Page 13 | Been caught at it by the kids

EmpressOfTheSofa · 2023-02-04T16:11:19+00:00

How the ever loving fuck do I live this down? Middle child, 19, has just let herself not only into the house but into our room with three friends in tow. We were in bed. It’s a very very rare Saturday that I’m not at work and the youngest is out. So obviously we made the most of it. We heard her key in the door (she was at work until midnight as far as we knew), scrambled, but then she flung our bedroom door open to find us in a state of trying to throw clothes on. Two lads and another girl right behind her on the landing. She was looking for my straighteners to borrow. She thought we were out. I’m fucking furious as well as embarrassed. But what the fuck. How do I deal with this? Is it our fault for not always expecting her home? Hers for having zero boundaries? who is at fault here? And how should I approach this?

MrsMikeDrop · 05/02/2023 20:41

I don't think you need to do anything, she's probably mortified and doesn't want to think about it ever again. I doubt she'll be coming into your bedroom unannounced either

Tigermummy123321 · 05/02/2023 20:42

She obviously didn't do it on purpose and clearly didn't expect you in or she would have knocked so it was by accident and why would you then tell her off? Unless you've implemented locks on doors or a strict knock on door in any closed door situation policy (which you clearly haven't at home) then how is she at fault? I'm also not sure you can say her friends would have even come into your room - they're just young and sometimes walk around without thought. I don't think you can tell her off or talk about it so just leave it. I'm sure it won't happen again. (I would also say that even though you thought she was out, she clearly thought you weren't in there either) so you both made assumptions. I can't believe the number of people saying to tell her off she is probably mortified as it is!

UWhatNow · 05/02/2023 20:44

Tigermummy123321 · 05/02/2023 20:42

She obviously didn't do it on purpose and clearly didn't expect you in or she would have knocked so it was by accident and why would you then tell her off? Unless you've implemented locks on doors or a strict knock on door in any closed door situation policy (which you clearly haven't at home) then how is she at fault? I'm also not sure you can say her friends would have even come into your room - they're just young and sometimes walk around without thought. I don't think you can tell her off or talk about it so just leave it. I'm sure it won't happen again. (I would also say that even though you thought she was out, she clearly thought you weren't in there either) so you both made assumptions. I can't believe the number of people saying to tell her off she is probably mortified as it is!

I agree. Totally OTT responses to an awkward situation. Poor kid didn’t do it on purpose and yet she’s been made out to be a monster in this thread. Some people really don’t like or understand teenagers.

LuckySantangelo35 · 05/02/2023 20:45

Tigermummy123321 · 05/02/2023 20:42

She obviously didn't do it on purpose and clearly didn't expect you in or she would have knocked so it was by accident and why would you then tell her off? Unless you've implemented locks on doors or a strict knock on door in any closed door situation policy (which you clearly haven't at home) then how is she at fault? I'm also not sure you can say her friends would have even come into your room - they're just young and sometimes walk around without thought. I don't think you can tell her off or talk about it so just leave it. I'm sure it won't happen again. (I would also say that even though you thought she was out, she clearly thought you weren't in there either) so you both made assumptions. I can't believe the number of people saying to tell her off she is probably mortified as it is!

@Tigermummy123321

shes at fault cos she shouldn’t just be barging into her mothers room whenever she feels like it and stealing her stuff. She’s at fault cos she has no respect.

MrsMikeDrop · 05/02/2023 20:52

EmpressOfTheSofa · 04/02/2023 18:14

Oh mate. We were far from under the duvet.

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😆😆😆

PrincessAnnaOfArundale · 05/02/2023 20:53

This really isn’t that big a deal. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s not like she walked in on you both fucking a pig or anything gross. I would make sure she’s not bringing her friends up to your room in future though because that is disrespectful and reiterate that knocking at her age is very much expected. She maybe did think you were out so there’s no point in being angry about it. She’s gonna be embarrassed as hell but she’s learned a valuable lesson that adults need privacy and she’s plenty old enough not to just be walking in to your room unannounced. That said.... get a lock on your door!

Maray1967 · 05/02/2023 21:04

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/02/2023 18:20

Pile all of her stuff in bin bags and leave her with a bed, three changes of clothing and maybe a lamp. Get rid of the rest. TAke the door off the hinges. Put locks on all of the other doors.

Tell her if she doesn't like your rules she can figure out where and how to live on your own.

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If my Dc continued to take stuff from our room without permission I would take their door off its hinges and I’m not joking. I actually can’t believe what I’ve just read. Parents put up with Dc helping themselves to their things, showing a total lack of respect, and nothing happens? If you don’t want to go to my suggested extreme, then at the very least go in her room while she’s there, bag up some of her stuff in front of her eyes and tell it’s going to the tip if she ever takes anything of yours again.

UWhatNow · 05/02/2023 21:16

Wow some really horrible parents on here. I despair. No wonder your kids have ‘no respect’. It’s a two way street.

Johnduttonsbuttocks · 05/02/2023 21:18

I'd want her to move out as she clearly has no respect for any of you.

LuckySantangelo35 · 05/02/2023 21:22

UWhatNow · 05/02/2023 21:16

Wow some really horrible parents on here. I despair. No wonder your kids have ‘no respect’. It’s a two way street.

