Page 7 | Could you be with someone stupid?

PlayDohOnTheWalls · 2023-02-03T22:06:17+00:00

DH is a good partner and a good father. And I do love him, I think. We have set up quite a good life together. I enjoy his company. Two things 1. The sex is rubbish. Infrequent and totally rubbish 2. He is a bit stupid. Examples When we are watching films - he never knows what is going on and often at the end its obvious he's understood v little He believes random things he's seen on YouTube- examples include that drinking water is poisoned by the government to keep us stupid and this is common knowledge. That the moon isn't a moon and is actually a space ship in disguise. He's also v immature - periods are "gross". I catch him laughing at his phone and it's a video of someone falling over really horribly. That kind of thing. Despite thinking this about him- I enjoy his company and our home is loving and functional. The kids love him. Though they are 3 and 5! AIBU to consider leaving based on my slightly arrogant feeling that I'm smarter than him? Does that make me up my own arse? I just feel like I'm constantly explaining stuff to him or when he starts talking I just think about something else because I know it will be a load of rubbish Am I really mean?

Ameadowwalk · 04/02/2023 08:27

Testina · 04/02/2023 08:18

@MoggyMittens23 and apart from it being weird - why doesn’t he just throw you over a pair of pants to nip to the loo in?

Yes, there’s definitely got to be a middle ground between a grown man thinking periods are gross and a man cupping your nether regions to stop the blood falling out as you both head to the bathroom.

Kanaloa · 04/02/2023 08:29

Testina · 04/02/2023 08:16

OK that’s just weird.
Sounds more like a fetish than being at ease with periods 🤣
How does that even work?
Do you not have hands of your own?

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Also ‘every time’ implies that the poster is regularly running around the house with blood pouring out of her and no way to stem it before reaching the toilet. Odd.

Ameadowwalk · 04/02/2023 08:29

To the OP, is the relationship salvageable if he cut out the YouTube and educated himself a bit? Have you told him that he is behaving like a twelve year old (although to be fair, even my twelve year old sounds more mature here) and this is not attractive in a grown man?

Kanaloa · 04/02/2023 08:30

Obviously I do think it’s disturbing and disgusting that a grown man thinks periods are gross, but if I found myself regularly ‘caught short’ in such a way that DH had to run behind me cupping his hands under me? I’d think that was odd and weird.

Allblackeverythingalways · 04/02/2023 08:30

ZestFest · 03/02/2023 22:13

Oh God I couldn't be with a stupid person even if the sex was mind-blowing.

That's what FWB are for 🤣

FrancescaContini · 04/02/2023 08:31

I wouldn’t have seen him for a second date. In fact I would have cut very short the first date at the first hint of stupidity. Very unsexy.

DonutsAreNotLunch · 04/02/2023 08:33

ClareBlue · 04/02/2023 08:24

Yes, have seen this over and over again. The younger women mature's, wants to try new things, get an education and a career, travel and meet people and the older man stagnates. The women doesn't see the slight economic power the man had when they met or perceived maturity as important when they get a bit older. So much talent and life wasted by sens of loyalty by women to harmless but basically dead beat men.
I think you just have to leave when the realisation happens.

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This was my experience too unfortunately, I met my ex p when I was 19 and he was 30, we separated after 16 years. I had changed and grown up over those years and he had stayed exactly the same. he was so resentful of me not being the same person I was when I was 19. Anything I did differently in my life was me “showing off” or pretending to be someone I’m not.

Kanaloa · 04/02/2023 08:34

Just read about him playing video games instead of visiting his dying grandpa too - this does not sound like a good hearted and kind man who just happens to be not very academic. He sounds like a selfish misogynist who relishes his selfish stupidity.

georgarina · 04/02/2023 08:35

I was with someone very nice, generous and affectionate but there was a mismatch in that area. We didn't connect on that deeper level - he never felt it but I did.

It's not arrogant not to be compatible with someone. What's the point in being with someone and unhappy just because you think it's 'arrogant' to want something better?

