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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Been caught at it by the kids

366 replies

EmpressOfTheSofa · 04/02/2023 16:11

How the ever loving fuck do I live this down?

Middle child, 19, has just let herself not only into the house but into our room with three friends in tow.

We were in bed. It’s a very very rare Saturday that I’m not at work and the youngest is out. So obviously we made the most of it.

We heard her key in the door (she was at work until midnight as far as we knew), scrambled, but then she flung our bedroom door open to find us in a state of trying to throw clothes on. Two lads and another girl right behind her on the landing. She was looking for my straighteners to borrow. She thought we were out.

I’m fucking furious as well as embarrassed. But what the fuck. How do I deal with this? Is it our fault for not always expecting her home? Hers for having zero boundaries?

who is at fault here? And how should I approach this?

OP posts:
Twillow · 04/02/2023 20:40

KimberleyClark · 04/02/2023 20:19

They weren’t in bed,at least not under the covers. As you’d know if you’d read the OP’s updates.

And you’ve missed the bit about the daughter’s utter disrespect for her mother’s space and possessions.

Show quote history

Alrighty 🙄
They weren't in bed because they jumped out to get dressed. I read that much.
Sorry for not addressing every issue, Miss.

hoojit · 04/02/2023 20:40

Tigertigertigertiger · 04/02/2023 20:10

humble brag.
who has a 19 y o and still has sex ? 😬

PMSL.

Blossomtoes · 04/02/2023 20:42

Tigertigertigertiger · 04/02/2023 20:10

humble brag.
who has a 19 y o and still has sex ? 😬

I have a 47 year old …

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/02/2023 20:46

LuckySantangelo35 · 04/02/2023 20:35

@Tigertigertigertiger

why wouldn’t parents of 19 year olds have sex?

genuinely curious!

Honestly I think she was being humorous / facetious. No need to get wound up about it.

BallroomBitch · 04/02/2023 20:48

She should not be barging into your room unannounced, get a lock for your bedroom door! You are adults who are entitled to privacy and a sex life. Hopefully this has taught her a lesson. I would be fuming if one of my kids did this. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.

shallibuyahouse · 04/02/2023 20:49

Brazen it out, it is what it is and good on you for having a great sex life. This is a fantastic opportunity to have a convo about everyone's rooms being their private place and no one should be coming in without permission.

Maireas · 04/02/2023 20:51

Blossomtoes · 04/02/2023 20:42

I have a 47 year old …

Show quote history

Now, you're something special, Blossomtoes 😉!

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 04/02/2023 20:51

Lock in the door. Simple. And make it clear that it's 100% the result of her behaviour and lack of boundaries.

And ask her how the hell she thinks she came about, immaculate conception????

Ponderingwindow · 04/02/2023 20:51

She is 19. This is 100% her fault for not knowing on your door and invading your private space. She is old enough to handle this mentally without too much drama.

tell her you will start locking your door even if she isn’t home just as a precaution and remind her to knock next time.

Maireas · 04/02/2023 20:52

Interesting that she came into your bedroom with a group of friends.
Also that she wears your pants.
A lot to unpick there, eh?

PhillySub · 04/02/2023 21:02

Why did she need three friends to help her to look for hair straighteners in your bedroom? You have learned something about her and her lack of good manners. She has also learned something about you. 😂

Patineur · 04/02/2023 21:04

YukoandHiro · 04/02/2023 19:29

@Patineur of course they all know it - but I fear you have seem to have forgotten how immature sixth formers/late teens are and the kind of things they latch on to. Yes the friends probably do think the parents are legends. As a result, everyone in college knows what happened by Monday morning

She's 19, FFS. She's an adult. People that age are going out to fight for their country, having children, giving intimate care to vulnerable people, etc, etc, etc.

I'm really not sure that it's going to be that big news around the college, given that most other students will be well aware that their parents have sex. If OP's DD is that mortified by word spreading around, perhaps she could reflect on the fact that this was completely self-induced.

forfuckssake23 · 04/02/2023 21:05

Tigertigertigertiger · 04/02/2023 20:10

humble brag.
who has a 19 y o and still has sex ? 😬

😂😂😂

Oh no. My eldest is 19 in 2.5 years. At which time I will be 40. Please do not tell me I have to stop shagging at 40. I thought those were the best shagging years?! 😂

CohenTree · 04/02/2023 21:30

You should have just carried on. You weren't doing anything wrong.
She and her friends would have run for the hills with lesson learnt.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 04/02/2023 21:30

Fucking hell get a lock fitted now. Not because of the sex - hopefully that’ll make her think twice in the future - to keep the pilfering little bastard out of your stuff.

CohenTree · 04/02/2023 21:31

shallibuyahouse · 04/02/2023 20:49

Brazen it out, it is what it is and good on you for having a great sex life. This is a fantastic opportunity to have a convo about everyone's rooms being their private place and no one should be coming in without permission.

I think that conversation is supposed to happen when they are 5, not 19!

Blossomtoes · 04/02/2023 21:42

Maireas · 04/02/2023 20:51

Now, you're something special, Blossomtoes 😉!

Show quote history

Am I? I’m not sure how to take that 😂

Tigertigertigertiger · 04/02/2023 21:44

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/02/2023 20:46

Honestly I think she was being humorous / facetious. No need to get wound up about it.

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@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune Thank you , I was indeed attempting humour hence smiley face .
but no one laughed. In fact many took it very seriously.
oh well

MeanCanadianLady · 04/02/2023 21:53

Tigertigertigertiger · 04/02/2023 21:44

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune Thank you , I was indeed attempting humour hence smiley face .
but no one laughed. In fact many took it very seriously.
oh well

Show quote history

Sorry. I know how that goes as I have a very dry dark sense of humour but it sometimes blows up in my face and I just end up apologizing instead of explaining myself. 😂🤷🏻‍♀️

JoonT · 04/02/2023 22:57

Just front it out. She shouldn’t have barged in like that. Besides, it’s not like you were having an affair or a random one night stand. Such things might have disturbed her. You were merely having sex with your partner.

MissMaple82 · 04/02/2023 23:05

bengalcat · 04/02/2023 17:06

I’d have just carried on and waved hi

😆😆😆

Stomacharmeleon · 05/02/2023 17:04

I agree with the others. Have a lock put on and if she dare mention anything just ask her if she wants the gruesome details. That should be enough to shut her up.

From the magpie perspective every time she takes something go and get it back. And tell her brother he can do the same. Everyone should be on the same page with their belongings. If she wants nice straightners she could buy her own.

sumayyah · 05/02/2023 17:24

Quite frankly weather she thought you were in or out in besides the point

Why was she entering your room at all without permission? Why was she bringing her friends to your room?

My daughter is 17 and she knows not to go in unless either I've asked her to or she's messaged me and asked "can I borrow x,y or z from your bedroom

Munchyseeds2 · 05/02/2023 17:27

I would have had a lock on our bedroom door long ago!
Cheeky mere!

Myli1 · 05/02/2023 17:27

Well it’s hardly the end of the world is it? Teens are obviously old enough to know what’s going on. I would just ask them to be respectful enough to knock next time, but otherwise laugh it off.