Been caught at it by the kids

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

How the ever loving fuck do I live this down?

Middle child, 19, has just let herself not only into the house but into our room with three friends in tow.

We were in bed. It’s a very very rare Saturday that I’m not at work and the youngest is out. So obviously we made the most of it.

We heard her key in the door (she was at work until midnight as far as we knew), scrambled, but then she flung our bedroom door open to find us in a state of trying to throw clothes on. Two lads and another girl right behind her on the landing. She was looking for my straighteners to borrow. She thought we were out.

I’m fucking furious as well as embarrassed. But what the fuck. How do I deal with this? Is it our fault for not always expecting her home? Hers for having zero boundaries?

who is at fault here? And how should I approach this?

@CelestiaNoctis

knew someone would manage to make it the mothers fault

ops daughter is a nineteen year old woman. She is accountable for her own behaviour.

A sign of no knowing the value and not respecting mother’s stuff, but not stealing 🙄 Surely, that just needs firm words and if it happens again, consequences, like losing some of her own stuff. Our kids are kids and should not be treated like our enemies.

Ladies, ladies what is the fuss about you and your husband were in bed together ' you weren't with the milkman - you are a proud example to your DD that love and passion still exist for her parents

This 👆 All the drama here for a perfectly normal event is astounding 🤷‍♀️

Nothing to be embarrassed about and a simple lock on the bedroom door will prevent it happening again.

Would you have been OK with your adult DC walking in on you in the middle of sex, then?

So your DD has no respect for your things, takes your underwear’s, make up and whatever she fancies - walks in on you when your having sex and your DH thinks you both are at fault - I mean wtf? Can you explain his logic? So you should never have sex and she is free to wander round and do what she wants. Wonder what he would think if it was his stuff she was thieving - that right there is the reason she has no respect - she hasn’t had any boundaries and your answer to stop her stealing is to buy two of each items

You want her to stop doing it completely?

I'd go cruel and unusual to stop her doing it.

Wait until she's in her room with friends, knock and then barge in wearing full on bondage gear, ask her flat out in front of her friends if she's been borrowing your vibrators and butt plug again without asking, can you have them back and can she clean them first please?

Then, as you leave the room say to her "See? It's not nice invading someone else's privacy is it?! Don't do it again. And btw, we've installed a camera in our bedroom that's motion detecting, records video and sends them to our phones as an alert. We'll be adding £50 per head unauthorised access to our room, to your rent bill.
((I assume she pays rent? If not, she should))
I've also got a hellish yeast infection, so don't go stealing any more of my knickers again! You don't want to get it again after the last time do you sweetie? Can you please go and pick me up some yoghurt and cranberry juice form the shop? I'm not exactly dressed for the occasion."

She certainly won't do it again.

And FYI.... I knew at NINE years of age that my parent's bedroom was off limits ABSOLUTELY, unless my parents specifically said I could go in there without them to get something, OR, they were in there themselves and I had KNOCKED and WAITED before entering.

The security features could also double for other uses, this is just one example

Wow the dramatic responses here are a lot. It’s normal to find parent sex cringe and embarrassing at any age. What OP has described is fairly normal (except borrowing your mum’s knickers - unless an emergency, that’s a bit weird). DD sounds rude but at 19 can’t you just talk about it all with her like she’s another adult human being?

She should not go into our room uninvited. Whether you are home or not. And certainly not bring friends up to your room. As for the sea thing, we'll she must know that you two still have sex within your obviously happy marriage. She should hopefully apologise, maybe she will.in a day or ? Try not to bothered about that bit.

It doesn't matter if she is out or not. 19 year old should know what the rules are.
I taught my kids to knock and wait to be invited into my room

😁@InsiderDad

Oh well at least you have a loving relationship abs still have sex, much better than her walking in on an argument IMO.

It's your home and you were in your bedroom which is a private space. I'm sure she would feel put out if you came into her bedroom without knocking/checking. She's an adult, just remind her to respect the private spaces of the house.

Get over it, stop being so precious.