SamanthaCaine · 04/02/2023 08:39

I feel sorry for your husband to be honest. He sounds like a lovely guy. Intelligence is all relative.

Personally I'd have used a bit more intellect than to post quite a horrible thread about such a loving husband.

What would you think and how would you feel if he read this and what you genuinely think about him.

Divorce him now. He deserves better.

Kanaloa · 04/02/2023 08:42

@SamanthaCaine

He thinks periods are gross and couldn’t be arsed visiting his dying grandparent because ‘what’s the point?’ Do you think that’s lovely? Is your bar on the floor?

Saschka · 04/02/2023 08:43

tuvamoodyson · 04/02/2023 07:57

How, just how could he think Margaret Thatcher was PM in the ‘20’s? Just how? That is taking stupidity to another level! No way could I live with this dimwit.

He is 40, surely he remembers her? I’m 44, I remember her very clearly, she came to power after I was born… (obviously I don’t remember that part, I was 3 months old).

Doesn’t he remember the poll tax riots? Or her resignation?

JumboShrimp · 04/02/2023 08:44

What you describe is beyond stupid. It sounds like he has general learning disability (formerly known as mental retardation). You deserve better! On top of it all he is an apathetic lump obsessed with video games. You deserve more from life.

And staying in a relationship for fear of retaliation is the most miserable existence. I hope you find the courage to leave.

Starlitestarbright · 04/02/2023 08:47

Sounds like you've settled for him. You don't say any redeeming qualities. I'm surprised you married and had kids with him. I wouldn't have.

YoungMouse · 04/02/2023 08:49

He thinks the moon is a space ship OP. I can't even get my 4yo to believe the moon is made of cheese anymore.

SamanthaCaine · 04/02/2023 08:50

Kanaloa · 04/02/2023 08:42

@SamanthaCaine

He thinks periods are gross and couldn’t be arsed visiting his dying grandparent because ‘what’s the point?’ Do you think that’s lovely? Is your bar on the floor?

Well I've not read the entire thread so guess there was a drip feed in there somewhere. The OP started her opening post by saying how good he is. But anyway.

Controversial, but how about trying to educate? There are many things I don't know that my OH does and vice versa. Sometimes we evolve with ingrained views that need correcting (rightly or wrongly). If you believe your partner to be decent then I would try and educate to find some common ground.

I certainly wouldn't be slagging him off whilst naively asking the internet if I should leave it if you could marry someone with less intelligence.

purpledalmation · 04/02/2023 08:50

You knew he was like this when you married and had kids with him, so what's changed?

Personally I would feel contempt for someone who believed such nonsense, and wouldn't have stayed with him in the first place. You're now a bit stuck, but it won't end well.

GeoffGiraffe · 04/02/2023 08:50

Kanaloa · 04/02/2023 08:34

Just read about him playing video games instead of visiting his dying grandpa too - this does not sound like a good hearted and kind man who just happens to be not very academic. He sounds like a selfish misogynist who relishes his selfish stupidity.

Agree. I have a DH who is not academic. And can get a bit confused. Had a tendency towards conspiracy theories (until I explain why they're incredibly unlikely)

But he is kind and loyal and trustworthy. He can make anyone feel at ease. He is intelligent in a lot of ways including emotional awareness. He wants to do the best by us and for us as a family.

Playing video games instead of visiting his Grandad and your fear that he'd go nuclear if you left, plus the immaturity around periods etc, he doesn't sound like a very nice person at all. Plus the rubbish sex life.

Maybe you have outgrown the relationship, don't waste your life being unfulfilled.

C1N1C · 04/02/2023 08:50

You know, my wife could have written what you did about me... and I have a PhD and postdocs. The point is different people prioritise different knowledge... truthfully, I couldn't tell you who is prime minister right now, and I couldn't tell you characters names after 100 episodes of a series... my wife always teases me about it! Could it be he's on the spectrum rather than stupid? Some information just isn't retained by certain minds... I can memorise a scientific diagram in seconds but I still forgot my best friend's name after 7 years!

