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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to insist on exclusive breastfeeding

299 replies

closingtime101 · 02/02/2023 17:00

Hi all. My daughter is 6 months old and so far I have exclusively breastfed her. I have been out a handful of times in those six months, and each time I have left expressed milk in a bottle for her. She does tend to get quite upset on these occasions so it is rare for me to leave her. I like breastfeeding and I am lucky that it has been easy for me.
The issue is that my daughter is very attached to me and reliant on breastfeeding for comfort & sleep. It has led to my husband feeling frustrated that he can’t settle her and my parents have said several times that they don’t feel she knows them very well or is comfortable with them “because she is breastfed”. In addition to this, she is very wakeful and wakes every hour and a half / two hours in the night wanting to be fed, which I do swiftly, often not waking my husband up. My husband thinks if she had a bottle she wouldn’t wake so often as many of the formula fed babies we know sleep through the night.
I have been feeling a bit of pressure to stop breastfeeding from my husband and my family. Nothing overt, but lots of comments like “it’ll be easier once she’s weaned” and “we’d love to babysit, but while she’s being breastfed it’s hard”. We started giving her food last week and she is not at all interested yet, which I think my husband is sad about as he felt he could get more involved.
I feel as though everyone thinks they would have a better relationship with her if I stopped breastfeeding her. I am worried that it is me being selfish wanting to continue breastfeeding because I enjoy it; I love the time with her and the bond I feel; selfishly it is a lot easier than sterilising bottles etc, and it’s cheaper. I am also the one who is with her all day and all night and breastfeeding always settles her - it’s the greatest weapon in my arsenal! I know my husband enjoys being able to feed her and he has asked me to express a bit more so he can. I know it sounds silly but it’s been so cold at home I haven’t wanted to sit in the expressing bra! But I know one solution would be for me to express daily so he could give her a bottle and feel more connected to her. Another solution would be to move to combi-feeding, but I am reluctant to do that as she hasn’t had any formula yet and I am weirdly proud I have managed to sustain her for so long. I know that last part sounds so stupid, but I’m being honest, it’s how I feel.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I move to combi-feeding or bottle-feeding so others can feel more connected to her?

OP posts:
BabyOnBoard90 · 03/02/2023 00:04

Suprima · 02/02/2023 23:47

Can you explain your previous post about how expressing would make everyone’s lives easier? I don’t understand

like how?

how does it make everyone else’s life easier?

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It's midnight so i cba to explain what feels like common sense

lifeinthehills · 03/02/2023 00:15

Mumtobe2023 · 02/02/2023 23:20

Totally agree with this!

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Share the toy around, please children! Oh wait, we're talking about a human being, not a doll.

There are lots of ways other people can bond. Here's some:
-read a book
-sing songs
-take her for a short walk around the neighbourhood
-rock her to sleep (if that's something you do)
-bathe her (grandparents and father maybe. I know some wouldn't like that one).
-push her on the swing or help her on the slide (maybe when just a little older).
-get down and play with her.
-peek-a-boo.
-help with solid feedings.

And so many more as she gets older and more capable.

Baconand · 03/02/2023 00:48

Gosh the bottle brigade are feeling fierce aren’t they!
God forbid that someone that likes exclusively breastfeeding (from the breast- not expressing like a cow into a bottle for someone else’s convenience or using an artificial product) and can manage it dares to stand in the way of a bottle and a father/grandparent/any old random that wants to play dollies.

Anyone would think they felt threatened or something….

Stay firm @closingtime101 you are doing the absolute best for your child.

Incidentally breastfeeding my child to sleep after she started at nursery is up there with my absolutely favourite ever memories. That reconnection after a day apart is out of this world. If you could “bottle” that you’d make millions. Oxytocin bliss right there. The bottle brigade do not understand.

BlastedPimples · 03/02/2023 05:07

Breast pumps work on the vast majority? Is that right? You know the vast majority, do you?

They didn't work for me either.

