Could you be with someone stupid?

[PlayDohOnTheWalls]

DH is a good partner and a good father. And I do love him, I think. We have set up quite a good life together. I enjoy his company.

Two things

1. The sex is rubbish. Infrequent and totally rubbish

1. He is a bit stupid. Examples

When we are watching films - he never knows what is going on and often at the end its obvious he's understood v little

He believes random things he's seen on YouTube- examples include that drinking water is poisoned by the government to keep us stupid and this is common knowledge. That the moon isn't a moon and is actually a space ship in disguise.

He's also v immature - periods are "gross". I catch him laughing at his phone and it's a video of someone falling over really horribly. That kind of thing.

Despite thinking this about him- I enjoy his company and our home is loving and functional. The kids love him. Though they are 3 and 5!

AIBU to consider leaving based on my slightly arrogant feeling that I'm smarter than him? Does that make me up my own arse? I just feel like I'm constantly explaining stuff to him or when he starts talking I just think about something else because I know it will be a load of rubbish

Am I really mean?

I think with many age gap relationships the younger woman grows and matures and the old bloke stagnates and stays the same.

The men rely on younger women not noticing they're thick, crap in bed and immature at the beginning. Then they rely on kids to tie the woman to them.

OP contempt is a killer and that's what you feel. The relationship is over, you just haven't pulled the chain yet.

Oh don’t be so dramatic.

Divorce doesn’t need to destroy any ones life. The kids will be fine. He’ll find someone who loves him.

Divorce exists because marriages become unworkable. The OP has no respect for the man and nothing she says implies that can change. Everyone will be made a lot more miserable if this carries on.

Man up is a daft expression BTW.

All of them? Every single one? You have done the research and people have never conspired to ensure an outcome? Ever?

Well I'm reassured hungrycaterpillarsmummy

The OP and the replies are very depressing. Surely, the fact he is kindhearted and a great father beats him being “stupid”?

I came on here to try and post something like this, but MrsTP is already on it.

Sorry OP, but this is pretty classic. You were a young adult and an adult, and you seemed to be on the same level before, and then you grew up.

I mean the sex issue isn't great. But I have a doctorate and still struggle to follow some films 😭. I also laugh at stupid videos. I don't think they make someone stupid.

Your husband sounds really stupid. Being generally nice and lovely is not enough to sustain married life with a thicko, especially if the sex is very crap on top of that. What on Earth were you thinking when you married him?
I find people who believe in dumb conspiracy theories really irritating. Like:”the government is poisoning us with drinking water” Really? All of them? Hundreds of people who make up the government hatched a secret plan to poison us? How do they plan to keep those people stupid too who don’t drink tap water? And when those government people die or get replaced by new ones, then the new ones also get into this secret group of plebs-poisoners? Grrrrrrrr…

Must say I don't tolerate poor sex or stupidity, particularly the type of stupidity OP has mentioned. I cannot listen to anyone speak that sort of rubbish. If you want to keep the marriage OP I'd suggest finding hobbies outside of home so you can engage with intelligent people - not even that intelligent really, just not stupid idiots.

Seriously? That anyone thinks this kind of profound stupidity is in any way forgivable depresses me.

Yabu @PlayDohOnTheWalls , because you married him. His children are likely to be genetically similar, and that's your fault. It's too late to undo it now They need your support, as well as their loving father and a stable home.

I’ve watched a bit of David Icke (purely for entertainment purposes) and the Moon being hollow and inhabited by aliens who observe us is one of his many beliefs. His favourite subject is reptilians who live among us apparently (I’m convinced he got this from the 1988 film They Live which was released around the same time of his “awakening”), and notable reptilians, according to Icke, include Elizabeth II, the Bush family and Boxcar Willie.

Although to answer your question op - I probably could be with someone who wasn’t particularly academic. But I wouldn’t consider them stupid. I think hardly anyone is really stupid, everyone has skills and knowledge and experiences I don’t have so they are all wise in some way. But some people are willfully ignorant, such as those who think women are disgusting, so I couldn’t be with someone like that.

You can’t talk about a lack of intelligence being forgivable. Some people don’t get the education they deserve. No one wants to be “stupid”.

Stupid isn't about a lack of education though. It's innate.

Even more reason for PPs to stop being unkind about people who are in your opinion born stupid.

@flimmzi you did not come here to mess around

"Your kids are likely to be genetically similar and that's your fault"

WOW.

I often want to ask this of Marge Simpson.

Yes, well it amazes me that people don't realise their children inherit characteristics like intelligence from their parents.

I read a lot on mumsnet about husbands drinking/cheating/texting women/workaholics/bullies/neglectful

And I think I should just get over myself and just accept he's going to talk a load of crap sometimes. But the laughing at people online and thinking women are gross isn't nice.

Interesting, I might have to watch that one day for a laugh

@flimmzi I do realise that. Everyone knows that. But my kids environment is entirely different to the childhood my DH had. And there are also lots of characteristics that I hope they have inherited from him. My kids are doing brilliantly thank you.

I’m open to the odd conspiracy theory and if you enjoy his company then fine. I personally couldn’t have dated someone significantly less intelligent than myself. I tried a couple of times but it never worked.

You married him and had TWO children with him? He isn't the only stupid one

Just think through. Do you want to still want to be with him when you are 70? When the kids have grown up and left home? When you are both retired and together all day?
If you don’t, if that thought fills you with dread then leave now.

I explained why i married him @NotAnotherBathBomb in 3 separate posts so I'm not sure why you're asking me that question. Did you just post something that made you feel ever so smug without reading the whole thread? Surely not.