Could you be with someone stupid?

[PlayDohOnTheWalls]

DH is a good partner and a good father. And I do love him, I think. We have set up quite a good life together. I enjoy his company.

Two things

1. The sex is rubbish. Infrequent and totally rubbish

1. He is a bit stupid. Examples

When we are watching films - he never knows what is going on and often at the end its obvious he's understood v little

He believes random things he's seen on YouTube- examples include that drinking water is poisoned by the government to keep us stupid and this is common knowledge. That the moon isn't a moon and is actually a space ship in disguise.

He's also v immature - periods are "gross". I catch him laughing at his phone and it's a video of someone falling over really horribly. That kind of thing.

Despite thinking this about him- I enjoy his company and our home is loving and functional. The kids love him. Though they are 3 and 5!

AIBU to consider leaving based on my slightly arrogant feeling that I'm smarter than him? Does that make me up my own arse? I just feel like I'm constantly explaining stuff to him or when he starts talking I just think about something else because I know it will be a load of rubbish

Am I really mean?

No I couldn't be with someone stupid. You've said you enjoy his company, what is it you actually enjoy about it though?

I couldn’t be with someone who proclaimed their love for someone, married them and had children with them but on the internet declared they were stupid.

Sure, your examples don’t scream of intelligence. I’ve found through working in healthcare and meeting a variety of people that many people who believe odd conspiracy theories and spend too much time reading about them on the internet, are often just very lonely. They’re not stupid, they find a sense of “community” online and run with it.

You sound quite unkind, OP.

He would have given me the ick when I first started dating me, it would have been a no from me!

First started dating him of course!

I am fairly into conspiracy theories, moon Is false blah blah is just daft tho

@Testina I've tried to explain my mindset when I married him in my earlier post. We didn't spend a huge amount of down time. Lots of fun, work, seeing friends. And he was/is so loyal. I am always his number one. I had a very abusive dad and earlier relationships so he seemed like magic to me.

Our lifestyle has changed. Slowed down. He didn't used to watch YouTube so much either

Your reply is everything 🤣🤣👏🏻

Kids are little. When kids are teens is a conspiracy theorist that thinks the moon is fake going to be a good daily influence.

So he’s thick, but you’re sounding a bit dim for marrying him so maybe you have it in common?

Fucking hell

I understand why you married him but even from your examples I couldn't continue with him.
The conspiracy theory shit. No. I have no time for that and don't even want one iota of that taking up my brainspace.
If he said to me about the water making us dumb I'd have asked him if he had drunk a swimming pool that day. ;)

Can you not try spice your sex life up?

They all are.

The moon is a spaceship? Wow, even I he was amazing in bed I think this would put me off.

There was a guy I dated who matches your description. He was harmless, very cheerful but just not smart. He reminded me of a dopey puppy most of the time.

There are two things I remember specifically which I just found odd. First, he didn't know what exaggerate meant. Second he asked me why he couldn't just put diesel in a petrol car as the petrol pump had run out.

I mean these questions might be fair enough, but I was just very about it all.

I don’t think you’re arrogant for thinking you’re smarter than a man who thinks periods are gross and can’t follow the plot of a movie. With the periods thing, that’s not really just stupid though. It’s stupid and nasty. Same with the laughing at people falling over. So he sounds obnoxious as well as thick and shit in bed. Not really seeing a lot going for this man to be honest.

Does he really believe stuff like the moon being a spaceship?

I mean, no matter what lifestyle you had before, you'd know if he was that thick.

My DH talks a lot of nonsense sometimes and has some odd ideas about things.
But he's not stupid I just don't agree with him.
at the end of the day I love him for other reasons (he is good in bed which helps!)
You sound like you don't love him anymore which is fine but don't be unkind. He might not be as intelligent as you but he deserves to be treated with respect.

@Hungrycaterpillarsmummy even if it meant disrupting your kids lives? Even if it meant breaking a sweet man's heart?

I feel so awful. But I don't know if I can have 50 years of listening to him

yabu to have started a family with him if this is how you felt 🙄

Is he really a ‘sweet man’ though? Are either of your children daughters? Will he be open about how disgusted he is by women’s bodily functions around them? What impact do you think it could have for young girls to hear that their father thinks they are ‘gross?’

You made marriage vows and you have children together. Man up and be grateful for what you have. Don't destroy 3 peoples lives.

No.

Go see a solicitor and work out what is fair and how you will work it, get a plan in place and let him know when you are ready to action it.

Life is too short. The kids will be fine as long as they see you both and you both behave well.

I have tried to explain what has changed. The YouTube obsession has a lot to answer answer

If personalities and taste didn't change over time - then mumsnet and divorce lawyers wouldn't exist!

fuck off, why should the OP (or anyone) live in misery

She's not in misery. The man is kind and loving . There is worse out there