Op, everything is going great for your baby and you re feeding.

Stick at it.

There's so many ways to bond with a child. It's not your fault people around you are so limited they don't know how else to do it.

Besides, the baby has a long life ahead. Plenty of time to bond.

Sussexlass84 · 03/02/2023 05:46

Because he's talking to her about it and it's something that worrying him.

Railwayroad · 03/02/2023 05:51

I had this. Not from dH who was happy not to have to feed the baby tbh! But grandparents. And negative comments from disapproving friends. I ended up ignoring them and breastfeeding til she was 2.

dH can bond in other ways. Feeding is just one way. What do they think happens in cultures where bottles aren’t available?

Railwayroad · 03/02/2023 05:57

Also expressing is bloody hard work. Easier just to feed the baby. And baby May refuse a bottle anyway. Mine did.

winterpastasalad · 03/02/2023 06:10

Totally your decision OP. But, there can be drawbacks. My dsis BF dn1 but combi fed from about 3 months. We were able to take dn from then, built up a bond with him etc so when dsis went back to work at 1 year things were straightforward. She exclusively BF dn2 for one year. He was constantly on the breast for 6 months and wouldn't even let his dad hold him without crying. None of us 'knew' him at all and he cried until he was blue when he was left with his dgm the first few times. He completely refused formula and when he started nursery at 12 months when dsis went back to work it was a complete nightmare for her, the baby and the nursery. DBIL openly says how he hasn't bonded with him in the way he has with ds1.

Railwayroad · 03/02/2023 06:22

Where does this idea come from that bonding can only come from feeding?? It’s ridiculous.

PinkSyCo · 03/02/2023 06:28

Surely you can express one feeds worth of milk per day so that your DH can get involved. It is his baby too after all.

Twizbe · 03/02/2023 06:31

PinkSyCo · 03/02/2023 06:28

Surely you can express one feeds worth of milk per day so that your DH can get involved. It is his baby too after all.

Why should she do extra work to enable him to feed baby.

He can take over solid feeding, he can bath her, he can read to her, he can play with her, he can dress her, he can sing to her, he can do bedtime etc...

There's lots he CAN do that doesn't require the OP doing extra work.

FGS people!

I EBF my second child. My DH is perfectly bonded to her. He was able to do so much with her. Ok he couldn't feed her milk, but he could grow her or birth her either.

PinkSyCo · 03/02/2023 06:35

Twizbe · 03/02/2023 06:31

Why should she do extra work to enable him to feed baby.

He can take over solid feeding, he can bath her, he can read to her, he can play with her, he can dress her, he can sing to her, he can do bedtime etc...

There's lots he CAN do that doesn't require the OP doing extra work.

FGS people!

I EBF my second child. My DH is perfectly bonded to her. He was able to do so much with her. Ok he couldn't feed her milk, but he could grow her or birth her either.

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Extra work? It’s not that hard to express a bit of milk ffs.

PinkSyCo · 03/02/2023 06:37

Op you will probably be on here in 6 months time moaning that you can’t go on a girls night out because your baby wants breastfeeding to sleep.

lifeinthehills · 03/02/2023 06:39

PinkSyCo · 03/02/2023 06:35

Extra work? It’s not that hard to express a bit of milk ffs.

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Beyond the first few weeks, I just couldn't. Lucky it was easy for you but it's not for everyone.

Nipple confusion is also a thing.

And why would I want to mess around with sterlising bottles and pump parts and preparing it all when I can just latch baby on? I guess if it means that much to DH, he can do all that. I'm too busy looking after baby. I'm not spending my time behind a pump. My time is precious. If DH wants an every day activity, he can do the bath and diapers.

tobi21 · 03/02/2023 06:44

If you do not want to stop breastfeeding then don't!! So glad things have gone so smoothly for you with breastfeeding. It is definitely NOT selfish to give your baby the best start in life. Like PP have said there are other ways to have a bond with baby, and as your baby gets older there will be longer times between feeds anyway. My partner struggled when our DS was younger as he couldn't get as "involved" (DS flat out rejected bottles from 11 weeks) but as he got older they definitely have a special father son bond. The small baby stage goes by so fast and there will be plenty opportunities for family to babysit as she gets older

Twizbe · 03/02/2023 06:47

Expressing is extra work that she doesn't have to do. Baby is perfectly able to get her milk without OP having to milk herself like a cow just to please other people.