@UWhatNow

haha there is always one that just cannot accept that any fault lies with the son/daughter, it’s always somehow the parents fault (usually the mother’s)

Have you not read OP’s posts about her daughter stealing all her mothers stuff and her brothers stuff and kicking off if anyone touches her stuff? She has no respect at all.

Aldisfinest · 05/02/2023 21:29

I don't think you need to look to deep into it. Embarrassing for both parties, I'm sure she will think twice about coming into your room now

Hawkins002 · 05/02/2023 21:44

Sounds like an sas, raid

T1Dmama · 05/02/2023 22:02

Your daughter has no boundaries… as soon as she walks in she should shout ‘mum, Dad are you home?’
she certainly shouldn’t be coming into your bedroom, let alone with friends!
Also why didn’t you shout out ‘honey is that you?!’….. ‘Don’t come in’… etc

bringincrazyback · 05/02/2023 22:05

KAYMACK · 05/02/2023 20:30

"I’m fucking furious as well as embarrassed. But what the fuck."

To be honest, you sound like an "Eastenders" family in which mother and daughter have a cat-fight in the street over the same man, so I would not really let it bother you. Own it.

Have you any idea how snobbish that sounded?

Atsocta · 05/02/2023 22:05

JudgeRinderonTinder · 04/02/2023 16:17

Wtf was she doing bringing other people up your stairs and into your bedroom? That is your private space, it’s one thing being your DD (and bad enough in the circs) but her mates are a different thing entirely. This is what I’d be most furious about! There’s no need for them to be anywhere near your bedroom!

Exactly!! Hope she apologised
shes old enough to show some respect!

Original poster

EmpressOfTheSofa · 05/02/2023 22:09

Hawkins002 · 05/02/2023 21:44

Sounds like an sas, raid

Pretty much felt like that! It was seconds between hearing the front door bang open, us scrambling to be dressed and her knocking ‘hello’ and barging into our bedroom.

We scrambled to get dressed because on a level I knew she was likely to barge in. She’d popped in to ‘borrow’ something, this is her MO. She’s rarely home otherwise.

OP posts:

LeaveIt · 05/02/2023 22:21

I think you need a lock on the inside and the outside of your bedroom door, then she can neither burst in nor “borrow” your items.

YourWinter · 05/02/2023 22:25

Your daughter was out of order. Would she mind you barging into her room with friends behind you? Time she learned some manners and respect for your privacy. You’ve nothing to be embarrassed about and she should be apologising.

almostfamousme · 05/02/2023 22:38

You have nothing to be embarrassed about but I would be dying inside if it happened to me, tbh. Poor you.

The thing about boundaries is that you can't teach someone to respect yours if you haven't got any, and your oh is doing a very good job of undermining yours. She's an adult, albeit a teenagery one; you don't need to be constantly available to her and you certainly don't need to be letting her walk into your room and help herself to your underwear whenever she feels like it. You need to make that very clear to your oh and to her. Have a talk with both of them. Tell him that you obviously won't be having any more sex if he won't back you up, and tell her that she needs to stop helping herself to your stuff, and her brother's, because if she doesn't she's inevitably going to embarrass herself again very soon, either because she'll walk in on you again, or because she'll suddenly find that you've 'borrowed' every last bit of her underwear. If she won't listen, put a lock on your door, and her brother's, preferably great big combination padlocks, so that you don't have to worry about keys. And because they'll be blindingly obvious to her and her friends.

Have some fun with it. Walk into her room wearing her clothes and ask her if she's got your favourite sex knickers, because you need them right now. Inform her that you're going to be shagging imminently, and you thought you'd better warn her not to go into your room. Use her hair straighteners and makeup, slowly and thoroughly, while you're there. Rummage through her drawers, take all her underwear and lock it in your room. Put a big sign on your door that says 'Do not disturb, shagging in progress'. Fake a very loud orgasm.

Maybe don't do everything in the last paragraph, but I hope it made you laugh.

DeeCeeCherry · 05/02/2023 22:43

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OoooohMatron · 05/02/2023 22:46

You heard her come through the front door, surely you had time to stick your foot behind the bedroom door and chuck on a dressing gown? You're embarrassed, she's more embarrassed, just agree to never speak of it again.

bringincrazyback · 05/02/2023 23:04

OoooohMatron · 05/02/2023 22:46

You heard her come through the front door, surely you had time to stick your foot behind the bedroom door and chuck on a dressing gown? You're embarrassed, she's more embarrassed, just agree to never speak of it again.

The OP shouldn't have to. Her DD is old enough to know better about barging in.

MrsJBaptiste · 05/02/2023 23:11

Does anybody in RL actually have a lock on their bedroom door? 😂
Nobody I know anyway 🙄

InPraiseOfBacchus · 05/02/2023 23:22

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Came here to say this. Obvious fake post but a surprising number of credulous responses this time around.

KAYMACK · 05/02/2023 23:32

InPraiseOfBacchus · 05/02/2023 23:22

Came here to say this. Obvious fake post but a surprising number of credulous responses this time around.

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When you still had "print" magazines, I knew someone who worked for Cosmopolitan. They used to make up such stories, often including them in the "letters" section as well.

I was not sure if this post was not the same, or if it was just some person who watches a lot of low-intellect soap operas like "Eastenders" actually getting off on the idea of her daughter and friends catching her and a man in the act of...

I still think it is the latter, although I daresay I am wrong and it is just a fake post to get people to click on the website.