Could you be with someone stupid?

[PlayDohOnTheWalls]

DH is a good partner and a good father. And I do love him, I think. We have set up quite a good life together. I enjoy his company.

Two things

1. The sex is rubbish. Infrequent and totally rubbish

1. He is a bit stupid. Examples

When we are watching films - he never knows what is going on and often at the end its obvious he's understood v little

He believes random things he's seen on YouTube- examples include that drinking water is poisoned by the government to keep us stupid and this is common knowledge. That the moon isn't a moon and is actually a space ship in disguise.

He's also v immature - periods are "gross". I catch him laughing at his phone and it's a video of someone falling over really horribly. That kind of thing.

Despite thinking this about him- I enjoy his company and our home is loving and functional. The kids love him. Though they are 3 and 5!

AIBU to consider leaving based on my slightly arrogant feeling that I'm smarter than him? Does that make me up my own arse? I just feel like I'm constantly explaining stuff to him or when he starts talking I just think about something else because I know it will be a load of rubbish

Am I really mean?

Being a little thick but kind is infinitely better than being unfaithful, a bully, controlling, aggressive, an addict, sick, abusive...

Which bit the stuff he does is kind?

It sounds like you are just incompatible.

And it also sounds like he's been drinking too much 'government water'.

We are not in the 1950s

It’s not so much that he’s a bit stupid (although he clearly is). It’s more that you have completely different personalities and outlooks. I dumped a 21-year-old boyfriend who was gullible about conspiracy theories and urban myths and who found gross pranks and stuff like people belching hilarious, and at the time I was 17, so I can’t imagine dealing with that tedious crap as a married adult.

This is the hazard of settling down with the person you fall in love with at 20.

Sure, but it’s not an either/or. Women don’t have to choose between a thicko and an arsehole. You can set the bar a bit higher than “Not abusive” and aim for “Intelligent, funny, sexually compatible AND not abusive.”

So many women seem to think they have to settle for a man they find boring and childish simply because “at least he’s not horrible” and this is basically why there are so many women on Mumsnet posting about how they feel miserably trapped in a marriage to a man who irritates them and bores them shitless but don’t feel able to leave him because he’s trustworthy and non-violent.

Like another poster I also believe that intelligence is not static. I think you should try to stop him watching you tube and watching a films together instead. Also agree get him to read books with the children. Also go out and do fun things with the children. Swimming etc. someone get him to stop watching you tube. That”/ making him stupider!!!

Instead of slagging him off on here. Just leave him. It's that simple.

You can’t really make a grown-ass man do anything. You don’t have the right to dictate what they watch. Imagine you love Mills& Boon type of bullshit romance books but your husband thinks they are stupid and asks you to stop reading them. You would be livid. And you should because you are an adult and you can pretty much spend your time reading whatever you want.
If OP asks him not to watch YouTube , he might not watch YouTube then when OP is around but surely he will when she is not. So what’s the point? If you have to make a man do anything, that’s too bad. He should be either mature enough to stop doing shit by himself or it’s hopeless.

The choice isn't 'thick but kind' vs the things you've listed. There are men who don't fall into those camps and there is also the ability to be single.

I don't think someone who chooses gaming over visiting a dying grandparent is 'kind' anyway tbh.

I like to think i used to be pretty intelligent.

I'm at the age that I can't remember anything and struggle to string a coherent sentence together!

I would no longer be classed as intelligent in any way, shape or form!

Fingers crossed I get some brain cells back soon!