff. She’s 19 and thought they were out.

This

@EmpressOfTheSofa

I would be furious because A why is she just letting herself into your room to use your stuff without asking and

B why are her friends heading into your room aswel?

One of my dds used to be in and out of my room with a friend in tow at my dresser or in my make up and I put a stop to it and told her nobody goes into other peoples bedrooms without permission first and secondly told her it's not ok to take her bloody friends I. There with her

It's never happened again

She was 7 at the time

This being said I’d probably get a new identity, leave the country, and never talk to anyone from my old life ever again if I was either the daughter OR the parents.

She should have knocked and you should probably have locked the door if you have an adult child with a key who can come home anytime.

Lesson learnt on both sides IMO but it doesn't have to be a big deal.

Yup. With friends in tow too… she’s never going to live this down 😂

“I felt sad I’d interrupted their intimacy.”

Sad or sick?

I also don't know why everyone is mentioning the friends being in the parents room too?

It sounds like DD was bringing her mates to her room and went to get the straighteners on the way past while they waited in the hall?

Embarrassing as it is, she is old enough to know she did not arrive on the planet via a stork, and so did her friends. It prompts buying a latch from a DIY for your bedroom door and have a little chat about privacy. I always tell my kids (teens forming orderly queue outside my bedroom...usually money or homework help related) to alert me to the fact they want to come in, as I don't want to blind them in the state of undress 😂. I know you are probably embarrassed about this at the moment, but she is probably dying on the inside too.

Did you not teach her to knock when a door is closed? Kids should know to do that by four years of age.

You don't do anything. You don't say anything.

She's 19yrs old - she finally learnt the importance of knocking.

Your kids walk about knocking doors before entering rooms when they believe they are the only person in the house?

Shrug it off. Get a lock for your door. You'll laugh about it soon enough x

I leave the key in the lock if we are lucky enough to get a free house 😜

Is fault important? It’s unfortunate but I don’t think any blame is necessarily needed.

Im sure she will never again walk in your bedroom unannounced. Lesson learned. 😂

she should have probably called out or asked but if she is usually allowed to just wonder and borrow things from your room she was just following normal protocol.

I feel for you.
We have a lock.
I nearly just joined the embarrassing moments club.
I clicked on the MN vibrator feature lots have been talking about. Screenshot a pic which had a testimonial on. Sent it to DH on FB messenger not as a hint more hahaha look at this
but my phone glitched, jumped about and nearly added it as my FB story. Jesus Christ talk about close. I had to check my page that it didn't add,I was convinced it had.

I’d have just carried on and waved hi

I felt sad I’d interrupted their intimacy

Bit weird 😆

You ask who is at fault here. If anyone is, it's your daughter.

She’s not allowed in my room. Years and years of telling her not to. But I have all the good stuff…straighteners, hairdryer, perfume. She has her own stuff but not as good apparently.

I don’t know if the others were heading in to our room but they were certainly hovering rather than on their way to her room.

She did knock! But it was ‘knock and then open the door’.

She thought we were out. I’d usually be at work and DH out with his brother so car on the drive anyway.

I made it a million times worse when I emerged by saying ‘oh I was just putting washing away’ and she stared at me with a raised eyebrow. I’m raising a monster. Before she left I asked wtf and she said I was gross and embarrassing. I KNOW I’m not at fault here but Jesus she made me feel I was.

This is why I throw a towel or item of clothing behind the closed door. It’ll stop the door being opened from the outside without the hassle of fitting a lock 😄