Scottishskifun · 03/02/2023 06:48

PinkSyCo · 03/02/2023 06:35

Extra work? It’s not that hard to express a bit of milk ffs.

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This depends on the woman and how she responds to a pump. Many women don't respond well their bodies just don't give it up easily unless it's baby (nothing to do with supply). It's normal to get 1oz in a pump session therefore women have to fit in multiple pump sessions to get enough for a single feed.

I was a milk donor with DS1 for the Scottish milkbank and even though I had an oversupply and would get 10-14oz a pump it was still time consuming

Twizbe · 03/02/2023 06:48

PinkSyCo · 03/02/2023 06:37

Op you will probably be on here in 6 months time moaning that you can’t go on a girls night out because your baby wants breastfeeding to sleep.

And I'm 6 months time baby will be a year old and can night wean if that is what works for OP.

lifeinthehills · 03/02/2023 06:48

Twizbe · 03/02/2023 06:47

Expressing is extra work that she doesn't have to do. Baby is perfectly able to get her milk without OP having to milk herself like a cow just to please other people.

Us women are meant to put aside our own wants and needs to serve others, don't you know? (I hope this is changing).

PinkSyCo · 03/02/2023 06:49

lifeinthehills · 03/02/2023 06:39

Beyond the first few weeks, I just couldn't. Lucky it was easy for you but it's not for everyone.

Nipple confusion is also a thing.

And why would I want to mess around with sterlising bottles and pump parts and preparing it all when I can just latch baby on? I guess if it means that much to DH, he can do all that. I'm too busy looking after baby. I'm not spending my time behind a pump. My time is precious. If DH wants an every day activity, he can do the bath and diapers.

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OP doesn’t have a problem expressing thought, otherwise she would have mentioned it. And maybe her DH does change nappies and do bathtimes. That doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be nice for him to feed his baby sometimes too.

PinkSyCo · 03/02/2023 06:50

Twizbe · 03/02/2023 06:47

Expressing is extra work that she doesn't have to do. Baby is perfectly able to get her milk without OP having to milk herself like a cow just to please other people.

Other people? This is the babies father we are talking about, not Gladys from down the road.

LittleLegoWoman · 03/02/2023 06:52

@PinkSyCo
this baby is 6months old. Dad can feed them food.

PinkSyCo · 03/02/2023 06:53

lifeinthehills · 03/02/2023 06:48

Us women are meant to put aside our own wants and needs to serve others, don't you know? (I hope this is changing).

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The poor man just wants to give his baby the odd feed ffs. 😂

lifeinthehills · 03/02/2023 06:53

PinkSyCo · 03/02/2023 06:49

OP doesn’t have a problem expressing thought, otherwise she would have mentioned it. And maybe her DH does change nappies and do bathtimes. That doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be nice for him to feed his baby sometimes too.

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Why so hung on on feeding though? Of all the many other parenting tasks, why does it mean so much to give the baby milk? Is he jealous his wife can do something he can't? He'll have to put on his big boy pants and get over it.

One of mine was fully breastfed. Didn't stop her being a daddy's girl in her first year. All the rest had been mummy's kids, so nice for him to get one like that.

lifeinthehills · 03/02/2023 06:54

PinkSyCo · 03/02/2023 06:53

The poor man just wants to give his baby the odd feed ffs. 😂

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Can the poor little baby not cope with his wife having one task she can't share with him? Diddums. He needs to grow up or start thinking more creatively or something.