Here I think it is more a case of different interests. You say he's amazing apart from his conspiracy theorist attitude and the odd duff comment... are you sure it's not just the classic marriage niggles that creep in? He leaves the toilet set up etc...

As for the sex, communication. Everything can be trained. Left a bit, right a bit, faster, slower... the next time it happens, sit him down and say you love him and the sex has always been nice (so as not to bruise his ego), but to be great you need to tweak x, y and z... you say he is loyal, and absolutely smitten... for someone like that, surely he would jump at the chance of making you more happy???

YoungMouse · 04/02/2023 08:51

SamanthaCaine · 04/02/2023 08:50

Well I've not read the entire thread so guess there was a drip feed in there somewhere. The OP started her opening post by saying how good he is. But anyway.

Controversial, but how about trying to educate? There are many things I don't know that my OH does and vice versa. Sometimes we evolve with ingrained views that need correcting (rightly or wrongly). If you believe your partner to be decent then I would try and educate to find some common ground.

I certainly wouldn't be slagging him off whilst naively asking the internet if I should leave it if you could marry someone with less intelligence.

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But... He thinks the moon is a space ship...

Kanaloa · 04/02/2023 08:52

SamanthaCaine · 04/02/2023 08:50

Well I've not read the entire thread so guess there was a drip feed in there somewhere. The OP started her opening post by saying how good he is. But anyway.

Controversial, but how about trying to educate? There are many things I don't know that my OH does and vice versa. Sometimes we evolve with ingrained views that need correcting (rightly or wrongly). If you believe your partner to be decent then I would try and educate to find some common ground.

I certainly wouldn't be slagging him off whilst naively asking the internet if I should leave it if you could marry someone with less intelligence.

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If I’m totally honest, I just couldn’t be arsed sitting down a 40 year old man and saying ‘oh periods aren’t gross, they’re normal! They aren’t yucky yuck! And do you think you should visit grandpa since he is dying? Oh I know you want to play call of duty but maybe you could visit grandpa then play?’

I mean that’s gross. How could you be bothered ‘educating’ your 40 year old husband on how to be a decent human being?

Sunriseinwonderland · 04/02/2023 08:56

I was astonished to find my ex husband who wasn't stupid suddenly got into conspiracy theories after 15 years og marriage and started spouting all kinds of unbelievable crap. It didn't end well.

MichaelKeaton · 04/02/2023 08:59

SamanthaCaine · 04/02/2023 08:39

I feel sorry for your husband to be honest. He sounds like a lovely guy. Intelligence is all relative.

Personally I'd have used a bit more intellect than to post quite a horrible thread about such a loving husband.

What would you think and how would you feel if he read this and what you genuinely think about him.

Divorce him now. He deserves better.

What’s lovely about a thick as shit man who games all the time and would selfishly rather stay at home paying video games than visiting his dying grandfather, because he can’t see the point if the dying man can’t have a chat with him?

Your standards are staggeringly low.

Spottypaperdoll · 04/02/2023 08:59

The moon is a spaceship
Water is spiked to decrease IQ
YouTube is his main source of information

Yeah I wouldn’t be able to stay. Those things are too far out for me to be able to just stay quiet. I would be flabbergasted if my husband came out with that nonsense.
Aside from being selfish (not visiting dying grandpa) he is living in a fantasy land. I couldn’t live like that.

SamanthaCaine · 04/02/2023 09:01

Kanaloa · 04/02/2023 08:52

If I’m totally honest, I just couldn’t be arsed sitting down a 40 year old man and saying ‘oh periods aren’t gross, they’re normal! They aren’t yucky yuck! And do you think you should visit grandpa since he is dying? Oh I know you want to play call of duty but maybe you could visit grandpa then play?’

I mean that’s gross. How could you be bothered ‘educating’ your 40 year old husband on how to be a decent human being?

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Didn't she meet him at a much younger age? Sure you couldn't and that's fine but you haven't got any romantic connection so it's easy. However, we all have our own subconscious biases and sometimes need an alternate view or educating. I don't see a problem with doing that. Marriages are all about learning from each other.